So today has been an interesting day. Last night I had to say no to every social outing. I was tired. It happens. Between the week at work and every social even shoved into every waking hour. I'm fricken tired, and I'm fricken done.
The Heart Run today. I met Jared. You know the Subway guy. He is gung ho about Subway. Mid-conversation he asked if I wanted an autographed pic of him. How do you say no to that?
Anyway. I finished the 3 miles in about 32 min. it's not good.
P-day and friends ran with me until I got slow. Then they pretended not to know me. It's cool, I understand. Bunny says that's what I get for trying to look like a girl and still compete with the boys. The very young desk clerk who asks me out every Tuesday ran the entire thing with me. He even waited when I had to stop for water and then because I was close to throwing up the water. It was interesting.
Tourette's wanted to walk this one too. She got to walk it with someone else. She managed it in 60 min. WTF?
We get to my house and my little cocker spaniel has found a way to rip her ear in a very small but very bleeding way. I scoop her up and bathe her in my bathtub and find a way to make the bleeding stop. In the end it was that liquid bandage stuff and surgical tape. Because otherwise, evertime she shook those ears, it opened up the wound.
Later we made a mission out of a mall trip to buy her an outfit that makes her look like a lady. Most young women who have a lot of fun in their early 20's remember the time someone tells you "Honey, you are now 20-whatever. You don't have to show your boobs to look hot. In fact that is not sexy at all". Somehow Tourettes missed this every time Jenny-bear and I tell her. But these days we are spending more time togther. And if she is to be around my other friends, I need her to not look like something from the wrong side of the tracks. Bear in mind I say this with love. She ended up looking lovely. But still opted for jeans instead of slacks (you can't win 'em all!) which was fine.
tonight was dinner with the girlies. P. F. Changs, which is as tragic as it sounds. Followed by a bar with a live band attached to a restaurant that was filled with old people. it was awful. Followed by a dance club. I'm really too freakin old for this. Dk managed to attach himself and bonded with Tourettes. They have know each other for years and yet hated each other. Wanna know what the deciding factor tonight was? she is clean. no drugs.
Edit: Sunday morning as I am talking to DK he says 1. I set him up. 2. Tourettes was so cool he almost invited her to crawfish boil... 3. that was taken off the table when they got in the jeep and she put her feet on the dashboard. (he is disgusted. i laugh because i sometimes do that. he says "i won't tell you sh*t. She is not you) and 4. The only reason I am forgiven for sneaking out is that he could tell I was done when i "started dancing like a white girl". I stopped drinking an tried to be social with water. and got sleepy. apparently when I am not intoxicated, I dance like a latina. Why not indian girl? (lardki- in hindi) I'm just askin. why not?
So I bailed because I wanted to come home. They are still ripping it up in a club. and I say Cheers.
DK is going to take her to her car. and for that I will accompany him to another crawfish boil tomorrow. I can't feel my nose. possibly the sign of a good night. but what a waste of a blouse that made me feel pretty.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
...
perhaps by the end of this post... the title will have come to me.
Theme song for today is "Someone Like You" Van Morrison.
If there was decent wine in this house, I would be swimming in it right now. This was the song Camello and I would wrap ourselves in at the end of a long day. Beer, pizza, and bad chic movies. and rounded out with talking til late in the morning. and Van. He makes you believe, doesn't he.
Tourettes and I did the lakes this evening. Besides yoga I haven't been to the gym this week. We bought swim suits tonight. I don't know if I will ever wear it. I am self conscious in it. I am self conscious in every thing.
She did not talk to GoodChristian. She texted him about her friend, he sent her a flirty text aimed at his ex. She thought he was flirting with her, and he corrected her (dumba**). Told you he had Bama tendencies. But Tourettes played it a little differently. She was an a** to him over text. She is hurt. She goes on and on about how he never cared about her. They've been broken up for 2 months and she hasn't seen him in a month (and he lives in our city). She left that part out Tuesday. So I hold the pieces of my friend together. and I still say she should talk to him. at least for her own sanity.
and how funny that I saw myself in her situation. You make a mistake, and the boy gets upset. He expresses it and you don't care. Then he does something to show him bum and you drop him. Thinking it is his bad and he should know better. and you move on. But you don't tell him he has hurt you, because he might act the way that you did. Which would be devastating. So you find someone who you think "deserves" you and you dump your leftover baggage on him. and when he is found to be lacking, the lack must be him, right? no.
I made her run more this time, thinking she could not possibly run and b*tch at the same time. Wrong again. Boy am I glad I didn't push for any option.
But now I feel like a bit of a hypocrite. She says I didn't talk to Bama about it, that I just dropped him. Yes but he defaulted on a pitch. His was a deal breaker. He understands he messed up. I don't need to explain it. and this time I had the good bearings not to unload on him. Maybe that is why he is still pitching? I don't know.
Lemon has been hurt by the blog. He didn't say so exactly, but he snipped a bit. I am officially not giving access to anyone else. Not even Jenny-Bear who has asked and asked. People want to read it to see where they fit. and are unhappy about the picture given. People don't want you to take their picture to see how you see them, only to have a picture of themselves. I like that. That is actually so true it's not funny.
Maybe one day I will want to be with someone like me. This tired girl is going to bed.
oh, did you get the pic? the Degas? dancer waiting in the wings? He used to be my favorite. Before KitKat was offended by my conventionalities. and I got the hiccups in the Faberge room. ahhh... mais c'est si bonne.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Why do prostitutes have pimps?
That is a serious question.
no, seriously. Think about that, why? What do they get out of the arrangement? I mean... aren't pros kind of like free agents. Don't they go out and drum up their own business? and they give a pimp money? why? for what? what are they paying for? drugs? your finding people buy your snatch, you can't find your own illegal substances? I'm just asking.
On to Tourettes. I told you she broke the good-Christian. but in a way, she may have gotten a bit of a break to. She liked him. He, like all good guys who try to be good to you, sheds and interesting light on the ways we lack. He brings center spotlight to her problems with substances and rages... which is why socially you never know what you are going to get. From the span of time I first blogged her to date... she has decided she wants to be a better person, for her. Which is admirable and hard. So I am there for my friend. and being a good friend means containing the crazy. (not that she is the only one that has it... i did call people names for no good reason). onward.
They do not speak verbally anymore. They text, email, and myspace. She is obsessive over every interaction. We did the lakes last night (4.2 miles) and the ENTIRE time is me listening to her about him. and she wants my advice. Like i am in a position to give advice? She says Bama came back (and keeps coming back) so that means I did something right. NO. Bama has nothing to do with me, and success and failure is measure by how you feel... not whether some schmuck-head feels the need to pitch.
But she is legitimately upset. I want to be a good friend. She is very angry with men, and it is humbling for her to realize that all of her issues with them and all of the anger is not because they are inherently bad men. So I humbly sit next to my friend and tell her she has 3 options. 1) get in touch with him and talk to him. have him talk to her. 2) keep it as it is. or .... 3) let it go. delete email, drop myspace, erase # and move on.
She asks which one I recommend. I say I don't. I secretly want to nudge her to 1. but I want her to get there.
She says 2 is not an option because she is becoming obsessive and miserable. and 3 is not because she is not ready. But 1 is also not because it's hard and HOW can she do that?! (it is hard. not that I do it, but JEEZ)
Last night she chose 2.
This morning she texts me with 1. Later say text "I CAN'T"
I say: Yes u can. If he says no, u haven't lost anything and at least u will know. u r awesome and ur growing as a person! that is wonderful!
I feel the need to pass the accolade because what would I do without people like Bunny who hold up my world. and know that I need reoccurring v-mails, especially when I don't feel like such an awesome person.
But this isn't about me. I'll let you know what happens. However, let me preface this with I have seen Bama-like tendencies w/ good Christian. Which is fitting because Bama is also Good Christian, except for the abstinence and tee tottering.
no, seriously. Think about that, why? What do they get out of the arrangement? I mean... aren't pros kind of like free agents. Don't they go out and drum up their own business? and they give a pimp money? why? for what? what are they paying for? drugs? your finding people buy your snatch, you can't find your own illegal substances? I'm just asking.
On to Tourettes. I told you she broke the good-Christian. but in a way, she may have gotten a bit of a break to. She liked him. He, like all good guys who try to be good to you, sheds and interesting light on the ways we lack. He brings center spotlight to her problems with substances and rages... which is why socially you never know what you are going to get. From the span of time I first blogged her to date... she has decided she wants to be a better person, for her. Which is admirable and hard. So I am there for my friend. and being a good friend means containing the crazy. (not that she is the only one that has it... i did call people names for no good reason). onward.
They do not speak verbally anymore. They text, email, and myspace. She is obsessive over every interaction. We did the lakes last night (4.2 miles) and the ENTIRE time is me listening to her about him. and she wants my advice. Like i am in a position to give advice? She says Bama came back (and keeps coming back) so that means I did something right. NO. Bama has nothing to do with me, and success and failure is measure by how you feel... not whether some schmuck-head feels the need to pitch.
But she is legitimately upset. I want to be a good friend. She is very angry with men, and it is humbling for her to realize that all of her issues with them and all of the anger is not because they are inherently bad men. So I humbly sit next to my friend and tell her she has 3 options. 1) get in touch with him and talk to him. have him talk to her. 2) keep it as it is. or .... 3) let it go. delete email, drop myspace, erase # and move on.
She asks which one I recommend. I say I don't. I secretly want to nudge her to 1. but I want her to get there.
She says 2 is not an option because she is becoming obsessive and miserable. and 3 is not because she is not ready. But 1 is also not because it's hard and HOW can she do that?! (it is hard. not that I do it, but JEEZ)
Last night she chose 2.
This morning she texts me with 1. Later say text "I CAN'T"
I say: Yes u can. If he says no, u haven't lost anything and at least u will know. u r awesome and ur growing as a person! that is wonderful!
I feel the need to pass the accolade because what would I do without people like Bunny who hold up my world. and know that I need reoccurring v-mails, especially when I don't feel like such an awesome person.
But this isn't about me. I'll let you know what happens. However, let me preface this with I have seen Bama-like tendencies w/ good Christian. Which is fitting because Bama is also Good Christian, except for the abstinence and tee tottering.
Never say never.
I will never marry the dream killer. never, never, never, never. and never. not that he has or would ask. but in light of lack of dating-going-well he has filled in on quite a few potentially complicated events.
As I make plans for this Saturday, I am reminded that I forgot to tell you about last Saturday.
A crawfish boil and a huge party at a rented out upscale, downtown bar. Both were birthday parties. The crawfish boil was less expensive, but the more genuine of the 2. It was a guy that played football w/DK and his son (they are 1 day apart... awwwww... so daddy celebrates on the son's b-day.... awww part deux). Talking to him that morning he says "K... You know that means that we are spending the whole day together... I'm not taking sh*t from you today, I will slow the jeep down to 40 mph and push you out, I'm so serious". Whatever.
So I mapquest directions and he picks me up. We are en route when Mr. Boyscout decides to not follow my directions. He says I wrote it down wrong. I say "Ok, I'm just going to sit here and be wrong. Let me know when you would like to be un-lost". I sit there and shut up.
20 minutes later we hit a dead end and he says "now, please."
We get to the neighborhood that is WOW. I mean friggen WOW. like Lemon's St. Charles but with gi-normous yards and lakes and WOW. We take an extra block to look at the houses and DK says... "One day I will be able to give you one of these".... and I say "but where will you live?" I got THE look. oops.
Boil was great. DK peeled most of my crawfish so I wouldn't tear up my hands and I learned how to pump a keg. This is new territory for me. It was weird. I had a cupcake and I was sooo happy. We spent about 5 hrs in the sun. It was nice. He dropped me home and I took a shower and did a load of laundry because crawfish smells awful. I took a nap.
Later I pick him up for the evening party. I am driving so he can drink. and it was around the corner from his house (are you sensing a pattern). We are introduced by our friends to other people with "can you believe they are not dating? they used to date and now they are FRIENDS!" nice.
It gets better, guy-who-got-left-at-a-restaurant is there and comes to say hi. I try to not make it awkward, but it kind of is. DK picks it up and as we go to the bar I tell him the story... He kisses me on the forehead and hands me a cosmo. I tell him about Lemon too and he says "K, baby you are awesome... but you have to stop acting like that. Why would you do that to guys who have tried to be sweet with you?" and I well up with tears because he isn't telling me anything I don't know. Then he says the worst thing ever... "would you like me to give you $50 for your stupid-tax?"
No. It was never about the money. The money was only a symbolic representation of my stupid mistake. and I was out $50.
