So the quote is from Chris Rock and so very true. Case in point... conversation with an ex. We are friends, and it was a struggle to get to that point. But the option of an us is a never ever again thing. Just last night he critisized me for not having the ability to go back... once I'm done, I'm done. But I digress
He has met a girl he is interested in, but she works for a girl who has expressed interest in him and he has superficially entertained. So the situation is sticky. He asks for my opinion so I give it... It has potential to hurt the other girl, but if the girl he is interested in truly moves him or looks like something he'd be stupid to walk away from... do we really have any loyalty to the other? I think not.
He explains the love interest as "intriguing" and I say tell me about it! He pitches her as a pre-med undergrad, gorgeous, and with the ability to talk about Nietzche, Gibran, and Emerson... and in the back of my mind a little voice says... "you like her because she knows about these writers... and you love to talk about them but 1. you don't read, 2. least of all have you read any of them in a good long time, and 3. your existence is around movies not books."
Maybe I am biased because I remember my 1st impression of him being cultured, well-read, and articulate. With time his words carry far less weight. I remember the 1st conversations about my books, because I do read... a lot, and which editions we both had.... and then there was a Christmas that I gave him 5 oxford printed translations of Nietzche's work and I was very excited about them. It is hard to find translations of some pieces of work that are readable and easy to understand. Want to know what he said??? "Why did you get me books?" (did I convey disappointment from him? Oh yeah he threw that at me numerous times... that I only bought him books)
And all of the conversations that followed in which it became quite apparent that sometimes he said a lot of words about books or authors without making a point... but still had words to say.
So I know how much he doesn't know about something he pitches to girls he's interested in. And I have to say... I can't wait to see what happens. Maybe she will be good for him... Like I said, he is still my friend and there is a lot about him that is really great stuff, literary knowledge notwithstanding... but this is still the "piece of himself" that he presents first. I have to admit, I am curious to see how he keeps her attention.
After your rep has pitched you to the mark, what comes next? do you live the lie or drop the curtain to the beast you truly are? and what does my rep look like? ick.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
In search of a warrior
I take the Sunday afternoon Yoga class because it is ridiculously hard. Janine asks things of her class that don't seem possible. To be honest, I danced from the age of 2-16 and still I can not do everything she asks, but I try. I leave feeling stronger and more settled with myself. Except for the very end. She folds her hands in Namaste and says "The divine in me bows to the divine in you"... and I want to slap her.
The entire class of yoga enthusists bow before her... And I cannot.. Nay, will not. The first time, I was so ashamed of myself and went for a cup of tea to sort it out. I was in such a good place except slightly disconcerted and couldn't figure out why. Ready for the why? Really? I am a Hindu, and consider myself a good Hindu, it is where I find peace and what I am reverent to. I believe we each have a portion of Divinity within us. I strive to be more humble, more giving, more worthy of the blessings I have. I will not bow before another that uses this working meditation as a fad, and would not revere this in any other facet of life. Don't understand?
I bow to my mom out of respect. If I had not seen her for a while and walked into someone else's house and she was there, probably in private depending on the circumstances, I would bow and touch her feet. The new agerswho eat granola are not worthy of such devotion. You will not murder my heritage, the language, the essence that is peace with you braying of a mangled "aum" and consider yourself on the same pedestal. It is not the same and go shove soy nuts up your nose.
Twice a week I circuit train. It is brutal and full of energy. I look forward to it. The instructor is in perfect shape. He closes with a few yoga poses, the triangle and the chair. He teaches a yoga class of his own. He does not bow. I respect him more because he has no right.
Looking at this, it makes me feel small. I don't believe it to be a complete absolute. I guess searching for peace would qualify one, but not without understanding... otherwise it is still an insult.
The entire class of yoga enthusists bow before her... And I cannot.. Nay, will not. The first time, I was so ashamed of myself and went for a cup of tea to sort it out. I was in such a good place except slightly disconcerted and couldn't figure out why. Ready for the why? Really? I am a Hindu, and consider myself a good Hindu, it is where I find peace and what I am reverent to. I believe we each have a portion of Divinity within us. I strive to be more humble, more giving, more worthy of the blessings I have. I will not bow before another that uses this working meditation as a fad, and would not revere this in any other facet of life. Don't understand?
