The Most Beautiful Book I Never Read.

Punch line: it is Shalimar the Clown by Salman Rushdie

Back story to follow.

how to start... I am an auditory learner. I know this about myself. The best way for me to remember something is to hear it. If I read it, I can give you the gist... if I hear it, I can give it back to you verbatim. about.

Segue: Rushdie is not my favorite writer. I read him. but I don't particularly LIKE him. I get why he is good, I get that it is an expansion of what I think literally possible to wrap my head around his complex fumbling tumbling cliches with the same soul... I question if he can write women. Truly write women. Write in such a way that makes me flip to the back to check for your picture to make sure that you are a man.

Or write a man that I want to breath into life. I say so in the light of Ondaatje's "In the Skin of a Lion"... i forget his name, but the main hero-guy. I want him. I want to be with him. I want the soul shaking earth-moving lover forever and ever... and one that thinks and loves and speaks like him. but he is a character in a book. and Rushdie has never evoked such a thing in me.

Until...

So Shalimar is book on CD. After I bought both Midnight's Children and the Satanic Verses... I said NO MORE! and then I went to the public library to see what was in the book on CD section. It keeps me mind occupied when I have to stay at my desk and do things like answer 11ty billion emails.

I find Shalimar. I hesitate. I figure if it sucks I give it back immediately. Except it is beautiful. and I will seek it in print to see if I like it as much. I want to tell you what it is I like so much... but I'm still processing.

It has a man that I know. It has a women I've struggled with. and yet smacks of his Ice Queen from Satanic verses... and even she walks with me. Her imagery. the seamless integration of mysticism... whoa! no. i reserve that for Gabriel Garcia Marquez. because even I don't know that to be a quantifiable thing. ugh.

and it truly is... the most beautiful book I've never read.

besos.

Wanna see the Tom Cruise freakshow?

http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tr

yeah, it's that good.

What would it take to snatch this thing?

Hear me out!

It is not my fault that this is where my mind immediately goes.

I personally blame the plethora of movies like Ocean 11, 12, and 13 that makes it looks so easy. Ok not easy but really fun. Plus, apparently, Brad Pitt shows up like the prize out of a cereal box.

So I now have a roommate. He is nice enough. I am getting things to redecorate my new space. and Dk get dragged along.

He is pouting as we venture to the 3rd linen store to compare quality of bath towels... when he sits right up and says "You have to got to be freakin kidding me!"

That could be about anything.

What it happened to be about yesterday was the 2008 BCS Championship Waterford Coach's trophy. Apparently it is on tour across the entire city (probably New Orleans too... but definitely not the whole state) to the different venues of its sponsors.

Yesterday was the Verizon store on Seigan. It has it's own police escort and tent. The line of people to see it was amazing. I mean wrapped around the building. at 11 in the morning!

I ask if he needs me to pull over so he can get in line. He says "ummm no" and begins a rant of the sorry saps that have never achieved any athletic prowess... and never will... and this is the closest to any form of greatness that these people will ever touch... and blah blah when he ran track for LSU it had the #1 program in the country and more blah blah...

So as we find where we are going, I think to myself... how hard would it be to nab this thing. Not so much that I want it, I don't. Not so much that I would ever do such a thing, I would not.

But I bet it would be worth a lot to the right individual. Especially since tickets to this thing were going for several thousand dollars. For crap seats!

oh and the other thing I had to tell you was... remember the post that ended with the guy who was asking his son about "Great Expectations"? As I am packing up to leave, he introduces himself (I am confused as to why). He is Dr. Caxton Opere. The link takes you to his amazon page for his book.

Yes he is also a published author.

He tells (not asks) me that I know how to create web pages. (I was also doing stuff for work on my laptop) I blink while waiting for the rest of it. He then tell his son that I will create his website for him for free... in exchange of which he will give me personal coaching on my personal relationships for the next 5 years. I thank him for his generous offer and give some excuse of why I have to leave NOW. He is African. Like from the continent... Indian people have a quaint saying of calling someone "fresh off the boat". That was him. and he was pushy and overbearing.