So the party was for my friend's mom. her 50th. I saw so many people I have not seen in years. One person I have seen quite often is her dad. He is a very successful attorney who spends a lot of time in my favorite bars. With various women. and no wedding ring. But he is very married. Dk and I watch the perfect family and meet my friend's little brother's new girlfriend who bar-tends at Ruth Chris and is well acquainted with the dad's activities. She and little brother are discussing marriage. She has the balls to tell us that she is sure the son is not like the dad. Dk and I study our drinks. Dk spent an evening at a gentleman's club with little brother on quite a few evenings... this apple is not far from that tree.
And I? I watch the spectacle and am sad for all of the ways we disappoint each other. Doesn't anyone stay in love anymore? I am quiet and contemplative. There is a brass band and hard wood floors, so Dk feels the need to show off. We do. and I tell him when I've had enough. It is a b-day so there is cake. Dk knows that this is the real reason I am here. So he brings me cake. It is great. then he sits next to me and offers me some of his.
And I am afraid that I will never find the pieces of him that are wonderful to me in anyone else. What if it was a one time thing, and even that was not enough because no matter how great he is for how long... he still hit me. one time, but it speaks to his potential. and there is no way in hell I would get stuck in that.
This morning should not have started with this. ick. better post to come. Today is me and bunny's date.
As I make plans for this Saturday, I am reminded that I forgot to tell you about last Saturday.
A crawfish boil and a huge party at a rented out upscale, downtown bar. Both were birthday parties. The crawfish boil was less expensive, but the more genuine of the 2. It was a guy that played football w/DK and his son (they are 1 day apart... awwwww... so daddy celebrates on the son's b-day.... awww part deux). Talking to him that morning he says "K... You know that means that we are spending the whole day together... I'm not taking sh*t from you today, I will slow the jeep down to 40 mph and push you out, I'm so serious". Whatever.
So I mapquest directions and he picks me up. We are en route when Mr. Boyscout decides to not follow my directions. He says I wrote it down wrong. I say "Ok, I'm just going to sit here and be wrong. Let me know when you would like to be un-lost". I sit there and shut up.
20 minutes later we hit a dead end and he says "now, please."
We get to the neighborhood that is WOW. I mean friggen WOW. like Lemon's St. Charles but with gi-normous yards and lakes and WOW. We take an extra block to look at the houses and DK says... "One day I will be able to give you one of these".... and I say "but where will you live?" I got THE look. oops.
Boil was great. DK peeled most of my crawfish so I wouldn't tear up my hands and I learned how to pump a keg. This is new territory for me. It was weird. I had a cupcake and I was sooo happy. We spent about 5 hrs in the sun. It was nice. He dropped me home and I took a shower and did a load of laundry because crawfish smells awful. I took a nap.
Later I pick him up for the evening party. I am driving so he can drink. and it was around the corner from his house (are you sensing a pattern). We are introduced by our friends to other people with "can you believe they are not dating? they used to date and now they are FRIENDS!" nice.
It gets better, guy-who-got-left-at-a-restaurant is there and comes to say hi. I try to not make it awkward, but it kind of is. DK picks it up and as we go to the bar I tell him the story... He kisses me on the forehead and hands me a cosmo. I tell him about Lemon too and he says "K, baby you are awesome... but you have to stop acting like that. Why would you do that to guys who have tried to be sweet with you?" and I well up with tears because he isn't telling me anything I don't know. Then he says the worst thing ever... "would you like me to give you $50 for your stupid-tax?"
No. It was never about the money. The money was only a symbolic representation of my stupid mistake. and I was out $50.
So the party was for my friend's mom. her 50th. I saw so many people I have not seen in years. One person I have seen quite often is her dad. He is a very successful attorney who spends a lot of time in my favorite bars. With various women. and no wedding ring. But he is very married. Dk and I watch the perfect family and meet my friend's little brother's new girlfriend who bar-tends at Ruth Chris and is well acquainted with the dad's activities. She and little brother are discussing marriage. She has the balls to tell us that she is sure the son is not like the dad. Dk and I study our drinks. Dk spent an evening at a gentleman's club with little brother on quite a few evenings... this apple is not far from that tree.
And I? I watch the spectacle and am sad for all of the ways we disappoint each other. Doesn't anyone stay in love anymore? I am quiet and contemplative. There is a brass band and hard wood floors, so Dk feels the need to show off. We do. and I tell him when I've had enough. It is a b-day so there is cake. Dk knows that this is the real reason I am here. So he brings me cake. It is great. then he sits next to me and offers me some of his.
And I am afraid that I will never find the pieces of him that are wonderful to me in anyone else. What if it was a one time thing, and even that was not enough because no matter how great he is for how long... he still hit me. one time, but it speaks to his potential. and there is no way in hell I would get stuck in that.
This morning should not have started with this. ick. better post to come. Today is me and bunny's date.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
"Excuse me, Who the f*ck are you, please?"
The tag line is from Bat-Girl. It is what we are expected to say to people who seek to squash dreams and make us small like them. It polite yet poignant.
Segue to pic.
It is a pic and quote by Gursky. Whom, the Financial Times reports today, has the distinction of being the photographer of the most expensive photograph ever sold at auction. I could not find the pic online, so this is what you get. (I imagine private would be different). It sold for 1.7 million francs and I cannot find the franc sign. In dollars it is just enough to sustain my shoe fetish for the length of time it takes A-Rod to come to his senses and propose... you do the math.
The pic that sold is a macro view of a Formula 1 set of pits under a viewing platform that is glassed in. It is cool looking
The article likens his work to the "Where's Waldo" books of our youth, in that is uses aerial views of object and individuals with extreme (and unrealistic) clarity. "Like a photo of yourself taken from far far away..." (ani defranco ladies and gentleman) but with close up distinction of features. It is digitized and not a true "photograph" as it is a diptych. The writer is amused that his colleague finds a figure found in another bit of Gursky's work. Same guy, different shirt, same stance, same expression.
It seems to suggest a bit of insight to the mind of the master that he is moved by this object. Writer goes on to say that is what artists do, take a bit of something that speaks to them and find the beauty fitting to be around it. (that is my awesome paraphrase :)
Segue to making it relevant to me (yay me)
Much like writing, or writing with a theme. or writing about ideas, ideals, situations that have yet to work themselves out. Poetry to give words to the words that you wouldn't tell anyone else, but seek to express just not to hold them. and the blog that is the play by play of hit and misses. and my peats and repeats don't look so bad. Because one day, you, like I will be able to see the bigger picture. Like a Gursky, and it will be well worth it.
P.s. I fell in yoga, on the hardest thing ever. One legged upward dog- drop to one legged plank, rolled through chatra danga to cobra and back up to down dog. With out dropping the other leg. I got right it before everybody else, because I am competitive like that, and when it got easier, I'd moved back too far, my socks hit the floor and *BOOM* slipped from under me. It was soo hot. P-Day didn't even move. I could have died! It could have been awful!... or just melo-dramatic. He looks over eventually and says- "Suck it up Beautiful and get back to it." Rat bastard.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
I have officially stolen a fork.
...but really it wasn't on purpose. I didn't realize it was not a plastic fork until I handed my cake to DK and he pointed it out...because he dropped it and heard it make noise.
Did I mention I have cake? and it was the best cake ever. I like cake.
This weekend has been great, but I am ready for a day of rest. Well, maybe more like chores... or I will have a non-clean bathroom and nothing to wear to work.
Friday was fun. Work, gym, Margaritas w/girlies. That part was lame. So Tourette's and I snuck out to a funner (?) bar. It was fun for me, not so much to her. Saw a girl I knew YEARS ago. She hates me. I don't particularly care for her. She was swapping spit in the corner w/some guy and his friends. And I remember what pda looks like to everyone who is unfortunate to get to watch. We left there and had the bright idea of finding a club. I don't know why we thought this was a good idea. But at least we didn't make it Tiger-land.
Does that sound like it would have a bunch of college bars? It does. Maybe filled with a bunch of super young-un's? It is. I say "Wow, I haven't been there in a hot second. Madigan and I had a truth bench at one of the bars, on the patio. We would drink when we were sad and plan the rest of our lives, and how our kids would play to gether, etc." and Tourette's says "F*ck Madigan!". I understand why she says so.
So we make it to another club. It is what you would further expect, the same music they've played forever... with all of the girls looking like bar skanks and the guys loving it. We get drinks and bop around. It was okay but at some point we realize there are no 5 minute friends we want to talk to. and the people talking to us are lame. We leave. Tourette's left her card at the bar, we go back. I find the bathroom and then look for my friend. Some yuppie who was talking to us earlier comes over and asks for my #, I ask how old he was... he says 20. I have to say "Oh, honey no. I just couldn't". wanna know what the comeback was?
"But I have money!"
oh, excuse me, I couldn't tell at first. Let me just jot that down for you. I told Chicago Sat morning and he says I should have charged $10 a digit and started with the area code- and given him half. I told him next time I would do that, but use his # and keep all of the money.
Because we had to go back to the club, I subjected Tourette's to Taco Bell. and by the time we got back to my house, she had eaten it all. rat bastard.
Will tell you about Saturday later. For now I am debating between cereal or cake for breakfast.
Did I mention I have cake? and it was the best cake ever. I like cake.
This weekend has been great, but I am ready for a day of rest. Well, maybe more like chores... or I will have a non-clean bathroom and nothing to wear to work.
Friday was fun. Work, gym, Margaritas w/girlies. That part was lame. So Tourette's and I snuck out to a funner (?) bar. It was fun for me, not so much to her. Saw a girl I knew YEARS ago. She hates me. I don't particularly care for her. She was swapping spit in the corner w/some guy and his friends. And I remember what pda looks like to everyone who is unfortunate to get to watch. We left there and had the bright idea of finding a club. I don't know why we thought this was a good idea. But at least we didn't make it Tiger-land.
Does that sound like it would have a bunch of college bars? It does. Maybe filled with a bunch of super young-un's? It is. I say "Wow, I haven't been there in a hot second. Madigan and I had a truth bench at one of the bars, on the patio. We would drink when we were sad and plan the rest of our lives, and how our kids would play to gether, etc." and Tourette's says "F*ck Madigan!". I understand why she says so.
So we make it to another club. It is what you would further expect, the same music they've played forever... with all of the girls looking like bar skanks and the guys loving it. We get drinks and bop around. It was okay but at some point we realize there are no 5 minute friends we want to talk to. and the people talking to us are lame. We leave. Tourette's left her card at the bar, we go back. I find the bathroom and then look for my friend. Some yuppie who was talking to us earlier comes over and asks for my #, I ask how old he was... he says 20. I have to say "Oh, honey no. I just couldn't". wanna know what the comeback was?
"But I have money!"
oh, excuse me, I couldn't tell at first. Let me just jot that down for you. I told Chicago Sat morning and he says I should have charged $10 a digit and started with the area code- and given him half. I told him next time I would do that, but use his # and keep all of the money.
Because we had to go back to the club, I subjected Tourette's to Taco Bell. and by the time we got back to my house, she had eaten it all. rat bastard.
Will tell you about Saturday later. For now I am debating between cereal or cake for breakfast.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Theme song
Maybe I will feel the need to type later. For now, this is the song for today on repeat. I have rocked it continously... for the song not the vid. but you get the vid because I don't know how to upload the song. Rock out people we have a super fun weekend ahead of us.
P.s. Bama is a rock head. He pitched again. for what reason we have discussed... ego-maniac. The answer he got was "no thank you, I've had just about enough of your inconsistencies". This has nothing to do with me. I wish it did. it would be flattering.
It is one more way Kris and I are different. She believes if a guy gives her anything he will be there for ever and ever. I am accostomed to holding out for everything... your pitch doesn't matter until then. and it's coming ;)
P.s. Bama is a rock head. He pitched again. for what reason we have discussed... ego-maniac. The answer he got was "no thank you, I've had just about enough of your inconsistencies". This has nothing to do with me. I wish it did. it would be flattering.
It is one more way Kris and I are different. She believes if a guy gives her anything he will be there for ever and ever. I am accostomed to holding out for everything... your pitch doesn't matter until then. and it's coming ;)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
The stupid-tax is $50
If you don't read any of my other posts... read this one. There is a great story there.
Yesterday was crap. I was in a crap mood. therefore, I gave people crap attitude. and for it, I got to pay the stupid-tax. and it was about $50. I should feel really bad. But really it is just funny.
