I say that is where I am today, but then again, aren't I always.
What's up peeps... it's been a minute.
Few things to get out of the way...
1. STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING.
Don't look at the screen and pretend to be all self righteous "I would NEVER do that... that's like driving after having a drink or two... that just NEVER happens!" Liar.
You know you do it, so stop it. Bunny hit a curb and blew our 2 tires. Lots of crying and considerable expense later, she is ok. it's an expensive lesson and it could be worse.
2. Remember that time that I was looking for a new job, and got a nibble from consulting firm... and thought this was an awesome oppurtunity... and it would be fantastic to have this job...
It is still freakin great. I have learned so much, gotten to touch so many bigger projects... and made a few mistakes. but it is a process and I am enjoying myself immensly... so much so...
3. I flirting with the possiblity of moving to Austin.
4. NOT FOR THE BOY
5. Because a certain someone has a few friends in Austin (not me) that could extend an even better oppurtunity to a certain someone else (ME!)... so we will see.
I am still working out the shift in the blog, so bear with me.
Also the weekend edition of Wall Street Journal has a really good profile of the Dalai Lama. You should check it out.
Next topic, so I don't forget, How come Hindu spirituality is not an attractive trait? Faith usually is, it is admirable, it is humbling, it shows substance (except in George W. Bush Jr.) but committment to Hinduism... is not something I would go to the movies with... dunno.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Emily's Reasons why not.
It's a book. I forget by whom, I do not remember the name of the authors of the books I read. Japan does. The basic premise is that you look at relationships and really LOOK. Once you have 10 valid reasons to say no, it is a no.
Japan is a no. Now let's see if I can get to 10. (this is working backwards, but I think the premise holds). We'll do 10 and I will tell you about the wonderful weekend in TX. Honestly, I'm glad I went. Sometimes you need to see possibility. He is not crazy, but he is a wanna-be modern day hippie. I think it will be interesting what he comes to after this has worn off.
1. If he has hurt you before, pay attention to that. A zebra cannot change his stripes... what was there very well may still be.
2. The guy that is in love with "women... the way they walk, the way they smell... women are beautiful goddesses" means that this guy is in love with himself. (period)
3. Hitting extremes. There is something to be said for conservative. for stable, for maybe not normal but wanting to create and give safety. If you live your life not knowing where you will be and you are fine with that, we no longer need to continue conversing.
4. The new age hippie. the yoga, raw-vegan (which is more extreme than even just Vegan... who knew that was possible?) is not cute. The "don't think about it... FEEL about it"... might calm me down from hyperventilating once... but after that, you need some new material.
5. Pot is still illegal. and it smells bad. like cigarettes, they are legal and even those are a deal breaker. ICK!
6. You are not going to meet my mom. Don't ask. Unless we have gotten to the point of seriously discussing forever and ever... YOU do not get to bring it up in conversation.
7. If he pays attention to every word you say in the beginning... that is good. If you see and hear him using your words to explain to you how he is everything you have ever wanted... RUN. The using of your verbage is manipulative. and shows lack of genuineness... and just don't fall for it.. it is bad.
How am I stuck at 7?
So I psych myself up to talk to Bama last week. I am no longer afraid of anything. I am female empowered... and in complete control here. I've know Japan forever, how could this hurt me? I need to see what is up here. If only not to run from it... oh how naive.
So I agree to meet him in Houston. We will play with the butterflies (which I love) and find lunch. If I don't think he is crazy I will go to Austin. If I do, I will go home.
I remind myself that I was unfair to Lemon. I feel like I should learn how not to be. I end up in Austin. The whole thing was nice. really great. like a dream, really. but driving home and talking today brought up a bit of reality. Japan is easy to fall into... and I just realized how lucky I am that he does not live in my city.
In the face of him... he is professing undying devotion... which was quick. he asks me to move to Austin, live with him...take my time and find something I WANT to do there. He offers me his world... but I know better than to take it.
He is on a "spiritual" journey which is marked by books like The Secret, The Peaceful Warrior, and the entire New Age section at Barnes and Nobles (he actually took me there to show me all of the books he was in the process of buying...wtf?). He is overly accommodating... which is scary... we will do whatever I want to do... which cannot possibly last. Pretty words aside, it was nice. we did do whatever I wanted to do... and played in creeks and climbed rocks.
and he "pitches for the relationship". all of it. with titles, and one day rings, and wants to meet my family for Thanksgiving... and I can't breath. again. So I just don't say. I tell him he does not understand what he asks for, and leave it at that. and he asks it in every way possible.
The way he is trying to be suffocating is at odds with the "spiritual path" he is on. He may just have found it, but it is the base of Hinduism that I have known my whole life. He is far from where he thinks he is... and too attached to his stuff. How can I say that? He just moved into a new (and nicer) apt. and gave all of his stuff away... to start over and create an environment of peace. If he was truly unmaterialistic... his apt would have been less nice... and he would not be replacing all of his possessions with the same things but in different colors, that is called 'redecorating' or 'makeover'
But then I get home (at 11 last night) and hit the ground running for work this morning. I forget the phone. He texts a couple of times today. I respond when I get home. He asks if he can call me, and I let him. We talk. He is asking if and when I will go back to Austin... and please let him fly me, because he was too nervous w/ me driving. I cannot breath part II. I tell him that he may not know how far he is on his "transformance" and that his attachment to me is not what he thinks it is.