He asks if I know who he is... I say no. He is still holding on to my hand telling me about his book and how he was divorced and he never will be again and how he can make sure i choose well and am never divorced. Based on his explanation of his work I ask if he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has a "successful marriage and he nor his wife will NEVER file for divorce" he chuckles and affirms. Ok crazy... let's get ready for the summation.

I don't care how much of an expert you are, never say never, bubba. NEVER. plus his delivery made me want to jump out of my skin. But I'm not saying there is not some validity to his book. I haven't looked at it, I don't know. What I do know is if the success of this book is based on this man selling it/being attached to it... to where you see him... it will not do so well.

He reiterates his offer... 5 whole years of being able to call this man on his personal cell phone! So exciting! So generous of an offer! Such a crock of B.S. !

He tries to convince me one more time by telling me his sage advice to some woman who had marital problems. Know what it was? Victoria's Secret. That was it.

I tell him I have his card and I will call him when I've decided to accept his offer.

Translation: He should be getting that call about quarter to never.

My Opinion Matters!

... and gosh-darnit people like me.

hee hee.

Ok, so my newest favorite brain-cell numbing activities are... drum roll please.....

responding to Yahoo Answers and the Big Debate.

Not to say that I have time for it, because I assure you that I came upon this while I was hard at work... or procrastinating about work... which is so close to working, it's scary.

I love these things. and here is why... the Big Debate on msn is great because I listen to a retardo debate about celebrities I don't care about.... and then I give my opinion by voting on some retardo aspect of their lives or careers (Britney is sooo over!).

Because with out my little click msn might cease to be.

Yahoo Answers. So I came about this by google searching something... and apparently someone had asked my exact question at Yahoo Answers (cosmic, I know!)... and people responded. and somewhere else on the page was an open question that caught my attention... and that was all she wrote...

So let me tell you why this is still amusing... These things are about as life changing as day time television. But honestly some of the questions these people are asking of strangers is AWESOME! (yes JD... truly awesome) but more in the dumbfounded... were you dropped on you head when you were little kind of way.

One girl asked why she had no REAL friends. My answer is below because I feel the need to answer stupidity that feels like a brain freeze... why would you ask such a question to a bunch of strangers... no one on this page is in a position to answer that. maybe you should start there...

maybe harsh (I got a thumbs down for that... i may seek therapy) and I respect that I am goofy for both reading and responding... and that this is now a very fun thing to do.

Some one else asked if people purposely offend in their answers... Me? honestly no. I'm giving you my opinion. This is America and Sesame Street says there is no one as unique and wonderful as me.

Ahhh but the argument could be made that such is the same with blogging... we share ourselves and let people comment. I still think it different, at least if you make your way through some of this you have a sense of me... and besides we all know it takes nothing at all for us to have an opinion about something.

So go ahead people, take advantage of the positive reinforcement of how important, necessary and powerful you are. but please don't let this be the only place you feel so.

How 'bout them tigers?

Back to Black.

so the goal is not so much to get back to black but maybe pink. or yellow. or some other fluffy bit of color.

I don't like the direction the blog has taken. and like much else in life right now i am unsure of how to fix it.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to do a state of the union summation. and a bit about where we are going for this year.

as of this minute I am...

1. Homeless
2. not in school
3. not good at sticking to a budget
4. not sure how to date
5. a bit of a social scardy cat
6. not hitting my full potential
7. not able to stick to a better eating plan
8. not sticking to a workout plan for triathalon this year
9. not financially prepared for an emergency
10. not much of a writer at this point

so at the end of this year, all of these things will be changed.

All of them? well, this is what i tell myself. Those are a lot of nots...

I am sitting next to an older gentleman with his young son (?)... he is quizzing him on Great Expectations. The characters... the plot to the point the son is at... He is asking hard questions... I read the book, I loved the book! I could not answer this man's questions at this point.