Let me get Lemon out of the way 1st. Let me preface this by telling you I was a jerk. Which is further jerk-y because of great yoga, great v-mail from Bunny, great cupcake, and the with so much great- I was inclined to make great jesture of my own. It didn't go well, because things didn't go as planned and I got easily frustrated that my effort at great was not being taken as the greatest thing ever. So now I'm in a funk.
He is going to take the drive to get the great, it seems like an act of Congress. I offer dinner, nope. His mom is with him, he chose fast food or faster than a normal restaurant than dinner w/ me. I like moms. I can play nice nice. but nope. So I set time to let me Boot camp. Because it's hard and I didn't want to run. It was challenging. I hate sprints- I kick everybody's bum on the 1st one... and then I die. Bunny will be out of town for the Fat Boy 5K, a fun race that you do in teams of 4-5... you run a 5K then eat donuts, drink beer, and get lots of other bad for you stuff. The shirts are great too. My team was going to be me, bunny, politician, and over-achiever... and maybe the mexican. So 3 guys and me and bunny. The bad part is all of the guys were hard-core college athletes. oops. not gonna run a mile in 5 min. sorry, just not gonna happen.
So with no bunny, it would just be me and these guys? oh that is so not good. Plus that day is overachiever's b-day and he is trying to be depressed. Ick. Politician is giving wierd vibes... Dk says it's because he is trying to *boink* me. Ummmm.... no, not going to happen. Mexican would still be game, but then I have to find a new team... ick. So I opt for the Heart Run instead. with lesser shirts and no promise of beer (which is fine).
Anyway, so I see Lemon, give him great. He is a gentleman and walks me to my car. and somewhere in there I see fit to unload on him, exactly how upset with him I am. Which I should not have. Oh and i called him an a**. Stay with me people, my night gets worse.
So since I felt slighted over dinner, I made plans for a date with someone I don't even like. Which was stupid. So we are sitting at dinner, and it's cool. I saw this guy the night of the ball, between bars. It's not the Moderate Conservative. He rags on me a lot. I can usually take a joke, but he doesn't know me well enough to be pickin so harshly on me. Plus I don't even like him... my ego was hurt. So he is asking about other people I saw and if I called this guy I used to work with. I said yes we spoke and he's ragging on me that I was double booking, being a date with him and then going to see Chase... and you wanna know what came out?
"I spoke to him about him emailing me his resume for a job, you jackass"
and the jackass part was VERY loud. oops.
I didn't mean for it to come out like that. What is wrong with me? It's not like I can even say I was drunk. I had 2 sips of a gin and tonic (which he ordered for me... because he thought that is what I drink because it was clear. What he had seen me drinking was WATER. I told him, but he thought I was kidding. good job.)
So he slowly drinks his drink and goes to the bathroom. I grab the waiter and ask for the check and tell him what I will tip him if he brings it back before guy gets back from the bathroom. I paid and left. There was just no getting better from there.
So I got a text from Lemon... something about I was an a** and I called him one (which was true). and I text him something smart back. and I wrote something like "from you that is not an insult" and really it wasn't.
From guy-who-got-left... he texts me that I should be more humble with someone who thinks I am special. What kind of response it that?! I ask you. Grow some balls and say you never want to speak to me again! and yet he asked me to a party for a mutual friend on Sat... and I pull out the dream killer as a safety, and say I have a date and this guy is just not for me.
right. so stupid temper tantrum cost me $50. I think that is fitting for a stupid-tax. the next time I show my bum I will put an extra $50 in my savings account.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
T- MINUS 13 DAYS
Last night Bunny left me the sweetest voice mail. She does that. I am lucky to have her.
She says that my hair looked super cute and my stylist did a good job (I had my hair blown straight for the ball- then Gabe washed it yesterday to prove he was better than Lillie- and he was mad I let her touch my head) and it was flattering to my face. :) and blah blah I am beautiful so no should be able to make me feel bad.
I saved her message and Cingular lets me keep it for 14 days. I laugh at myself because I got another great voicemail from her the night of cede of somebody. I saved it then too... gave myself the 14 days to get over it. by day 14 I was still feeling a bit awkward.
I tell her this as we play catch up today. She laughs. I have 13 days left to believe it, and she promises another great v-mail when that one deletes itself.
:)
She says that my hair looked super cute and my stylist did a good job (I had my hair blown straight for the ball- then Gabe washed it yesterday to prove he was better than Lillie- and he was mad I let her touch my head) and it was flattering to my face. :) and blah blah I am beautiful so no should be able to make me feel bad.
I saved her message and Cingular lets me keep it for 14 days. I laugh at myself because I got another great voicemail from her the night of cede of somebody. I saved it then too... gave myself the 14 days to get over it. by day 14 I was still feeling a bit awkward.
I tell her this as we play catch up today. She laughs. I have 13 days left to believe it, and she promises another great v-mail when that one deletes itself.
:)
CupCake wishes
That is what I give you guys. Because I heart cupcakes. I am uber excited that a bakery 1/2 between work and gym sells them individually. and they are great.I have heard an observation of myself that made me argue vehemently against it... mostly because it is true.
Most people have the benefit of 2.5 seconds (figuratively) to make an impression. If I don't REALLY like something about you in that short span of time, I'm not going to. I can try to talk myself into it, and you can show promise... but if someone asks me about it and I don't absolutely light up... the clock is ticking until you are to be pushed.
Not to say that I dislike people who I have around me superficially and am not enamored with... but I do not seek to put them in my pocket. and the worst part is... that it gets worse if I try to talk myself into liking someone. It just doesn't work.
But I take this as a negative because I am still single, so that means my way has never worked?
and in retrospect I chide myself when I knew better. a year and some change, 3 trys and lots of I'm sorry. and I knew it was coming and that he wasn't to be a long time ago.
and then, another is who he is, and it is not enough for me. and isn't because he doesn't have it in him to be.
and Dk who talks of forever and ever, and I have to leave the room so I don't get sick in front of him. because the thought of spending my life with him makes me want to join a convent. and I'm not christian. i heart that he hearts me, but i have no overt heart for him. and that also makes me a bad person. maybe i should send him a cupcake also.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Moderate Conservative
"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart"
Who said that? You know who said that... well wrote it anyway.
It is Anne Frank- the last line of the diary. and profound to be sure.
The Moderate Conservative is a quite a testament to how that may not be entirely true. He's an a**hole. He will tell you this, but not in those words. How do I know? He told me.
*Sidenote* Before I post this, let me preface by saying that it is a good thing that I am me, because if I wasn't, I certainly wouldn't try to date me. The recent smack was such a kick in the ego because it is the 2nd time ever that someone has had the choice to date me... and inadvertantly said "No thank you". ouch. The other one I deserved, and he says it doesn't count as a rejection because he wouldn't take me back because I broke his heart. Which was true. Honestly I've never really put it out there, and in some respect it is a good thing to know that to have someone say no is not the worst thing in the world. I've never really stayed long enough, and maybe I am desperately afraid of looking foolish. Whatever.
K. Off we go.
Once upon a time I had to take freshman biology as a senior in high school (While I was taking AP Physics...WTF?), oddly enough my last class in college was freshman biology lab... for some reason it is so hard to me. I digress. MC- was in my class. I didn't see him until college. He expressed how much he had a huge crush on me. It was cute. He tried to date me. He is full of himself. One day we were on the phone as I was downloading some Hindi music (and paying for it legitimately ;) he asked what I was listening to and I told him. He says "Indian people make music?" Yes it is from a movie. "Indian people make movies?" Yes, in fact India has Bollywood which is the largest film industry in terms of size and films produced each year.
...here it comes... get ready.... "I guess I'm just ethno-centric and I think that Americans are the only people that do anything right" he says.
me: You don't really mean that
MC: No, I do.
me: You know I'm Indian, right?
MC: Yes but you are also American, so I like that you LOOK exotic, but you are normal on the inside
me: wow, and you are trying to date me?
MC: Yes, I like you very much. I just think my way is the only that is right in just about everything. blah blah Fox news... Bill O'Reilly is the greatest newscaster to ever live, everyone else is lying, blah blah
me: grow up *click*
So I ran into him randomly. I am me, so I am still polite, he is him so he is still asking if he can call me. He showed his bum at some club, I was with the next guy I dated so it didn't matter. I'm sure I've seen him a bunch of times later.
Then he is at Friday's Ball. He seems happy to see me, and the gin in me was happy to see him. We talk for a bit. He is in law school and will be a politician. Ok, that is not a giant leap of faith. He says he's sorry for whatever transpired between us and I don't know him now. He's really different. I said something like "Yeah, you were a bit intense" He laughs and says "NO, I was an a**hole" I don't disagree.
He further enlightens me that the biggest change he has made is that he has learned how to say whatever someone wants to hear to get whatever he wants. Wow. His recent ex-girlfriend of 2 years has been cheating on him, and he laments that he has become cynical. I believe he started out that way.
He asks who I am with and I point out DK, he asks and I tell the truth- he's the ex. MC is amazed that we are still friendly if not always friends. He asks if there are complications with dating other people. I say, why would there be? He says it may create insecurities. I tell him I am just dating people and nothing serious... he says "you must like B.Shi*t then" because to him- dating equals B.s. No- I am enjoying people and not dumping huge amounts of expectation on them, or at least trying not to, because I also recognize what I am not ready for.
I then ask if our conversation is something he considers B.s. he says of course not, he knows me. I laugh and say he should only talk to people he knows then... he seeks to recover the fumble and mercifully Dk shows up to twirl me away.
I did speak to him before we left. Kissed him on the cheek and wished him well in life, in case I never see him again. Which I kind of hope not to.
Who said that? You know who said that... well wrote it anyway.
It is Anne Frank- the last line of the diary. and profound to be sure.
The Moderate Conservative is a quite a testament to how that may not be entirely true. He's an a**hole. He will tell you this, but not in those words. How do I know? He told me.
*Sidenote* Before I post this, let me preface by saying that it is a good thing that I am me, because if I wasn't, I certainly wouldn't try to date me. The recent smack was such a kick in the ego because it is the 2nd time ever that someone has had the choice to date me... and inadvertantly said "No thank you". ouch. The other one I deserved, and he says it doesn't count as a rejection because he wouldn't take me back because I broke his heart. Which was true. Honestly I've never really put it out there, and in some respect it is a good thing to know that to have someone say no is not the worst thing in the world. I've never really stayed long enough, and maybe I am desperately afraid of looking foolish. Whatever.
K. Off we go.
Once upon a time I had to take freshman biology as a senior in high school (While I was taking AP Physics...WTF?), oddly enough my last class in college was freshman biology lab... for some reason it is so hard to me. I digress. MC- was in my class. I didn't see him until college. He expressed how much he had a huge crush on me. It was cute. He tried to date me. He is full of himself. One day we were on the phone as I was downloading some Hindi music (and paying for it legitimately ;) he asked what I was listening to and I told him. He says "Indian people make music?" Yes it is from a movie. "Indian people make movies?" Yes, in fact India has Bollywood which is the largest film industry in terms of size and films produced each year.
...here it comes... get ready.... "I guess I'm just ethno-centric and I think that Americans are the only people that do anything right" he says.
me: You don't really mean that
MC: No, I do.
me: You know I'm Indian, right?
MC: Yes but you are also American, so I like that you LOOK exotic, but you are normal on the inside
me: wow, and you are trying to date me?
MC: Yes, I like you very much. I just think my way is the only that is right in just about everything. blah blah Fox news... Bill O'Reilly is the greatest newscaster to ever live, everyone else is lying, blah blah
me: grow up *click*
So I ran into him randomly. I am me, so I am still polite, he is him so he is still asking if he can call me. He showed his bum at some club, I was with the next guy I dated so it didn't matter. I'm sure I've seen him a bunch of times later.
Then he is at Friday's Ball. He seems happy to see me, and the gin in me was happy to see him. We talk for a bit. He is in law school and will be a politician. Ok, that is not a giant leap of faith. He says he's sorry for whatever transpired between us and I don't know him now. He's really different. I said something like "Yeah, you were a bit intense" He laughs and says "NO, I was an a**hole" I don't disagree.
He further enlightens me that the biggest change he has made is that he has learned how to say whatever someone wants to hear to get whatever he wants. Wow. His recent ex-girlfriend of 2 years has been cheating on him, and he laments that he has become cynical. I believe he started out that way.
He asks who I am with and I point out DK, he asks and I tell the truth- he's the ex. MC is amazed that we are still friendly if not always friends. He asks if there are complications with dating other people. I say, why would there be? He says it may create insecurities. I tell him I am just dating people and nothing serious... he says "you must like B.Shi*t then" because to him- dating equals B.s. No- I am enjoying people and not dumping huge amounts of expectation on them, or at least trying not to, because I also recognize what I am not ready for.