I bow to my mom out of respect. If I had not seen her for a while and walked into someone else's house and she was there, probably in private depending on the circumstances, I would bow and touch her feet. The new agerswho eat granola are not worthy of such devotion. You will not murder my heritage, the language, the essence that is peace with you braying of a mangled "aum" and consider yourself on the same pedestal. It is not the same and go shove soy nuts up your nose.
Twice a week I circuit train. It is brutal and full of energy. I look forward to it. The instructor is in perfect shape. He closes with a few yoga poses, the triangle and the chair. He teaches a yoga class of his own. He does not bow. I respect him more because he has no right.
Looking at this, it makes me feel small. I don't believe it to be a complete absolute. I guess searching for peace would qualify one, but not without understanding... otherwise it is still an insult.
Monday, April 17, 2006
not heart broken, but i do think i went splat
I resisted the urge to blog for quite some time. For starters I am not sure I have anything to say that anyone would read, and secondly I've met me... I tend to say things with the most words possible. So what brings out the narcissist in me that puts pen to page? Monito.
We met on New Year's Eve, I was hiding from my date, he broke up with his girl friend that night. We were both in a different city, and we were both wearing ties. Mine belonged to the bad date, his was made of silly string. I thought he was adorable. Four and half months later I am pulling the rip cord. Why? He's wonderful, he's far away, he doesn't seem that into me.
We don't talk about feelings. He is logical and practical, I am accustomed to pouring my heart out on paper and sorting it out. I am the more intense one between us. He would walk away at the drop of a dime. I know this, he told me so but in so many words. If you listen to people long enough they will tell you exactly who they are. While he calls this a relationship, he has said that I am not his girlfriend. In the beginning it didn't matter. We were chill, it was cool, we were just hanging out. But now I like him, and he offers nothing else, and there is no way for me to tell him that I need a little more. Like tell me you miss me, tell me you like me, tell me you want to see me... give me something to work with!
In the face of him, literally, he is wonderful. Doting that I could not question his intentions. But far away the drums sound a bit different. And we do not talk about feelings because he does not want to. He shuts down in 2 sentences flat... and I do not like the sound of my voice so much that I would monologue... that's just not fun. So the text message break up (tragic I know) goes like this:
Me: you were right. long distance relationships are hard
Monito: Yes indeed.
Me: so are we done then?
Monito: What's with you?
Me: do you always answer a ? with a ?
Monito: No. just didn't understand
but he didn't call and I didn't either... he didn't ask so i didn't tell, and we'll wrap that in a ribbon and look at it as a positive that I don't have to buy gas to drive 5 hours to see him. wow, what a sad attempt to be positive.
We met on New Year's Eve, I was hiding from my date, he broke up with his girl friend that night. We were both in a different city, and we were both wearing ties. Mine belonged to the bad date, his was made of silly string. I thought he was adorable. Four and half months later I am pulling the rip cord. Why? He's wonderful, he's far away, he doesn't seem that into me.
We don't talk about feelings. He is logical and practical, I am accustomed to pouring my heart out on paper and sorting it out. I am the more intense one between us. He would walk away at the drop of a dime. I know this, he told me so but in so many words. If you listen to people long enough they will tell you exactly who they are. While he calls this a relationship, he has said that I am not his girlfriend. In the beginning it didn't matter. We were chill, it was cool, we were just hanging out. But now I like him, and he offers nothing else, and there is no way for me to tell him that I need a little more. Like tell me you miss me, tell me you like me, tell me you want to see me... give me something to work with!
In the face of him, literally, he is wonderful. Doting that I could not question his intentions. But far away the drums sound a bit different. And we do not talk about feelings because he does not want to. He shuts down in 2 sentences flat... and I do not like the sound of my voice so much that I would monologue... that's just not fun. So the text message break up (tragic I know) goes like this:
Me: you were right. long distance relationships are hard
Monito: Yes indeed.
Me: so are we done then?
Monito: What's with you?
Me: do you always answer a ? with a ?
Monito: No. just didn't understand
but he didn't call and I didn't either... he didn't ask so i didn't tell, and we'll wrap that in a ribbon and look at it as a positive that I don't have to buy gas to drive 5 hours to see him. wow, what a sad attempt to be positive.
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