So the little boy is blowing bubbles into his strawberry frappacino (which has no coffee or caffeine... i believe it is false advertising and defeats the purpose) and trying not to laugh as I make faces at him... when his dad is not looking, of course.

I can not find the focus in my life... so i will look at someone else's.

Housing Crisis

So Austin has officially fallen through. So I guess now is as good of a time as any to say the offer came from KRB... subsidiary of Halliburton. Wanna know why we had to say no? Google "Jamie Jones" and "KRB" for good measure.

The offer was attractive. Damn attractive. Not something I would risk my personal safety nor reputation for. The job was listed under International HR.

Dammit.

Further, I am genius-girl! I had offer in hand, lease came up... we let go of the apt. Let go of a ton of furniture... sure I would be compensated to buy this stuff back... because it wasn't worth hauling around.

Fast forward to not taking the offer. DK says live with him. I did. for a week. He is disgusting. I know, I know. You say all guys have a certain level of icky... no.... no, no. He house is infested with fleas. there is a hole in the kitchen roof with leaves from outside and mildew to boot. the bathroom ceiling tile is falling the sink is perpetually backed up... and full of the hair he shaved into it. The couches are full of cat hair, and fleas... and cat urine.

and his stuff is thrown everywhere and I don't know when the last time he swept the beautiful hardwood floors were. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I was brushing me teeth in the bathroom at work... and showering at the gym. I ate every meal out... because the kitchen has not been cleaned in months. but he cooks on that filthy stove. it was gross. i mean really really nasty.

If he is letting me stay w/him for free... why not just clean up, you ask? I DID! I spent 2 days on the bathroom, dining, and living room. By the morning the house had shook the cleanliness off.

So now I live w/Bianca. (DK called to tell me he was offended I chose to live with someone else... really?) and am auditioning strangers to live with (like share rent with). Giving up the apt was stupid. why? because an apt in baton rouge, la goes for the same amount that it does in both Austin and Houston. What is wrong with that sentence? THIS IS NOT A REAL CITY.

ugh.

We Goin to the Ship...

scratch that sugar bowl.... the BCS National Championship. Nice.

yeah i don't even think i could find tickets to that. so i'll be watching it on TV somewhere in New Orleans... because the after party is gonna be SWEEEEET.

... Also...

Have you heard of this thing? I am considering asking for one of these for Christmas. The Kindle... maybe for books, I like the idea of having a ton at my fingertips with out the weight... or people coming up to me to talk about what I am reading.

But I don't think it would work for my newspapers. I dunno I like the feel of papers.

and sometimes the only way I remember to pick a book back up, is when I see the damn thing or realize i have been hauling it around for no reason.

maybe I wait for V2 on this thing. Everyone knows you don't buy the 1st edition of a tech gadget. but then it won't be Christmas anymore... hmmmm.

...So what are you doing New Year's Day?

... because if you have tickets to the Sugar Bowl... I will be your best friend!

LSU vs. Tennessee.

It was a pretty good game... I guess.

There are the rumors that Les is going to Michigan... and really you can't be mad at him if he does.

DK says Nick Sabin was in BR on Friday... maybe talking about coming back. whatever.

It's terribly exciting.

and for my girlies who don't know what I'm talking about. It's football. American football.

Segue into funny story... so a couple of weeks ago I was in the mall to buy a wedding present for Tia... because everyone I know is getting married... STILL!

right so I was there and bumped into Jerry... a guy I knew in way early college. He's friends w/ my Happy Drunk Ken Doll... so I know him. ish.

He comes over to say hi... we are cordial. If you are nice to me, I am nice to you... it's nice. We are talking about the last he saw Ken Doll... for a Saints game in New Orleans. I am jealous... everybody got Pete to get season tickets.... Ken Doll cannot sustain a stable relationship... and I usually have other stuff to do than go to the games. Plus I have to drive from here and stay overnight... so Ken and I were splitting our tickets or just going together... and now he has the girlfriend. so i let him keep them. Plus I only remember at the last second that I want to go to the really good games... and people get mad when you guilt them into giving football tickets up.

so now I have to make new friends with tickets... because I am poor. sigh.