I then ask if our conversation is something he considers B.s. he says of course not, he knows me. I laugh and say he should only talk to people he knows then... he seeks to recover the fumble and mercifully Dk shows up to twirl me away.
I did speak to him before we left. Kissed him on the cheek and wished him well in life, in case I never see him again. Which I kind of hope not to.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Everything I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten
a bit of literal Fulgam.
Ummmm. how to make this fit?
You have to drink a lot of water, it's good for you? I can remember being little and running around and my mom doing dishes and hiding behind her... she would catch me and make me drink a glass of water before letting me go. That's actually true. She used to say I had to drink it because we had too much water and had to get rid of some, and give the glass back so she could wash it while she was doing dishes. I don't know if I was in kindergarten though, so that might not be so accurate.
Also, we should try to learn from our mistakes. I drank too much on a semi-date. I don't want to do that and have drunk girl conversations. I know how to drink socially. I do.
So the lesson we take is to drink lots of water when drinking, and say "WHEN". The ball last night was lovely. Especially since it was next door (downtown) to a couple of bars I know well, that had bands for St. Pat's Eve. Basically it was a big block party, and in a formal gown and dress coat I was the best dress person in EVERY bar. DK was a passable date. but Bama flashbacks... we danced on hardwood floors to a brass band. The Michael Foster Project. I know the trumpet guy. DK spins and dips me like it's cool... and it was for the 1st 30 min... after that I was trying to throw other girls at him. JB and hubby were next door so I snuck out and made friends. Eventually I went back.
ohhh and there was the guy that tried to date me a long time ago... We'll call him the "Moderate Conservative" which is how he describes himself and translates into overly vocal Republican a**hole. There is a good story there.
So anyway, we ball... and play at the bars. and I'm ready to go. I am under the impression we are going. We get into the Jeep w/2 other people I just met and I am told we are going to one more party. WHAT? and I put my feet up to where we went and DK puts my head on his shoulder... and I rested my eyes for a minute. But it's really different from passing out. Allegedly.
Got woken up at 8 this morning for a parade that started at 10. That was mean and wrong, and I believe that people who do that get smacked with dead fish. At someone's party I'm walking around looking for coffee... and people keep looking in their coolers and offering me beer. Which is so similar it's scary. There were tons of fun people there. We gave away all of our beads to kids, remember when you were little and they were the most exciting thing ever? Now they just smell like beer and partying. ick.
Spent today drinking till 2 ish (ok more like 4-ish but 2 sounded better). we meant to go to another block like party- opted for a nap. didn't happen because Ms. Chloe had a princess party as she is now 3. wow. Dream Killer's mom broke her tailbone and wrist so I went with him to bring her soup (and check on my letter of rec... but I didn't bring it up, so technically it was not a hidden agenda). and now I am incognito in pj's with teddybears sleeping on clouds. I couldn't make myself go out tonight if I wanted to.
No hangovers or headaches... but my shins, knees, and back feels like someone beat me. and tomorrow is Ram-Naumi. this is the funnest weekend I've had in a while.
Going to bed now. G'night.
Ummmm. how to make this fit?
You have to drink a lot of water, it's good for you? I can remember being little and running around and my mom doing dishes and hiding behind her... she would catch me and make me drink a glass of water before letting me go. That's actually true. She used to say I had to drink it because we had too much water and had to get rid of some, and give the glass back so she could wash it while she was doing dishes. I don't know if I was in kindergarten though, so that might not be so accurate.
Also, we should try to learn from our mistakes. I drank too much on a semi-date. I don't want to do that and have drunk girl conversations. I know how to drink socially. I do.
So the lesson we take is to drink lots of water when drinking, and say "WHEN". The ball last night was lovely. Especially since it was next door (downtown) to a couple of bars I know well, that had bands for St. Pat's Eve. Basically it was a big block party, and in a formal gown and dress coat I was the best dress person in EVERY bar. DK was a passable date. but Bama flashbacks... we danced on hardwood floors to a brass band. The Michael Foster Project. I know the trumpet guy. DK spins and dips me like it's cool... and it was for the 1st 30 min... after that I was trying to throw other girls at him. JB and hubby were next door so I snuck out and made friends. Eventually I went back.
ohhh and there was the guy that tried to date me a long time ago... We'll call him the "Moderate Conservative" which is how he describes himself and translates into overly vocal Republican a**hole. There is a good story there.
So anyway, we ball... and play at the bars. and I'm ready to go. I am under the impression we are going. We get into the Jeep w/2 other people I just met and I am told we are going to one more party. WHAT? and I put my feet up to where we went and DK puts my head on his shoulder... and I rested my eyes for a minute. But it's really different from passing out. Allegedly.
Got woken up at 8 this morning for a parade that started at 10. That was mean and wrong, and I believe that people who do that get smacked with dead fish. At someone's party I'm walking around looking for coffee... and people keep looking in their coolers and offering me beer. Which is so similar it's scary. There were tons of fun people there. We gave away all of our beads to kids, remember when you were little and they were the most exciting thing ever? Now they just smell like beer and partying. ick.
Spent today drinking till 2 ish (ok more like 4-ish but 2 sounded better). we meant to go to another block like party- opted for a nap. didn't happen because Ms. Chloe had a princess party as she is now 3. wow. Dream Killer's mom broke her tailbone and wrist so I went with him to bring her soup (and check on my letter of rec... but I didn't bring it up, so technically it was not a hidden agenda). and now I am incognito in pj's with teddybears sleeping on clouds. I couldn't make myself go out tonight if I wanted to.
No hangovers or headaches... but my shins, knees, and back feels like someone beat me. and tomorrow is Ram-Naumi. this is the funnest weekend I've had in a while.
Going to bed now. G'night.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
There is a real live Eskimo on Oprah!
That isn't funny. It's kind of interesting. She's very cute. I don't think I could be an Eskimo. It's cold in Alaska. Like ridiculously cold. and they gain weight to keep warm. She's kind of big. and how shallow am I that this is what I am worried about.
In other news, how much weight can you gain in 2 days. Not to sound obsessive or anything. I've missed all of 1 day from the gym and will miss Friday but today I ate every terrible thing.
Also my skin is freaking out. Which it hasn't done in a while. So I'm stressed about prom? hmmm dunno. Also, tonight I tell Dream Killer that instead of him picking me up I want to meet him at his house (the hall it is held at is around the corner from him) so I can leave if I want to. He says "So you will drive home and Saturday get up and get back here for 7 for the St. Pat's parade?" He promised to take the couch if I stay over and I tell him "You bet your a** you get the couch, that's my bed anyway". Technically it is only my mattress set, the frame was a Christmas present from his parents.
But I don't want to stay there. and looking at my post it looks neurotic and skittish. and I think that fitting for where I am. I take mom and grams to the airport tomorrow, they are going to India for 3 weeks. I hyperventalate when grams is overseas. She badly wants to die either in India or Trinidad. Not so ok with that. She has been stealing lollipops from her dr. offices. She gifted me with a nice little collection. My awesome 78 year old clepto.
Avi's mom called me tonight. She mentioned he told her I didn't make it to the gym today and I had to laugh at that. She tells me I am expected at their house for a ceremony in April and this weekend is a big Indian thing as well. So I will be social Friday, intoxicated Saturday, and Indian on Sunday. How fun.
Rounded out with... I really like my blog. I just thought I would tell you. I like it. It is very me (imagine that). and cuando yo escuche a musica en espanol, yo piensa a mi monito. que lastima.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Bianca and her sidekick were in my building today. They helped with a luncheon held at the super exclusive restaurant at the top of my building. Not only is it super expensive, you have to be a member of the social club of the same name to get a table at all. So they are doing this, and the implication of this is that I am having lunch with them. Sounds fantastic, doesn't it.
Ready for the funny part? I am claustrophobic. Albeit I say only slightly. And I am good about managing that, in most situations I have it under control. In circuit training w/ 100+ people I am on the ends of whatever we are doing and my stuff is by the door. Yoga- closest to the door. Movies? I sit on the aisle. and just going up 3 or 7 floors I am fine. But 21... and my chest closed and I couldn't breath. Like a full blown anxiety attack. By the time the doors open, it looked like the elevator was spitting me out. I had to collect myself behind a plant before I visited the Maitre D.
The entire meal I was dreading getting back into the elevator. How funny that as far as we have come, every once in a while we are smacked with our own limitations. My chest still hurts.
ugh.
So the pic is a box turtle. I like him. I think it is rockin that he is neon orange. I have seen one in the grass at my mom's. We were knee deep in dirt, doing something with the flower beds. She saw me looking at him and said "If you even think of bringing that thing into my house, I'm going to give it your room- and you get to sleep outside". Because moms don't so much appreciate every animal that can stand you being brought home. Who knew?
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Today I wore soft fluffy pink pants to yoga.
I could tell you my day started with a "workshop" which equated to 5 attorneys (ny, ny, mi, tx, and rounded out with il) that represent our "interests" in different states listening to themselves talk. and talk. and overstep their welcome by about an hour.
I made it yoga a little late because I didn't trust myself not to kick someone if I'd stayed in the building.
Work was work, and I'm going to be here late.
But none of that matters... because the Dream Killer showed up with cupcakes and honey for my tea because I am out. :) and I remember why I forgive.
that's all I got for now. I think my brain is still fried.
I made it yoga a little late because I didn't trust myself not to kick someone if I'd stayed in the building.
Work was work, and I'm going to be here late.
But none of that matters... because the Dream Killer showed up with cupcakes and honey for my tea because I am out. :) and I remember why I forgive.
that's all I got for now. I think my brain is still fried.
Monday, March 12, 2007
"I like you just the way you are"
The title is the best line ever from the 1st Bridget Jones' Diary. It is when Colin Firth, who had been a f*ckhead right up until then, turns around and utters the most wonderful thing. and every woman everywhere went *SIGH*
I had a bit of one of those today. One of the big things that stung me about Bama was how much he talked about how comfortable he was with himself. My friends fully understand that I am not so much that person. I am embarrassed to be in my own skin. I am not by nature the social butterfly, but the bookworm in the corner. Dream Killer forever tells me that I have presence. I am enchanting. I walk into a room and I own it, everyone looks and no one knows that I am a dork... until I open my mouth and tell them.
I am told that I am my worst critic (aren't we all though?) and the one that defeats me. And if one more person tells me to pick up my head, I'm going to hit them in the shins w/ my bat mafia style.
But today he had only one class and thought he would sleep for most of the day. Of course we had to ruin that. I woke him up by calling 11ty billion times. We were talking about the upcoming ball- he equates it to a grown up prom. I am debating whether or not to wear the BCBG dress. Because if someone were to ruin that dress.. I would need a lawyer, that's all I'm saying. He says there will be a cash bar and intimates I should plan to stay over in case I cannot drive home, or he can't drive me home. and I am mildly offended... "I don't have a drinking problem! I am not a lush! I can NOT drink at a social function!" He says "I know, but you tend to indulge a little bit when you are out of your element". what?
He further goes on to swallow his foot by saying " I don't know why, but when you are trying to be charming- it comes across as forced. When you are playing hostess, you can be obnoxious. and if you drink too much for too long- it's just bad." So where is the good in this? He says "Be yourself. People come to you. they always have. People decribe you as enchanting... and you blush but you don't believe it, it's like you don't trust that." ummm.... well you did just imply that I am not someone that anyone would want to be around.
and then..."remember, I really started chasing you when you were sick. like throwing up for 4 months, spending most days on the couch in a ball. and I fell in love" ok, that means he has bad taste? "with no make up, and goofy bopping around, you are magic, and that is why you have the people you do". nice.
So I tell him I am wearing sweat pants to the ball and right on cue he says "and you will still be the most beautiful girl there." awww. followed by "but you won't, right?".
Carrrrrr-ne.
Happy Monday People! Today is going to be a glorious one
Theme song: Low Rider by War.
Person most recently not-embarrassed by my being the Queen of the land of the dorks: Bunkles
The way they above mentioned 2 tie together: We took a stroll for coffee and on the way out Low Rider came on. And I did the happy dance in the middle of the coffee shop. and all he could do was laugh.
We went to market to pick up breakfast and Bunkles is still singing it. Yay!
On the way out we bump into this guy I went to highschool with. He is now a dancer/coreographer for drag queens. Well yes. Bunkles is still laughing at the happy dance and says "Only you. this only happens with you".