He laughs and says he is not attached. He wants to see me again... but if he didn't he would be ok. In his mind he made the very best out of this weekend and had no regrets. So I have been tried? tested? His grand gesture? What was that? What just happened? what?
He recovers quickly... and maybe it my ego that has been slighted. I have watched my words all weekend not to tell him that I am not "falling for him"... but he can gush... and postulate... and forget my face, he swears he will. I don't even know what to do with that.
True to form, I make an excuse to get off the phone... and wish him a good evening. He asks "Wait, you're not even going to call me back?" to which I think I said "Sure"... translation "no way in hell". I delete his number from recent history (he hadn't even made it to the phone!) and chalk that up to a growing experience.
I don't think I need to offer the benefit of an explanation... I'm sure he can just "feel it".
Japan is a no. Now let's see if I can get to 10. (this is working backwards, but I think the premise holds). We'll do 10 and I will tell you about the wonderful weekend in TX. Honestly, I'm glad I went. Sometimes you need to see possibility. He is not crazy, but he is a wanna-be modern day hippie. I think it will be interesting what he comes to after this has worn off.
1. If he has hurt you before, pay attention to that. A zebra cannot change his stripes... what was there very well may still be.
2. The guy that is in love with "women... the way they walk, the way they smell... women are beautiful goddesses" means that this guy is in love with himself. (period)
3. Hitting extremes. There is something to be said for conservative. for stable, for maybe not normal but wanting to create and give safety. If you live your life not knowing where you will be and you are fine with that, we no longer need to continue conversing.
4. The new age hippie. the yoga, raw-vegan (which is more extreme than even just Vegan... who knew that was possible?) is not cute. The "don't think about it... FEEL about it"... might calm me down from hyperventilating once... but after that, you need some new material.
5. Pot is still illegal. and it smells bad. like cigarettes, they are legal and even those are a deal breaker. ICK!
6. You are not going to meet my mom. Don't ask. Unless we have gotten to the point of seriously discussing forever and ever... YOU do not get to bring it up in conversation.
7. If he pays attention to every word you say in the beginning... that is good. If you see and hear him using your words to explain to you how he is everything you have ever wanted... RUN. The using of your verbage is manipulative. and shows lack of genuineness... and just don't fall for it.. it is bad.
How am I stuck at 7?
So I psych myself up to talk to Bama last week. I am no longer afraid of anything. I am female empowered... and in complete control here. I've know Japan forever, how could this hurt me? I need to see what is up here. If only not to run from it... oh how naive.
So I agree to meet him in Houston. We will play with the butterflies (which I love) and find lunch. If I don't think he is crazy I will go to Austin. If I do, I will go home.
I remind myself that I was unfair to Lemon. I feel like I should learn how not to be. I end up in Austin. The whole thing was nice. really great. like a dream, really. but driving home and talking today brought up a bit of reality. Japan is easy to fall into... and I just realized how lucky I am that he does not live in my city.
In the face of him... he is professing undying devotion... which was quick. he asks me to move to Austin, live with him...take my time and find something I WANT to do there. He offers me his world... but I know better than to take it.
He is on a "spiritual" journey which is marked by books like The Secret, The Peaceful Warrior, and the entire New Age section at Barnes and Nobles (he actually took me there to show me all of the books he was in the process of buying...wtf?). He is overly accommodating... which is scary... we will do whatever I want to do... which cannot possibly last. Pretty words aside, it was nice. we did do whatever I wanted to do... and played in creeks and climbed rocks.
and he "pitches for the relationship". all of it. with titles, and one day rings, and wants to meet my family for Thanksgiving... and I can't breath. again. So I just don't say. I tell him he does not understand what he asks for, and leave it at that. and he asks it in every way possible.
The way he is trying to be suffocating is at odds with the "spiritual path" he is on. He may just have found it, but it is the base of Hinduism that I have known my whole life. He is far from where he thinks he is... and too attached to his stuff. How can I say that? He just moved into a new (and nicer) apt. and gave all of his stuff away... to start over and create an environment of peace. If he was truly unmaterialistic... his apt would have been less nice... and he would not be replacing all of his possessions with the same things but in different colors, that is called 'redecorating' or 'makeover'
But then I get home (at 11 last night) and hit the ground running for work this morning. I forget the phone. He texts a couple of times today. I respond when I get home. He asks if he can call me, and I let him. We talk. He is asking if and when I will go back to Austin... and please let him fly me, because he was too nervous w/ me driving. I cannot breath part II. I tell him that he may not know how far he is on his "transformance" and that his attachment to me is not what he thinks it is.
He laughs and says he is not attached. He wants to see me again... but if he didn't he would be ok. In his mind he made the very best out of this weekend and had no regrets. So I have been tried? tested? His grand gesture? What was that? What just happened? what?
He recovers quickly... and maybe it my ego that has been slighted. I have watched my words all weekend not to tell him that I am not "falling for him"... but he can gush... and postulate... and forget my face, he swears he will. I don't even know what to do with that.
True to form, I make an excuse to get off the phone... and wish him a good evening. He asks "Wait, you're not even going to call me back?" to which I think I said "Sure"... translation "no way in hell". I delete his number from recent history (he hadn't even made it to the phone!) and chalk that up to a growing experience.
I don't think I need to offer the benefit of an explanation... I'm sure he can just "feel it".
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