Jerry has tickets. rat bastard. He asks if I would like to go to the next couple of games w/him... we would get to sit by all of our other friends who have tickets as we all bought in the block. This sounds good to me.

Then he says... "so you actually UNDERSTAND football, do you know how rare it is for a girl to get football?"

actually it isn't... Madigan's brother-in-law played professional football... we used to get to watch from suites...

I say something like "Yes, I recognize that I am spectacular" OBVIOUSLY JOKING

and he says "well you don't have a ring on your finger... you can't rock that much". wow. I was in the bridal registry section... that was just mean.

ok so now I don't want to talk to him ever again... even to get to go to football games.

I wondered if I was being sensitive... he could have been joking. But we are not friends. We have friends in common... but you and I are NOT friends. He has called 2x... I let it go to voicemail... and then I figured out this really great feature on my phone... I can BLOCK people! Except for you guys. I would never block you guys. ;)

and I don't want to sit next to someone who is going to say mean things to me. Because I have options. So Dk's mission is to find Sugar Bowl tickets... and for less than $300 please... and tickets for the next Saints game after his finals.

and I'm not telling Ken Doll ... because he will never let me forget it.

I have nothing to wear.

Yes yes... women say this all the time.

and true true... I have said this to the Dream Killer a time or 12... only to have him throw open the doors to my closet and say "Really K? Because it looks like all of Macy's is in here". and then he finds me something to wear.

but I gone through several seasons of not buying anymore clothes... because I saw how much stuff I gave away to GoodWill... and it all started looking the same... like I am buying the same thing every couple of years.

and i hold on to stuff that I never wear.

Fast forward to i am getting ready for work yesterday... and I ended up looking like a hot mess. ugh.

It was further driven home as I head out to buy work clothes... but I don't have a lot of $ so I am Bond-girl on a budget. I look for a Christmas party dress 1st... because this is the month of pointless- let's pretend we are friends- parties... and I find 2 on sale that look great! for spring. Not winter. and I start to rationalize when I could save this for...and I realize I will never remember I have this. so I put it back.

Then I look through shoes. and find a great pair of casual ankle strap black stilettos... I like these. I should... I already have them. Granted I have them in leather not fabric... and I again recognize my self-defeating shopping behavior.

I then find the make up counter and my hand lotion at Clarins... I have a bigger bottle... but I am running out! so I will let myself have a smaller version of it.

And I still have no new work clothes.

I go to the "career" section... it is SOOO depressing. Where did we get the idea of suits for women either being old and dumpy or young and trashy... ok so there is a middle ground that is beautiful with a blouse for $200.

This poor stuff blows.

Now to the big white elephant that I am avoiding. Austin want a 3 year contract and does not pay for school.

It is everything else I asked for including a stipend for a rental SUV (or a fleet... but they provide car... if I decide not to take their car... then i get the $ to pay for mine).

But it locks me in Austin for 3 years. What are the implications?... UT Austin does not have a part time law program... plus you have to live in TX for 12 months to establish residency... which is favored above "outsiders"... and we could potentially put school on hold for a 3 years. unless i get into their fantastic Business school.

It is a lot of money. a sick nasty amount of money.

DK and JB have both been given a heads up. It is now very very real. Because the offer letter and contract are being mailed to me next week.

With the possibility of so many lateral moves I feel like Mario trying to play Donkey Kong....

yeahhhhh Atari!

P.s. I bought a different blouse. That is the addition to work wardrobe. One blouse.

... you guys are gonnna love this.

See? I'm trying to stop writing and saying "y'all". People make fun of that. I am sensitive. *sniff*

as promised here are the links to some free webinars on wine.