In other news, the pic. you know what it is... think the taco bell commercials. Bunkles newest favorite thing is to try to work that into carne-sation (get it? conversation?) and he says it the whole lame way. Car-nay. caaaaar-neigh?
Pick it up people, "Your a postive motivating force within my life"- as sung by slick rick. ;-)
Sunday, March 11, 2007
White chocolate bread pudding should not have raisens in it
I am typing this post out 1st... and will name it later.
This was the weekend of the Flake. I attribute it to LA's notorious lack of proper seasons. Everybody else has "autumn" and "winter". I've even heard rumors of "spring" and a pleasant "summer"-like span of time. No, my cheeky monkeys, none of those in these parts. You get hot, and cold. And often in the same week and/or day.
My sinuses are not amused. My face freakin hurts w/pressure. I have a migraine like headache that does not like light or movement, and rounds out with an interesting bit of nausea... Aren't I incredibly sexy right now? Grrr baby.
So Friday was supposed to be a movie. Crack-headed Kate's son got arrested so Tourettes went with her to bail him out. I did the happy dance and dove under the covers for some much needed rest.
Saturday started w/the race for the cure. Everybody knew I would conspire to sleep in, so my phone went off at 630 and in 5 min increments. Tourettes and I met up w/Bailey... except we soon figured out Bailey was trying to win... like a 5k in 15 minutes. We casually lost Bailey.
Against my better judgement I circuit trained on Friday (saw Bama on his way out, fortunately I was on phone w/friend who got busted... he waves and smiles. I smile and pass. Eventually I will stop being polite.) and my knees were soooo not happy. We are up to 400mg Celebrex in the morning and 200mg at night w/sporadic Advil. and that only numbs it for a bit. My hips are doing the same thing and the pain is white hot. It's quite fantastic. Tourettes says... "What about a total knee replacement. at least for the right, you know... for now" ummm Sure. why not. except that my threshold for pain is also NEGATIVE.
I tried to make her run, she flat out refused. We mostly walked a 5k. WTF? I tried to trip her in the lake. We did it in like 40. that is my worst time ever. On the plus side, it was across from the Governor's mansion so we saw Gov. Kathleen-worst governor in the history of the world-Babino- I give all intelligent ambitious rockstar women a kick in the knees because I am incompetent and make all women look like emotion idiots- Blanco pass by. Of course she had to make an appearance, we were in her backyard. She is a terrible speaker. The Gov of Kansas was with her also, not a whole lot of reading going on between those two.
In other news, Budweiser sponsors the Race for the Cure. So we found the free beer truck... and the free plastic cup booth, so it didn't look like we were slurping on beer. and another thing, I ran into a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while. Or maybe I see them all the time and I just don't pay attention. I didn't know anyone's name. so there was a lot of "Hey, You!" It was uber fun. One should generally drink free beer and eat sunchips after a race that one walks. allegedly.
SInuses forced me to duck another wedding Sat night. How is it there are still single people left in the world. I am sure everyone I have ever met is married by now. Sunday (today), no mandir (church) for me. I went to a harder (or it was supposed to be) yoga class. and i remember why I stopped going to this one. but I really needed it, I hurt something awful. I had dinner w/the Engineer. I enjoy him. He is great company. I ate everything in the world that I should not, and I had to give it right back. Tummy still upset. I wonder how this guy is still single.
and yet how awful that I write that and even I do not want him. But I think I get points for wanting a carbon copy... w/a few modifications.
The post in draft that may take some time to finish is "Lessons from a Serial Monogamist". which is what he proclaims to be. It kind of puts things into perspective...I'll tell you about the year of the Yes a bit later. This blog is a bit long and I still don't have a title.
This was the weekend of the Flake. I attribute it to LA's notorious lack of proper seasons. Everybody else has "autumn" and "winter". I've even heard rumors of "spring" and a pleasant "summer"-like span of time. No, my cheeky monkeys, none of those in these parts. You get hot, and cold. And often in the same week and/or day.
My sinuses are not amused. My face freakin hurts w/pressure. I have a migraine like headache that does not like light or movement, and rounds out with an interesting bit of nausea... Aren't I incredibly sexy right now? Grrr baby.
So Friday was supposed to be a movie. Crack-headed Kate's son got arrested so Tourettes went with her to bail him out. I did the happy dance and dove under the covers for some much needed rest.
Saturday started w/the race for the cure. Everybody knew I would conspire to sleep in, so my phone went off at 630 and in 5 min increments. Tourettes and I met up w/Bailey... except we soon figured out Bailey was trying to win... like a 5k in 15 minutes. We casually lost Bailey.
Against my better judgement I circuit trained on Friday (saw Bama on his way out, fortunately I was on phone w/friend who got busted... he waves and smiles. I smile and pass. Eventually I will stop being polite.) and my knees were soooo not happy. We are up to 400mg Celebrex in the morning and 200mg at night w/sporadic Advil. and that only numbs it for a bit. My hips are doing the same thing and the pain is white hot. It's quite fantastic. Tourettes says... "What about a total knee replacement. at least for the right, you know... for now" ummm Sure. why not. except that my threshold for pain is also NEGATIVE.
I tried to make her run, she flat out refused. We mostly walked a 5k. WTF? I tried to trip her in the lake. We did it in like 40. that is my worst time ever. On the plus side, it was across from the Governor's mansion so we saw Gov. Kathleen-worst governor in the history of the world-Babino- I give all intelligent ambitious rockstar women a kick in the knees because I am incompetent and make all women look like emotion idiots- Blanco pass by. Of course she had to make an appearance, we were in her backyard. She is a terrible speaker. The Gov of Kansas was with her also, not a whole lot of reading going on between those two.
In other news, Budweiser sponsors the Race for the Cure. So we found the free beer truck... and the free plastic cup booth, so it didn't look like we were slurping on beer. and another thing, I ran into a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while. Or maybe I see them all the time and I just don't pay attention. I didn't know anyone's name. so there was a lot of "Hey, You!" It was uber fun. One should generally drink free beer and eat sunchips after a race that one walks. allegedly.
SInuses forced me to duck another wedding Sat night. How is it there are still single people left in the world. I am sure everyone I have ever met is married by now. Sunday (today), no mandir (church) for me. I went to a harder (or it was supposed to be) yoga class. and i remember why I stopped going to this one. but I really needed it, I hurt something awful. I had dinner w/the Engineer. I enjoy him. He is great company. I ate everything in the world that I should not, and I had to give it right back. Tummy still upset. I wonder how this guy is still single.
and yet how awful that I write that and even I do not want him. But I think I get points for wanting a carbon copy... w/a few modifications.
The post in draft that may take some time to finish is "Lessons from a Serial Monogamist". which is what he proclaims to be. It kind of puts things into perspective...I'll tell you about the year of the Yes a bit later. This blog is a bit long and I still don't have a title.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Friday to Friday
In not even the span of 1 week the Dream Killer has managed to show his bum. Before Tuesday's reception- JB was late and Bunny bailed completely... he was waiting with me and got handed my phone to give her directions (I am bad with directions). After she hangs up he scrolls through my recent calls. He see his friend and says "Engineer? Like my engineer?" and I say something like "Yours, mine, who really keeps track". He'd also been hinting about him earlier in the week.
So I think I blogged when I ran into Engineer. We had dinner that night, and coffee a week later. We talk occassionally, and I got to have the a**hole conversation of "I'm not trying to date you, so stop calling so much" and because Engineer is a prince among men, it went well. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks at least. My surmission (?) is that someone DK knows saw us somewhere and saw fit to tell him (I hate how small my city feels sometimes). I don't have to explain this to DK. Especially since the break up was at least 2 years ago. Now it's probably more like 2 1/2, suffice it to say it was a long time ago.
Dk and I spat. I forgive. We are cool. Wednesday he calls to formally ask me to the Barrister's Ball... I have brand new ball gown that hasn't been worn anywhere. I say yes. and then have to pull out of a bowling tournament (much to the response of Bunkles trying to throw a keyboard at me). The worst was the little Momma who pulled out the EDS. At me even! I say "I'm sorry" and she says "I'm not upset you aren't bowling... I am angry because he does not deserve you." oh.
Yesterday I saw Dk- He was to have dinner w/a girl I know from like 3rd grade. He explains it as he was helping her w/ a campaign for something or other - and this was her thank you. I don't care. He was "tired" from studying all night. Ok.
But I get home and get a call from the Engineer. Calling to make sure I am alright. I say "yes of course, why wouldn't I be?" Apparently Wednesday night DK left a drunk message on Engineer's phone. Lots of slurring but my name was clear as a bell. nice. Engineer calls back and DK does not answer the phone. so business as ususal. I am not going to address it with him, there is no need to.
Now I don't want to go to the ball. Countdown to the blow up. I wonder if it will come before the ball, or even then. How wonderful to have such a reliable card trick.
and just the other day I was happy because he was safe and comfortable. or he's still and a**hole. whatever.
The other call I got was that Tourette's grandmother died. She doesn't want to talk about it... which never happens. So I will try to spend this evening sitting next to her. and being whatever she needs.
So I think I blogged when I ran into Engineer. We had dinner that night, and coffee a week later. We talk occassionally, and I got to have the a**hole conversation of "I'm not trying to date you, so stop calling so much" and because Engineer is a prince among men, it went well. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks at least. My surmission (?) is that someone DK knows saw us somewhere and saw fit to tell him (I hate how small my city feels sometimes). I don't have to explain this to DK. Especially since the break up was at least 2 years ago. Now it's probably more like 2 1/2, suffice it to say it was a long time ago.
Dk and I spat. I forgive. We are cool. Wednesday he calls to formally ask me to the Barrister's Ball... I have brand new ball gown that hasn't been worn anywhere. I say yes. and then have to pull out of a bowling tournament (much to the response of Bunkles trying to throw a keyboard at me). The worst was the little Momma who pulled out the EDS. At me even! I say "I'm sorry" and she says "I'm not upset you aren't bowling... I am angry because he does not deserve you." oh.
Yesterday I saw Dk- He was to have dinner w/a girl I know from like 3rd grade. He explains it as he was helping her w/ a campaign for something or other - and this was her thank you. I don't care. He was "tired" from studying all night. Ok.
But I get home and get a call from the Engineer. Calling to make sure I am alright. I say "yes of course, why wouldn't I be?" Apparently Wednesday night DK left a drunk message on Engineer's phone. Lots of slurring but my name was clear as a bell. nice. Engineer calls back and DK does not answer the phone. so business as ususal. I am not going to address it with him, there is no need to.
Now I don't want to go to the ball. Countdown to the blow up. I wonder if it will come before the ball, or even then. How wonderful to have such a reliable card trick.
and just the other day I was happy because he was safe and comfortable. or he's still and a**hole. whatever.
The other call I got was that Tourette's grandmother died. She doesn't want to talk about it... which never happens. So I will try to spend this evening sitting next to her. and being whatever she needs.
Cingular Sucks.
My phone alarm went off at 5:30 this morning. It looked early and dark so I stayed in bed. When the sun came up I looked at my phone again...7. Sh*t. I showered and tried to calm my hair down. Grabbed my stuff and ran out the door.
I got to work and had a stupid email from my boss about leaving at 522 instead of 530 yesterday. ummmm yeah... I'm not going to be here much longer. So my phone says that I got here about 835, and I have to leave at 9 to be at St. Joe's by 915... so I used the time to pull the last little stuff together for my class.
I bump into boss and tell her I responded to her email. I tell her technically I am not here... She looks at the clock and says "But it's 8 o'clock, I thought you were leaving at 9".
Apparently Cingular is the only cell phone company that saw fit to jump the gun, so to speak. So what magical productive task will I do with the hour I have gifted myself with? Breakfast. Peace out.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Don't expect me to lie for you.
and if you don't tell me, don't expect me to know that I am supposed to be covering for you. But back to the title line, don't expect that I would lie for you, considering I don't even lie for me. Why? Because if you are depending on my lie to save your butt... we are all going to jail. Even if we haven't done anything to warrant jail, that is where we are going. and we will be sitting next to each other with you mad at me. But I told you. I don't lie well, and I certainly can't lie for other people.
So had work yesterday. Then gym. Then sick in the parking lot because my tummy is still messed up. Bunny bought me a Sprite and sat with me until I stopped gagging. I guess I pushed too hard and I'm already stressed. Maybe I ate too late? The Race for the Cure is Sat so no gym today, maybe running tomorrow. But I still feel kind of ick.