Winetasting
Winetasting Basics
Food and Wine Pairing

you press ctrl and click... no just click...Read the intro... they have some suggestions for ahem study aides... I highly recommend them. As I found these and began listening at work... I was without aide. but if you do it after the fact and remember what you are focusing on... it creates the same effect.

You do have 'sign up' but you can give them bogus information... if you are so inclined. If you do not have a WebEx player, it will download. It is super safe. i promise. i have it.

Also, there are TONS of great archived Webinars on more serious matters (more serious than wine?! get outta here!... i know! and yet...) on this site. i may start highlighting them on the other blog. and i will definitely discuss the Franklin Covey site.

Because I believe in all things Covey.

2 posts- 1 day.... yes i am a rock star.

Besos.

Girl Power!... and Powerpuff Girls! ...

.and other random yay girlie-ness.

Greetings. I am snug as a bug.... uhh at mom's.

I gotta say I intended to be more productive during the last couple of days. Technically I've been off since in mid-Wednesday... since then the only time I have the left the house was to make it to the grocery store (1x) Dream Killer's parents' house (1x) and then to make it to mom's.

I am a bum. You wish you were a bum like me. This is the last time I will have 2 days to rest at a time for a good little while. Non-productive girl checked her schedule yesterday, updated, changed and worked some stuff out. We have much to do in the next 2 months. Thus instead of getting work done, I say screw it.

Back to the title line.

RE:bitty bitty moms.

I've discussed my mom, yeah?

5"3', 103 lbs. soaking wet. She is bitty. She drives a truck. She drives a brand new truck. Brand new as of yesterday. It is the pic. Here is the link . This thing is monstrous. Is it just me, or are all trucks, suvs, and vehicles getting to be the size of elephants? wtf?

The best part was watching her try to hop up into it, wearing a sari this morning. wow.

So yesterday she is decidely going to go buy this thing. It is not smart for a woman to go buy a vehicle by herself. That just increases the liklihood that you will spend thousands of dollars more than you really have to. for no reason.

She initially took one of the little Auntie's husbands with her... she forgot that this Uncle does not have the social skills of a cucumber. Not so productive.

I tell her to take the Dream Killer. She demurs. Her other option is to go alone (I will not go with her at this point because the ONLY reason she will not go with the dream killer is because he is not Indian).

She spouts some sort of "female empowerment" (is this where I get this stuff from? I thought I made it up...) and off she goes. I salute and get ready to iron all of my clothes that I brought with me, in the form of undone laundry...which is now clean and needs to be ironed. My puppy stayed with me inside all day... as it is STILL raining.

Mom comes home with this. I say Cheers.

This morning I see the extra keys... and ask for my set. She is withholding key! I laugh and say "let me know how that works out for you when you lock yourself out" she says "how will you be helpful from Texas?"

ok so Mom is quick with a comeback.

Greetings from behind a ceramic mug instead of a travel mug.

hi.

how are you?

I'm good.

I'm warm.

I flaked on the turkey run.... hear me out, though.


So yesterday I got off of work early, and did some things around the house. Ran about 2 miles as a warm up, did abs and then circuit.

Circuit was especially hard yesterday, and is becoming increasingly so as my hips are on fire. and i have to wear the brace all the time. but with the brace I am fine. Really.

So I took it easy when I got home and took a hot shower.

This morning I woke up and the temperature outside had dramatically dropped. It's cold! But I got up anyway and started to get ready. My hips hurt dude. I mean the pain is white hot. I used BioFreeze and that felt better for a little while...but i didn't want to make myself miserable.

There is a difference between pushing through woosey pain and busting yourself up for no reason.

So mom gets the ill-gotten sweatshirt.

and the Reindeer Run is Nov. 30th. We'll do better with that one.

it is what it is.

Big plans for Thanksgiving-
Turkey Trot (5K) race
Lunch at the Dream Killer's parents' house
Get letter of recommendation from DK's dad
Finalize personal statement and applications...
nap
roll over during nap
wake up and rule the world

take a break for pie.

See? Big things, big plans, big expectations.

now on to reality... my right knee feels like someone took a bat to it. That trot is looking more like a limp.

So Austin has moved to the negotiating phase... did you know if you move across state lines to work for a new company you can get them to cut you a check up front for the following:

1.moving your stuff (duh)
2.your temporary living situation (duh part II)
3. your new place for a few months (lesser duh)
4. your new furniture (because i am not renting furniture. Bunny had surgery to remove a staph and this girl might be a tiny bit paranoid)
5. your salary for 6 months up front (in case you get there and they are a**holes. and you miss your mommiey and want to go home. allegedly!)
6. new clothes (i'm serious. no seriously. i asked 3 times- the stipend includes clothes)

really. i mean really. wow. i would like to point out that Chase thinks 5K before taxes should cover your move within the continental US. This list is a bit more than 5K.

But it's not real until it's on paper. but wow, huh?

and i am still planning on leaving for law school for August. There isn't enough money to change that. (i am partially typing this for my benefit... just in case that should ever be hard to remember).

Smurf Bubble

So about 3 months into the new job. Still love it. Don't get me wrong, the freaks are coming out of the wood work and we have moved out of the Honeymoon phase of "I'm so happy to be here!". and part of that was a call from Shy to tell me that I really did get this all by myself (See? Told 'ya so!) and I also left between 25K-30K on the table because I did not negotiate AT ALL. Yeah I was pretty nauseous over that one.

Then I try to call his bluff... and tell him he's full of it... He has no idea!
He then laughs and says "they think you do great work, you have a boss with no ego, she may be molding you but she rushes around and wears too much black, your CEO thinks she looks neurotic... and all of the service personnel (security cards, coffee shop people, dry cleaners) on the 1st floor know your name."

oh, ok.

Back to how great work is... I have gone through none stop training while figuring out bigger projects than I have ever seen. Every minute not spent figuring stuff out, is spent reading, learning evaluating learning systems. I even sat through a couple webinars on Wine tasting. It was interesting. I'll post the links later. it's free. you have to register but they don't email you dumb stuff and don't sell you anything. it's pretty cool.

I also had to read the secretaries' club newsletter (part of a professional organization called IAAP. The secretaries' are organizing now? WTF?) . It was also interesting. One of the articles in their monthly publication was on the subject of holding onto grudges and forgiveness.

My degree is in Sociology and I have to be honest, I was prepared for this to be crap. But it talked largely about re socialization and the notion that we have to understand that there must be a way to come back from some wrongs, and not feel the need to hold everything bad against a person ALL the time. That we each decide how much is too much and what point we let stuff go, and also what we absolutely can not.

So I ask DK some questions about the ways we have argued over the years. What he is still angry about and what resolution we could come to in order to get past those things.

He says "Dear God. What magazine is this coming from? Elle? Glamour? Yuppy Girl?"

I resent that. I read periodicals with substance! and besides I could have come up with this on my own!

He says "No K, if you had just sat around one day and came up with something to talk about it would be more like..... SMURF BUBBLE!"

er?

DK: "Yeah, something random like, do you think smurfs blew bubbles? and if they did would they be blue? and how would they be blue, i mean where DOES the pigment come from?"
I am mildly offended. So he called me random?

So that is the newest word in rotation. All stories to which the point is not very apparent are called Smurf Bubbles. and in my defense, I'm trying to cut back.

Also, I like this portion of a post card submitted to PostSecret. While scrolling down I saw this before I read the card or comprehended the whole picture. This looks like an elegant hovering fairy. See it? I also like that it is part of a real object.

Jindal WON!

Do you guys even understand how surreal that is in this state? He didn't even have to have a run-off this time. that is HUGE.

The reason the Advocate is siting is because of low black voter turnout. Oh. I am going to try to limit what I say here because I don't want to say the wrong thing...