I get home, bop around, eat, read, and talked to Bunny. I get a beep on my phone (# I don't recognize) and click over. It is the husband of my friend. We are cool. I usually have his # in my phone for emergencies but I haven't talked to him since I've had this phone. I get off the phone w/Bunny and click back... and he says... "Can I speak to my wife please?" and I said something like "Not unless she is in my pocket and I just didn't know. She's not with me, I'm at home."
Guess what? That was not what he was expecting to hear. Oops. He says, "K. I'll call her on her cell"
Now I am cursing under my breath because I have to try to get to her 1st.
I call, it goes to voice mail. I text- nothing. I figure he got her, and I go to shower and think I'll call her later.
I call about 10-ish. She answers. I say "What are you doing?" She says "Why? Where are you?" I say "I'm at home, where are you?" she says "You promise you are at home?" Yep. I have no reason to lie. She does.
We go around in circles for a minute. I say "Your husband called me an hour ago". Now she gets to curse under her breath. She says she was sure he would never actually call me and her phone was on silent, and she promised she was on her way home. She can tell me anything. She gave me a cock and bull story about getting a drink by herself. Today I text her that we are going to talk about this. seriously and very soon.
She used me as the lie to say I worked late and she met me downtown. It is not uncommon, my friends make concessions for my super-woman complex all the time. But downtown in my city is small and it is hard to be anonymous on streets that I know well. She does not know that I know she met someone out recently that was not her husband. and not her friend. Even in her dad's truck. I know that truck, it has moved all kinds of stuff for me. Plus I know those bartenders, and they talk. a lot. and today I am sad for my friend. but more so for her husband.
So had work yesterday. Then gym. Then sick in the parking lot because my tummy is still messed up. Bunny bought me a Sprite and sat with me until I stopped gagging. I guess I pushed too hard and I'm already stressed. Maybe I ate too late? The Race for the Cure is Sat so no gym today, maybe running tomorrow. But I still feel kind of ick.
I get home, bop around, eat, read, and talked to Bunny. I get a beep on my phone (# I don't recognize) and click over. It is the husband of my friend. We are cool. I usually have his # in my phone for emergencies but I haven't talked to him since I've had this phone. I get off the phone w/Bunny and click back... and he says... "Can I speak to my wife please?" and I said something like "Not unless she is in my pocket and I just didn't know. She's not with me, I'm at home."
Guess what? That was not what he was expecting to hear. Oops. He says, "K. I'll call her on her cell"
Now I am cursing under my breath because I have to try to get to her 1st.
I call, it goes to voice mail. I text- nothing. I figure he got her, and I go to shower and think I'll call her later.
I call about 10-ish. She answers. I say "What are you doing?" She says "Why? Where are you?" I say "I'm at home, where are you?" she says "You promise you are at home?" Yep. I have no reason to lie. She does.
We go around in circles for a minute. I say "Your husband called me an hour ago". Now she gets to curse under her breath. She says she was sure he would never actually call me and her phone was on silent, and she promised she was on her way home. She can tell me anything. She gave me a cock and bull story about getting a drink by herself. Today I text her that we are going to talk about this. seriously and very soon.
She used me as the lie to say I worked late and she met me downtown. It is not uncommon, my friends make concessions for my super-woman complex all the time. But downtown in my city is small and it is hard to be anonymous on streets that I know well. She does not know that I know she met someone out recently that was not her husband. and not her friend. Even in her dad's truck. I know that truck, it has moved all kinds of stuff for me. Plus I know those bartenders, and they talk. a lot. and today I am sad for my friend. but more so for her husband.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
"It's My Party"
and I guess I'll cry if I want to. (repeat)
Premise: 2 pieces of candy
Once upon a time I taught dance at a community center. My class was like 5-7 years old. When it rained all of the other 'classes' like soccer etc. played in the gym. So my girls did too. One day another coach showed me the greatest thing. She says "say hi to each one of your kids. Hug them and give them a piece of candy but be sneaky about it and tell them not to tell anyone" . "When you get them all together, give everybody a piece of candy. Now they all have 2 pieces and they all think they are the only one with 2."
This is cool, because you have never seen a bunch of little kids so happy with themselves. Even though you tell them not to tell anyone, it is only a matter of time before someone spills it and says they got 2. Now everyone says they have 2. and each little kid is still sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you only meant for them to have the 2.
It is sufficient metaphor for what you get with most social beings. Think about it, it also exemplary of what you give. Need a real life example? Pseudo-Daydream is nice. He is nice to everyone. He is sweet to me and he does tailor certain workouts to what I need or what I'm working... but he was my specific trainer. and there are aspects of things he does for other people. Him catering to me is also very vocal. He tells people that he trains the dancer. So what would be my 2 pieces from him gets him street cred... get it? In a way it is all about working the angles.
Last night I was to meet JB for a function at the Wine Loft. A guy we know is opening 5 in the Houston area and he initially asked her to GM it. She has my Precious Precious Sunshine who is barely 1 1/2 years old (my god-daughter) so she said no. She wanted to be more of a mom and wife. She works to be sure, but didn't want to spend most nights in a bar. But we still had to go to the reception for the formal announcement. I also had the news about the LSAT and needed to talk to her because she is the other half of myself. So we were gonna sneak out later. Dream Killer had seen K-dawg (JB's husband) earlier and called the house to say hi. K-Dawg was staying home so Dream Killer got sent to chaperon... and pay for dinner.
The Loft was chill. Open bar for us (does it get any better? plus this is my favorite bar) and special private reserve bottles of my favorite wine. I was happy. DK played nice nice and JB mingled flawlessly as she does. Everyone is having a good time and then JB grabs my arm and says "I'm going to start my goodbyes. maybe 20 min and then we have to get out of here". I don't question it. She says she needs to go, we go. There is no discussion and I don't care why. I do it sometimes too. DK got told and he pouted.
We get to his car (he has the newest jeep- he's driving) and she says "I just had to leave. I met the guy who is going to GM and he is going on and on about it and it took everything in me not to scream THAT WAS GOING TO BE MY JOB AND YOU WERE 2ND CHOICE". ohhhh.
So dinner was at one of my favorite restaurants. I got veal w/crabmeat (this is LA, there is no reason to ever have crappy food) DK got duck and JB got stuffed soft shell crab. Wanna know what my to-go box has in it? Veal, duck, and soft shell crab. My tummy was still upset and I lost my dinner, so my friends gave me theirs with the hope that today will be a better day. We all called it a night.
Today I get the texts from DK. "Thank you so much, I had a great time" but what puzzled me was "I think I needed it way more than you". I say "How? you got to pay the ck?" he says, "But I had a date with 2 of the hottest girls imaginable, every guy was so jealous...every girl for that matter, and that felt good". nice.
So was it my "feel better" dinner, JB's reception for "not my job" or DK's "I need to feel attractive" night out? Does it matter? Let's just say we all had 2 pieces, and we were pretty happy about it.
In other news he keeps telling me that David's Bunny is crazy. Like really nuts. I say "No way" he says "maybe you just haven't crossed her yet". I still say 1) he may just be insecure about her being my friend as he usually is or 2) it comes from David the Magnificent Weirdo and really how reliable is he? I see so much good in her, what is wrong with these guys?
Premise: 2 pieces of candy
Once upon a time I taught dance at a community center. My class was like 5-7 years old. When it rained all of the other 'classes' like soccer etc. played in the gym. So my girls did too. One day another coach showed me the greatest thing. She says "say hi to each one of your kids. Hug them and give them a piece of candy but be sneaky about it and tell them not to tell anyone" . "When you get them all together, give everybody a piece of candy. Now they all have 2 pieces and they all think they are the only one with 2."
This is cool, because you have never seen a bunch of little kids so happy with themselves. Even though you tell them not to tell anyone, it is only a matter of time before someone spills it and says they got 2. Now everyone says they have 2. and each little kid is still sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you only meant for them to have the 2.
It is sufficient metaphor for what you get with most social beings. Think about it, it also exemplary of what you give. Need a real life example? Pseudo-Daydream is nice. He is nice to everyone. He is sweet to me and he does tailor certain workouts to what I need or what I'm working... but he was my specific trainer. and there are aspects of things he does for other people. Him catering to me is also very vocal. He tells people that he trains the dancer. So what would be my 2 pieces from him gets him street cred... get it? In a way it is all about working the angles.
Last night I was to meet JB for a function at the Wine Loft. A guy we know is opening 5 in the Houston area and he initially asked her to GM it. She has my Precious Precious Sunshine who is barely 1 1/2 years old (my god-daughter) so she said no. She wanted to be more of a mom and wife. She works to be sure, but didn't want to spend most nights in a bar. But we still had to go to the reception for the formal announcement. I also had the news about the LSAT and needed to talk to her because she is the other half of myself. So we were gonna sneak out later. Dream Killer had seen K-dawg (JB's husband) earlier and called the house to say hi. K-Dawg was staying home so Dream Killer got sent to chaperon... and pay for dinner.
The Loft was chill. Open bar for us (does it get any better? plus this is my favorite bar) and special private reserve bottles of my favorite wine. I was happy. DK played nice nice and JB mingled flawlessly as she does. Everyone is having a good time and then JB grabs my arm and says "I'm going to start my goodbyes. maybe 20 min and then we have to get out of here". I don't question it. She says she needs to go, we go. There is no discussion and I don't care why. I do it sometimes too. DK got told and he pouted.
We get to his car (he has the newest jeep- he's driving) and she says "I just had to leave. I met the guy who is going to GM and he is going on and on about it and it took everything in me not to scream THAT WAS GOING TO BE MY JOB AND YOU WERE 2ND CHOICE". ohhhh.
So dinner was at one of my favorite restaurants. I got veal w/crabmeat (this is LA, there is no reason to ever have crappy food) DK got duck and JB got stuffed soft shell crab. Wanna know what my to-go box has in it? Veal, duck, and soft shell crab. My tummy was still upset and I lost my dinner, so my friends gave me theirs with the hope that today will be a better day. We all called it a night.
Today I get the texts from DK. "Thank you so much, I had a great time" but what puzzled me was "I think I needed it way more than you". I say "How? you got to pay the ck?" he says, "But I had a date with 2 of the hottest girls imaginable, every guy was so jealous...every girl for that matter, and that felt good". nice.
So was it my "feel better" dinner, JB's reception for "not my job" or DK's "I need to feel attractive" night out? Does it matter? Let's just say we all had 2 pieces, and we were pretty happy about it.
In other news he keeps telling me that David's Bunny is crazy. Like really nuts. I say "No way" he says "maybe you just haven't crossed her yet". I still say 1) he may just be insecure about her being my friend as he usually is or 2) it comes from David the Magnificent Weirdo and really how reliable is he? I see so much good in her, what is wrong with these guys?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Let's play Captain Obvious.
In the vein of the intro-spective, figure it out by reading all of the books about myself, my zodiac, my chinese zodiac, the artists you like and don't like, colors that respond to and keep around you... Kit-Kat who is a text book lesbian- with all of the K.D. Lang, Mary Chapen Carpenter, and Indigo Girls that implies... off we go.
You guys know all of this stuff. It is a measure of the obvious because it creates a point of reference to create a new point. I think. It works better when Kit Kat does it.
1. I didn't get the job in Phoenix
2. I didn't get the job in OH
3. I didn't get the guy (but I didn't figure out if I really wanted him either)
4. I did worse on a test
5. I had a great interview but got offers I literally can't afford to take
6. I had to clear my team.
7. I didn't get the school for JA that would really make me feel like I was making the difference in the life of a child
8. I checked (think hockey) a kid at the skating rink. not on purpose. I used to be great on skates.
9. I drank too much on a semi-date. I thought I was past that. While I didn't totally embarrass myself, I may have had a harsh conversation and been a bit of a bastard (pronounced baaaaaaaastard. see how the end was quick?)
10. everyday I find a new thing I hate about my job.
11. I still am hesitant about open windows. If I am in the house by myself, the windows/blinds/drapes have to be pulled. HAVE TO.
12. If I am home alone I have the TV on or music playing. I have trouble falling asleep. I hear every creak.
13. When I am overly nervous I still bite my nails. That's gross
14. I try not to judge/talk about people. But I am secretly smug that the girl that is in love with Bama who is 19 and works at the front desk is excessively nice to me because young un told her something. Yesterday she tells me I have perfect skin, last week I was stylish, before that she made small talk about yoga. She is adorable but transparent and trailer park trash. I am nice to her because she is superficially nice to me... but in the back of my mind I want to tell her "I am not the reason he does not want you, you are." but I don't. She does not know she doesn't need to kiss my butt, and I'm not going to tell her.