A few years ago when Jindal was head of the hospitals and contemplating a career in politics... A few of us had a friendly discussion. Quite innocently someone said "... so is Jindal going to be the new Cleo Fields and unite the minorities in a glorious uprising?" not so much. Especially since Mentor chimed in with "you know that black people hate y'all, right?" Didn't know, Why? "because he is a Republican on a ticket that was largely prejudicial to blacks, and now he has the support of the white vote, even though he is brown. Black people in this area don't think it's fair he can show up eons after slavery and be an equal". Not kidding.

Which spawned a real discussion on what the difference was and if he should not have had the acceptance he does considering his obvious merit. He is brilliant. He is humble. He is patient.

He lost the last governorship to a b*tch that can barely say the alphabet whose husband was a good ol boy from some stupid f*ck town in the swamp. word.

and in the face of not being able to come to terms with a whole new issue of race, some would with hold that vote. I understand that, I couldn't pick the lesser evil between Blanco and Jindal, so I abstained the last time.

OH and LSU beat Auburn. Yay. because Bama was a swim coach at Auburn. 5th ranked... dammit.

I saved a bunch of Money on my Car Insurance...

... trite, but I really did. I don't like lizards.. but he is so cute :)

Ok, new adventure. I love the new job. I did not negotiate salary real well. Or not at all. My friggen bad. Because I still love it, but I have all kinds of new expenses... and I am now paycheck to paycheck. and this is new and bad and wrong.

I am the girl that could live on $20 a week if I had to. There were times in college when I had to. I should not have to now!

So I am looking for ways to cut mad expenses... and even into the logistics of a part time job. ugh. Need some help here.

Also, it would be most conveinent if Austin would open up. The city, or the job in the city. In the mean time, lets see what we can do here.

A State of Flux.

I say that is where I am today, but then again, aren't I always.

What's up peeps... it's been a minute.

Few things to get out of the way...

1. STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING.
Don't look at the screen and pretend to be all self righteous "I would NEVER do that... that's like driving after having a drink or two... that just NEVER happens!" Liar.

You know you do it, so stop it. Bunny hit a curb and blew our 2 tires. Lots of crying and considerable expense later, she is ok. it's an expensive lesson and it could be worse.

2. Remember that time that I was looking for a new job, and got a nibble from consulting firm... and thought this was an awesome oppurtunity... and it would be fantastic to have this job...

It is still freakin great. I have learned so much, gotten to touch so many bigger projects... and made a few mistakes. but it is a process and I am enjoying myself immensly... so much so...

3. I flirting with the possiblity of moving to Austin.

4. NOT FOR THE BOY

5. Because a certain someone has a few friends in Austin (not me) that could extend an even better oppurtunity to a certain someone else (ME!)... so we will see.

I am still working out the shift in the blog, so bear with me.

Also the weekend edition of Wall Street Journal has a really good profile of the Dalai Lama. You should check it out.

Next topic, so I don't forget, How come Hindu spirituality is not an attractive trait? Faith usually is, it is admirable, it is humbling, it shows substance (except in George W. Bush Jr.) but committment to Hinduism... is not something I would go to the movies with... dunno.

Emily's Reasons why not.

It's a book. I forget by whom, I do not remember the name of the authors of the books I read. Japan does. The basic premise is that you look at relationships and really LOOK. Once you have 10 valid reasons to say no, it is a no.

Japan is a no. Now let's see if I can get to 10. (this is working backwards, but I think the premise holds). We'll do 10 and I will tell you about the wonderful weekend in TX. Honestly, I'm glad I went. Sometimes you need to see possibility. He is not crazy, but he is a wanna-be modern day hippie. I think it will be interesting what he comes to after this has worn off.

1. If he has hurt you before, pay attention to that. A zebra cannot change his stripes... what was there very well may still be.

2. The guy that is in love with "women... the way they walk, the way they smell... women are beautiful goddesses" means that this guy is in love with himself. (period)

3. Hitting extremes. There is something to be said for conservative. for stable, for maybe not normal but wanting to create and give safety. If you live your life not knowing where you will be and you are fine with that, we no longer need to continue conversing.

4. The new age hippie. the yoga, raw-vegan (which is more extreme than even just Vegan... who knew that was possible?) is not cute. The "don't think about it... FEEL about it"... might calm me down from hyperventilating once... but after that, you need some new material.

5. Pot is still illegal. and it smells bad. like cigarettes, they are legal and even those are a deal breaker. ICK!

6. You are not going to meet my mom. Don't ask. Unless we have gotten to the point of seriously discussing forever and ever... YOU do not get to bring it up in conversation.

7. If he pays attention to every word you say in the beginning... that is good. If you see and hear him using your words to explain to you how he is everything you have ever wanted... RUN. The using of your verbage is manipulative. and shows lack of genuineness... and just don't fall for it.. it is bad.

How am I stuck at 7?

So I psych myself up to talk to Bama last week. I am no longer afraid of anything. I am female empowered... and in complete control here. I've know Japan forever, how could this hurt me? I need to see what is up here. If only not to run from it... oh how naive.

So I agree to meet him in Houston. We will play with the butterflies (which I love) and find lunch. If I don't think he is crazy I will go to Austin. If I do, I will go home.

I remind myself that I was unfair to Lemon. I feel like I should learn how not to be. I end up in Austin. The whole thing was nice. really great. like a dream, really. but driving home and talking today brought up a bit of reality. Japan is easy to fall into... and I just realized how lucky I am that he does not live in my city.

In the face of him... he is professing undying devotion... which was quick. he asks me to move to Austin, live with him...take my time and find something I WANT to do there. He offers me his world... but I know better than to take it.

He is on a "spiritual" journey which is marked by books like The Secret, The Peaceful Warrior, and the entire New Age section at Barnes and Nobles (he actually took me there to show me all of the books he was in the process of buying...wtf?). He is overly accommodating... which is scary... we will do whatever I want to do... which cannot possibly last. Pretty words aside, it was nice. we did do whatever I wanted to do... and played in creeks and climbed rocks.

and he "pitches for the relationship". all of it. with titles, and one day rings, and wants to meet my family for Thanksgiving... and I can't breath. again. So I just don't say. I tell him he does not understand what he asks for, and leave it at that. and he asks it in every way possible.

The way he is trying to be suffocating is at odds with the "spiritual path" he is on. He may just have found it, but it is the base of Hinduism that I have known my whole life. He is far from where he thinks he is... and too attached to his stuff. How can I say that? He just moved into a new (and nicer) apt. and gave all of his stuff away... to start over and create an environment of peace. If he was truly unmaterialistic... his apt would have been less nice... and he would not be replacing all of his possessions with the same things but in different colors, that is called 'redecorating' or 'makeover'

But then I get home (at 11 last night) and hit the ground running for work this morning. I forget the phone. He texts a couple of times today. I respond when I get home. He asks if he can call me, and I let him. We talk. He is asking if and when I will go back to Austin... and please let him fly me, because he was too nervous w/ me driving. I cannot breath part II. I tell him that he may not know how far he is on his "transformance" and that his attachment to me is not what he thinks it is.

He laughs and says he is not attached. He wants to see me again... but if he didn't he would be ok. In his mind he made the very best out of this weekend and had no regrets. So I have been tried? tested? His grand gesture? What was that? What just happened? what?

He recovers quickly... and maybe it my ego that has been slighted. I have watched my words all weekend not to tell him that I am not "falling for him"... but he can gush... and postulate... and forget my face, he swears he will. I don't even know what to do with that.

True to form, I make an excuse to get off the phone... and wish him a good evening. He asks "Wait, you're not even going to call me back?" to which I think I said "Sure"... translation "no way in hell". I delete his number from recent history (he hadn't even made it to the phone!) and chalk that up to a growing experience.

I don't think I need to offer the benefit of an explanation... I'm sure he can just "feel it".