15. When stuff is too much, too frustrating, or I am too down on myself. I do not want to talk about it. I want to crawl in someone's lap and hide in their arms. I feel like this is childish. I will be a grown up and hash it out in a second, but for a second I need you to shut up and hold me.
16. That person is usually Dream Killer. He is good for that. Even if he is mad at me, or I at him. Which happens quite often.
17. I am afraid of getting fat. but even I will admit that my sense of myself is a little skewed.
K so that looks like enough. on the point. All of those are things that I see as incredibly negative. Some are bits of rejection (that I take such issue with) and they are ways that I am lacking. They are all of the most recent most awful stuff I could tell you about me. Ready for the best part? 1) I have rebuttals for all of them and 2) to me they are the worst... but I am still standing and magically none of those made me spontaneously combust.
Here is the rebuttal. Don't read it if you don't wanna. but today I need to see the progression in my steps. However, the next person that says "God has a plan for you and these things happen for a reason" will get the EDS.
1. Phoenix, but I was "overqualified" and then they had 2 serial killers... and Bunkles emails me the stories every day... and says "please don't move to where you will get shot, what will I do w/out you?"
2. It turned out to be a power struggle between 2 beings bigger than me. I am fine with that, and truly it was not where I was meant to be.
3. It wasn't a rejection. I did the same thing, I just didn't tell him. and he's still trying, granted it has nothing to do w/me per se... but stil :P
4. the "Faith of a Few" says it's not the end of the world. Most schools still take the best score.
5. I was deemed impressive, and his clerk is still being made to look, plus I have another interview coming up.
6. It is time. The team is made up of maybes, and as soon as you know it is a "no", you let them go. and there is anot a strong possibility in the whole lot.
7. I have a great group of girls. They are engaged and understand things that I still have to explain to the grown a** f*ck heads I work with.
8. I am great on skates. I really am. But lots of people around me makes me nervous. and plus kids usually love me, which makes me a skating liability... really it's their fault for hanging on to me.
9. ok, so I wasn't TRASHED, and I just know that I have to watch that a little better. At least it wasn't like a work function or something. and he was a gentleman about it. even after. even if that is what made me not an option. at least it was not a great big bad thing. just slightly embarrassing.
10. but I have interviews so this is only for now.
11. but I can look people in the eyes now. sometimes. most times. and it is not so glaringly obvious that I am not comfortable in my own skin.
12. at least I have a home.
13. yeah, I can't make that one better. it's a lot less than it used to be. but every once in a while...
14. ha ha. c'mon that is slightly funny. Like I said, she is adorable, minus oily stringy hair. and all I know is what he told me. So maybe she does have a chance, and maybe they will hop off into the sunset like happy bunnies. really?
15. This is only bad because I think it is not a mature way of dealing with things. Lucky for me, my friends don't care. and they still scoop me up.
16. Ditto for the dream killer.
17. I say this and I am down 2 sizes in pants. I can fit that stupid vera wang bridesmaid dress. and I didn't do it for stupid Kara.
Bond Girl. out.
You guys know all of this stuff. It is a measure of the obvious because it creates a point of reference to create a new point. I think. It works better when Kit Kat does it.
1. I didn't get the job in Phoenix
2. I didn't get the job in OH
3. I didn't get the guy (but I didn't figure out if I really wanted him either)
4. I did worse on a test
5. I had a great interview but got offers I literally can't afford to take
6. I had to clear my team.
7. I didn't get the school for JA that would really make me feel like I was making the difference in the life of a child
8. I checked (think hockey) a kid at the skating rink. not on purpose. I used to be great on skates.
9. I drank too much on a semi-date. I thought I was past that. While I didn't totally embarrass myself, I may have had a harsh conversation and been a bit of a bastard (pronounced baaaaaaaastard. see how the end was quick?)
10. everyday I find a new thing I hate about my job.
11. I still am hesitant about open windows. If I am in the house by myself, the windows/blinds/drapes have to be pulled. HAVE TO.
12. If I am home alone I have the TV on or music playing. I have trouble falling asleep. I hear every creak.
13. When I am overly nervous I still bite my nails. That's gross
14. I try not to judge/talk about people. But I am secretly smug that the girl that is in love with Bama who is 19 and works at the front desk is excessively nice to me because young un told her something. Yesterday she tells me I have perfect skin, last week I was stylish, before that she made small talk about yoga. She is adorable but transparent and trailer park trash. I am nice to her because she is superficially nice to me... but in the back of my mind I want to tell her "I am not the reason he does not want you, you are." but I don't. She does not know she doesn't need to kiss my butt, and I'm not going to tell her.
15. When stuff is too much, too frustrating, or I am too down on myself. I do not want to talk about it. I want to crawl in someone's lap and hide in their arms. I feel like this is childish. I will be a grown up and hash it out in a second, but for a second I need you to shut up and hold me.
16. That person is usually Dream Killer. He is good for that. Even if he is mad at me, or I at him. Which happens quite often.
17. I am afraid of getting fat. but even I will admit that my sense of myself is a little skewed.
K so that looks like enough. on the point. All of those are things that I see as incredibly negative. Some are bits of rejection (that I take such issue with) and they are ways that I am lacking. They are all of the most recent most awful stuff I could tell you about me. Ready for the best part? 1) I have rebuttals for all of them and 2) to me they are the worst... but I am still standing and magically none of those made me spontaneously combust.
Here is the rebuttal. Don't read it if you don't wanna. but today I need to see the progression in my steps. However, the next person that says "God has a plan for you and these things happen for a reason" will get the EDS.
1. Phoenix, but I was "overqualified" and then they had 2 serial killers... and Bunkles emails me the stories every day... and says "please don't move to where you will get shot, what will I do w/out you?"
2. It turned out to be a power struggle between 2 beings bigger than me. I am fine with that, and truly it was not where I was meant to be.
3. It wasn't a rejection. I did the same thing, I just didn't tell him. and he's still trying, granted it has nothing to do w/me per se... but stil :P
4. the "Faith of a Few" says it's not the end of the world. Most schools still take the best score.
5. I was deemed impressive, and his clerk is still being made to look, plus I have another interview coming up.
6. It is time. The team is made up of maybes, and as soon as you know it is a "no", you let them go. and there is anot a strong possibility in the whole lot.
7. I have a great group of girls. They are engaged and understand things that I still have to explain to the grown a** f*ck heads I work with.
8. I am great on skates. I really am. But lots of people around me makes me nervous. and plus kids usually love me, which makes me a skating liability... really it's their fault for hanging on to me.
9. ok, so I wasn't TRASHED, and I just know that I have to watch that a little better. At least it wasn't like a work function or something. and he was a gentleman about it. even after. even if that is what made me not an option. at least it was not a great big bad thing. just slightly embarrassing.
10. but I have interviews so this is only for now.
11. but I can look people in the eyes now. sometimes. most times. and it is not so glaringly obvious that I am not comfortable in my own skin.
12. at least I have a home.
13. yeah, I can't make that one better. it's a lot less than it used to be. but every once in a while...
14. ha ha. c'mon that is slightly funny. Like I said, she is adorable, minus oily stringy hair. and all I know is what he told me. So maybe she does have a chance, and maybe they will hop off into the sunset like happy bunnies. really?
15. This is only bad because I think it is not a mature way of dealing with things. Lucky for me, my friends don't care. and they still scoop me up.
16. Ditto for the dream killer.
17. I say this and I am down 2 sizes in pants. I can fit that stupid vera wang bridesmaid dress. and I didn't do it for stupid Kara.
Bond Girl. out.
The Faith of a Few.
LSAT score sucked. You saw it, you know it.
What sucked worse in my mind was literally hearing the door to NorthWestern slam shut. I wanted to cry. I did not cry. I forced myself to come to work because it was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. and then it got worse. I texted to check in w/Bianca's sidekick and see how she did. She rose 6 pts (which was good) but from a much worse score to where she would not even get in to my safety school.
Bianca calls me and I get closer to crying. She says "This is not failure. You did not fail, you have to re-evaluate how much you really want this. If you want law school you need to make some quick decisions and mrore realistic ones." and they both show up to tell me that they are proud of me. I am blessed to have the people in my life that I do.
On to the check-in call from Shy and I have to suck it up and tell him. I further tell him "I'm done." and he says "No, you are not. I will throw you back in the ring if I have to. Southern is NOT Northwestern and La. is not Chicago." I attempt a rebuttal and he says "Whatever it costs, I will pay it. You are not giving up and you are not staying here with these stupid f*cks. No one said it would be easy. You want better, You work for it. You do it by yourself and I'll see you in 6 months if thats what it takes but get it done".
I ate a cereal bar and a few bites of pasta yesterday. I was so sure I would be sick. Today my stomach is still knotted up. How can I do this again? With the changes to the test and no timer... I am sick with anxiety and anti-anticipation. This friggen test was my whole life. And I don't want to do another class. But it was most effective.
So one more? and I laugh as I hear my heat psyching me up... and I am a Bond-girl and warrior to boot... but G-Damn. One more?
What sucked worse in my mind was literally hearing the door to NorthWestern slam shut. I wanted to cry. I did not cry. I forced myself to come to work because it was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. and then it got worse. I texted to check in w/Bianca's sidekick and see how she did. She rose 6 pts (which was good) but from a much worse score to where she would not even get in to my safety school.
Bianca calls me and I get closer to crying. She says "This is not failure. You did not fail, you have to re-evaluate how much you really want this. If you want law school you need to make some quick decisions and mrore realistic ones." and they both show up to tell me that they are proud of me. I am blessed to have the people in my life that I do.
On to the check-in call from Shy and I have to suck it up and tell him. I further tell him "I'm done." and he says "No, you are not. I will throw you back in the ring if I have to. Southern is NOT Northwestern and La. is not Chicago." I attempt a rebuttal and he says "Whatever it costs, I will pay it. You are not giving up and you are not staying here with these stupid f*cks. No one said it would be easy. You want better, You work for it. You do it by yourself and I'll see you in 6 months if thats what it takes but get it done".
I ate a cereal bar and a few bites of pasta yesterday. I was so sure I would be sick. Today my stomach is still knotted up. How can I do this again? With the changes to the test and no timer... I am sick with anxiety and anti-anticipation. This friggen test was my whole life. And I don't want to do another class. But it was most effective.
So one more? and I laugh as I hear my heat psyching me up... and I am a Bond-girl and warrior to boot... but G-Damn. One more?
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Feb LSAT
153. How is that even possible? how? I'm going to be sick. I worked my bum off. I did it again and again... and literally again. How did I drop?
Bloody sh*t, and then there are schools that still combine scores, and what if I don't get into law school anywhere. and I end up working at McDonald's for min wage to pay off student loans... and I have the metallic taste in my mouth that means my ulcer is going to be bad for at least a couple of days. how. how on friggen earth did it go down?
For now I guess we take a couple of Advil PM and we'll pick up the pieces and re-asses the game plan tomorrow.
Bloody sh*t, and then there are schools that still combine scores, and what if I don't get into law school anywhere. and I end up working at McDonald's for min wage to pay off student loans... and I have the metallic taste in my mouth that means my ulcer is going to be bad for at least a couple of days. how. how on friggen earth did it go down?
For now I guess we take a couple of Advil PM and we'll pick up the pieces and re-asses the game plan tomorrow.
Wanna know why the nice guy doesn't get the girl?
Disclaimer: this is one girl's opinion based upon her experiences, her own goofy opinion, and possibly a cosmo soaked conversation with girlies as clueless as she is... ALLEGEDLY!
The following is the entry I made in my journal this morning... it later led me to pushing Lemon off of my roller-coaster for real. oh and Dream Killer is momentarily forgiven. Onward.
...because from a girl's (arguably woman's) point of view... the nice guy who is madly in love with her is a bit like the 'perfect world matrix'. Think the matrix trilogy in which the machines point out that humans knew there was something wrong with a perfect world and apparently we needed all the pain, misfortune, and wretched f*cked-up-ed-ness (is that a word?) to believe our surroundings to be real. Well much like that, when something is fantastically great, we (I) figure something is wrong with it. And it is humbling to realize that it is us (me). We (again I... c'mon do I really need to keep translating for you?) are forced to take a good look at ourselves and hate to find ourselves severely lacking. We do not want to stay next to said perfect person because it makes us feel like poison, like we will hurt them and have to pay for it forever. Like I am.
Left with the knowledge that the rare, precious, devoted and seemingly unattainable love is possible... and then you see the sh*t given from lesser beings as just that. SH*T. But seeing perfection again is also not easy. You realize that you (I) still don't know what to do with it, and you are more careful to only put express the possibility for a future for something you 110% believe in. And it doesn't make you feel like any less of a sh*t to tell someone that they are not it. Which is what I've recently learned. and I get it. That is the favor.
As you can see, this weekend did not so much get better. But progress was made. I bought a pair of pants for work today. They fit, it is exciting. Skating on Friday night was interesting, I fell 3 times and only took people down with me 2 of those times. Much like his M.O. Dream killer skated for about 30 min and proceeded to limp for the next hour. He didn't make it to Chilli's, but all in all it was a super fun night.
Today we are talking and catching up... he was dating his rebound again, and dumped her again. He says the mark of someone you should be in a relationship with is whether or not you want to see them after a stupid argument. He did not want to see her. I still say he is not done with her yet. She will show her bum a few more times. It happens.
We talk about mine- this weekend, last weekend, except for me running into his friend, and he says "Princess, you have such a sense of entitlement that makes it hard to date you. You are wonderful, beautiful, and a dime to be sure... but the guy you are trying to date might be all of those things too. You might have to do a little bit of the work. Your expectations are a lot to live up to, and you are always looking for someone to mess up." I wanted to smack him. Mostly because I know he is right. and I am spoiled... and I started to tell him that the one right before him didn't mess up, and he did get everything right, which again, makes me think it is possible, but he has said before "He got it right because you let him". and it is frustrating to want to be a better person and work so hard at it, to find yourself in a position to still be deemed lacking.
He once called me high-maintenance and I shot back that it was because he was so lacking as a boyfriend that it was my way of making sure I did not end up with another just like him. and he apologized. and apologized for pulling the letter, and being a jerk, and everything I've ever been upset with him for. and I didn't feel so bad about last weekend, or this one. because that means I didn't get everything wrong. right?
The following is the entry I made in my journal this morning... it later led me to pushing Lemon off of my roller-coaster for real. oh and Dream Killer is momentarily forgiven. Onward.
...because from a girl's (arguably woman's) point of view... the nice guy who is madly in love with her is a bit like the 'perfect world matrix'. Think the matrix trilogy in which the machines point out that humans knew there was something wrong with a perfect world and apparently we needed all the pain, misfortune, and wretched f*cked-up-ed-ness (is that a word?) to believe our surroundings to be real. Well much like that, when something is fantastically great, we (I) figure something is wrong with it. And it is humbling to realize that it is us (me). We (again I... c'mon do I really need to keep translating for you?) are forced to take a good look at ourselves and hate to find ourselves severely lacking. We do not want to stay next to said perfect person because it makes us feel like poison, like we will hurt them and have to pay for it forever. Like I am.
Left with the knowledge that the rare, precious, devoted and seemingly unattainable love is possible... and then you see the sh*t given from lesser beings as just that. SH*T. But seeing perfection again is also not easy. You realize that you (I) still don't know what to do with it, and you are more careful to only put express the possibility for a future for something you 110% believe in. And it doesn't make you feel like any less of a sh*t to tell someone that they are not it. Which is what I've recently learned. and I get it. That is the favor.
As you can see, this weekend did not so much get better. But progress was made. I bought a pair of pants for work today. They fit, it is exciting. Skating on Friday night was interesting, I fell 3 times and only took people down with me 2 of those times. Much like his M.O. Dream killer skated for about 30 min and proceeded to limp for the next hour. He didn't make it to Chilli's, but all in all it was a super fun night.
Today we are talking and catching up... he was dating his rebound again, and dumped her again. He says the mark of someone you should be in a relationship with is whether or not you want to see them after a stupid argument. He did not want to see her. I still say he is not done with her yet. She will show her bum a few more times. It happens.
We talk about mine- this weekend, last weekend, except for me running into his friend, and he says "Princess, you have such a sense of entitlement that makes it hard to date you. You are wonderful, beautiful, and a dime to be sure... but the guy you are trying to date might be all of those things too. You might have to do a little bit of the work. Your expectations are a lot to live up to, and you are always looking for someone to mess up." I wanted to smack him. Mostly because I know he is right. and I am spoiled... and I started to tell him that the one right before him didn't mess up, and he did get everything right, which again, makes me think it is possible, but he has said before "He got it right because you let him". and it is frustrating to want to be a better person and work so hard at it, to find yourself in a position to still be deemed lacking.
He once called me high-maintenance and I shot back that it was because he was so lacking as a boyfriend that it was my way of making sure I did not end up with another just like him. and he apologized. and apologized for pulling the letter, and being a jerk, and everything I've ever been upset with him for. and I didn't feel so bad about last weekend, or this one. because that means I didn't get everything wrong. right?
Friday, March 02, 2007
Happiness is...
...having people in your life that you can be your whole dorky self with. and have them love you just as much, even though they think you are touched in the head.
Sometimes it is daunting to have to start over with whole new people. Which reiterates how great it is to have a few safeties. Case in point, some friends are going skating and I am going to. Dream Killer who asked for the letter of reccomendation as a means of reconciliation is coming too. I didn't think I would look forward to it. But I am. And I meant to still be angry... but I'm not. but I should be. but I'm not.
Me: Promise you are coming? You said you would and now everyone is expecting you.
DK: but not you?
Me: Me too. But I still don't like you
DK: oh, trust me I know you don't.
Me: and it "Christian night at the rink" so that's the music they are playing
DK: OH HELL NO! you really do hate me
Me: Yes, but you already promised you'd come.
DK: go buy your hat, i'll be there.
Later I text him
Me: Promise ur going to come
Dk: I already did
Me: AGAIN!
Dk: U need a chill pill. I PROMISE
Me: K. thanks
and I like that there are people I never have to worry about trying to impress.
Sometimes it is daunting to have to start over with whole new people. Which reiterates how great it is to have a few safeties. Case in point, some friends are going skating and I am going to. Dream Killer who asked for the letter of reccomendation as a means of reconciliation is coming too. I didn't think I would look forward to it. But I am. And I meant to still be angry... but I'm not. but I should be. but I'm not.
Me: Promise you are coming? You said you would and now everyone is expecting you.
DK: but not you?
Me: Me too. But I still don't like you
DK: oh, trust me I know you don't.
Me: and it "Christian night at the rink" so that's the music they are playing
DK: OH HELL NO! you really do hate me
Me: Yes, but you already promised you'd come.
DK: go buy your hat, i'll be there.
Later I text him
Me: Promise ur going to come
Dk: I already did
Me: AGAIN!
Dk: U need a chill pill. I PROMISE
Me: K. thanks
and I like that there are people I never have to worry about trying to impress.
Don't Make Me Curse You Out in Front of People. Please.
I don't want to. I know there was a point in time that I was non-confrontational... that is not these days. But lately is seems like the universe is pushing me to snap out on somebody. Not a specific somebody, just in general.
I can't even believe I am posting this, but here we go.
I have a new supply of Celebrex. Mom asked if I needed recently, I said if she had any then yes... it's becoming harder to get and my orthopedist who loves me is retiring... I may have to start paying for anti-inflammatory. That would be inconvenient. I've been on the for as long as I can remember (off an on). So I had the opportunity to get it from an outside source and I told mom to just get it for her, I got some.
My source is a former drug rep. He is married with a whole child. Remember that, it is important. I met him with mentor. They are friends so we are cool. We run into each other at functions and restaurants. He calls and says he has, and asks if I want... of course. So we meet for coffee about 7. We talk for a min, and he throws the box in the jeep. As he is about to leave, he says to tell him when I am low, and asks if I'm going to be in New Orleans on Saturday. I didn't have plans too, and he says something about a conference and says call him if I go. He tried to hug me.
As I leave he calls me and says something to the effect of "I really miss talking to you. Your presence always calms me. You should come to New Orleans, we go to dinner, maybe see some live music". Ummmmm wow. I thank him for the Celebrex and get off the phone. Later I text him that I do not foresee the need to ever speak to him for the following reasons:
1. He tried to touch me
2. He is very married
3. 1 and 2 translates into extreme disrespect
4. I respect me.
4. I respect me.
Back up to telling Bond about Monday's interview. He says... "I forbid you to work for that Judge. He will try to sleep with you." nice.
On to Shy's assessment of Bama (he does not know it is Bama, he heard about the general situation). He says, "I've always said you are the perfect girl. You are a wife and not a girlfriend. What these f*cks down here don't appreciate is your capacity to forgive. A mother-f*cker shows his a** and you forgive him. Continuously."
No. Not continuously. With all of the blatant narcissism on the back burner, we are going to have to re-evaluate some things. I would rather not embarrass people. and we all make mistakes. but drug rep is squashed, Bama is neutralized, and that Judge doesn't have any openings and I would definitely try not to put myself in a bad position. and yet it seems like the world won't be happy until someone gets smacked.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
WTF?
Seriously I ask you, What is wrong with people today? and yesterday? and in general?
Warning:This post may be a side effect of music overload.
1. Bama is officially an ego-maniac. This has nothing to do with me. and it never has. and I could kick myself for not getting that sooner. On occassion men may do stupid things, but they are not stupid. 3 guest appearance in 3 days. No gym for me today and maybe weights Friday morning...when he is still drooling. He is the aquatics director. I don't acquat. There is no conflict of interest here.
Mr. Perfect is the testament to being pretty for pretty's sake. I'm not trying to trash him, he's just not for me.
2. Sound-byte from this morning. "Why are YOU here? You are not dressed like a full time teacher or a sub? You are too young to be a parent, and to pretty to work here? Well anyway, you look nice, carry on." WTF? Backhanded compliment aside, who says that? Let me tell you about it.
I am teaching for Junior Achievement at a very private Catholic all girls school. It was pitched to me because apparently I am considered an "asset". Apparently the daughters of the most money in my city need to see someone like me (gag). I asked for an inner-city school this year, because asset that I am (gag part II), I would never have had access to a school like this. My mom just didn't have the $. and I would want a little girl like me to be able to see me, and all the possibility it implies. I still got this one. and it took a whole lot not to say something to the nun.
3. Pandora posts a copy of the CD cover when possible to go with the songs playing. Most of them are somebody's big face. pressed against the camera and trying to look sexy. and so much on certain stations is all that. WTF! When did we get to such a point where that was everything all the time. All we aspire to be is objects of entertainment. and so many of the albums out there were crap! Do you really think all of those artists are that thrilled to have that one album be there life's work. Are most of us really willing to sell our souls for 15 friggin minutes?
and then the song that come up is Kaskade's "it's you, it's me".
you never know who's waiting for you
you never know when love is coming your way
but if tonight i look again into your eyes
then it's you, and it's me you love
and I smile on the inside. While it is not here yet, it is coming. It has to be, I rock.
:)
Warning:This post may be a side effect of music overload.
1. Bama is officially an ego-maniac. This has nothing to do with me. and it never has. and I could kick myself for not getting that sooner. On occassion men may do stupid things, but they are not stupid. 3 guest appearance in 3 days. No gym for me today and maybe weights Friday morning...when he is still drooling. He is the aquatics director. I don't acquat. There is no conflict of interest here.
Mr. Perfect is the testament to being pretty for pretty's sake. I'm not trying to trash him, he's just not for me.
2. Sound-byte from this morning. "Why are YOU here? You are not dressed like a full time teacher or a sub? You are too young to be a parent, and to pretty to work here? Well anyway, you look nice, carry on." WTF? Backhanded compliment aside, who says that? Let me tell you about it.
I am teaching for Junior Achievement at a very private Catholic all girls school. It was pitched to me because apparently I am considered an "asset". Apparently the daughters of the most money in my city need to see someone like me (gag). I asked for an inner-city school this year, because asset that I am (gag part II), I would never have had access to a school like this. My mom just didn't have the $. and I would want a little girl like me to be able to see me, and all the possibility it implies. I still got this one. and it took a whole lot not to say something to the nun.
3. Pandora posts a copy of the CD cover when possible to go with the songs playing. Most of them are somebody's big face. pressed against the camera and trying to look sexy. and so much on certain stations is all that. WTF! When did we get to such a point where that was everything all the time. All we aspire to be is objects of entertainment. and so many of the albums out there were crap! Do you really think all of those artists are that thrilled to have that one album be there life's work. Are most of us really willing to sell our souls for 15 friggin minutes?
and then the song that come up is Kaskade's "it's you, it's me".
you never know who's waiting for you
you never know when love is coming your way
but if tonight i look again into your eyes
then it's you, and it's me you love
and I smile on the inside. While it is not here yet, it is coming. It has to be, I rock.
:)
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