I need a bike.

1st tri is May 10th. ish. i need my own bike. i now have no bike. need a road bike. to ride for 12 miles. after 350 meters swim.

right after i am going to fall on face. please pick me up off the road... before the angry geese get me.

The Most Beautiful Book I Never Read.

Punch line: it is Shalimar the Clown by Salman Rushdie

Back story to follow.

how to start... I am an auditory learner. I know this about myself. The best way for me to remember something is to hear it. If I read it, I can give you the gist... if I hear it, I can give it back to you verbatim. about.

Segue: Rushdie is not my favorite writer. I read him. but I don't particularly LIKE him. I get why he is good, I get that it is an expansion of what I think literally possible to wrap my head around his complex fumbling tumbling cliches with the same soul... I question if he can write women. Truly write women. Write in such a way that makes me flip to the back to check for your picture to make sure that you are a man.

Or write a man that I want to breath into life. I say so in the light of Ondaatje's "In the Skin of a Lion"... i forget his name, but the main hero-guy. I want him. I want to be with him. I want the soul shaking earth-moving lover forever and ever... and one that thinks and loves and speaks like him. but he is a character in a book. and Rushdie has never evoked such a thing in me.

Until...

So Shalimar is book on CD. After I bought both Midnight's Children and the Satanic Verses... I said NO MORE! and then I went to the public library to see what was in the book on CD section. It keeps me mind occupied when I have to stay at my desk and do things like answer 11ty billion emails.

I find Shalimar. I hesitate. I figure if it sucks I give it back immediately. Except it is beautiful. and I will seek it in print to see if I like it as much. I want to tell you what it is I like so much... but I'm still processing.

It has a man that I know. It has a women I've struggled with. and yet smacks of his Ice Queen from Satanic verses... and even she walks with me. Her imagery. the seamless integration of mysticism... whoa! no. i reserve that for Gabriel Garcia Marquez. because even I don't know that to be a quantifiable thing. ugh.

and it truly is... the most beautiful book I've never read.

besos.

Wanna see the Tom Cruise freakshow?

http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tr

yeah, it's that good.

What would it take to snatch this thing?

Hear me out!

It is not my fault that this is where my mind immediately goes.

I personally blame the plethora of movies like Ocean 11, 12, and 13 that makes it looks so easy. Ok not easy but really fun. Plus, apparently, Brad Pitt shows up like the prize out of a cereal box.

So I now have a roommate. He is nice enough. I am getting things to redecorate my new space. and Dk get dragged along.

He is pouting as we venture to the 3rd linen store to compare quality of bath towels... when he sits right up and says "You have to got to be freakin kidding me!"

That could be about anything.

What it happened to be about yesterday was the 2008 BCS Championship Waterford Coach's trophy. Apparently it is on tour across the entire city (probably New Orleans too... but definitely not the whole state) to the different venues of its sponsors.

Yesterday was the Verizon store on Seigan. It has it's own police escort and tent. The line of people to see it was amazing. I mean wrapped around the building. at 11 in the morning!

I ask if he needs me to pull over so he can get in line. He says "ummm no" and begins a rant of the sorry saps that have never achieved any athletic prowess... and never will... and this is the closest to any form of greatness that these people will ever touch... and blah blah when he ran track for LSU it had the #1 program in the country and more blah blah...

So as we find where we are going, I think to myself... how hard would it be to nab this thing. Not so much that I want it, I don't. Not so much that I would ever do such a thing, I would not.

But I bet it would be worth a lot to the right individual. Especially since tickets to this thing were going for several thousand dollars. For crap seats!

oh and the other thing I had to tell you was... remember the post that ended with the guy who was asking his son about "Great Expectations"? As I am packing up to leave, he introduces himself (I am confused as to why). He is Dr. Caxton Opere. The link takes you to his amazon page for his book.

Yes he is also a published author.

He tells (not asks) me that I know how to create web pages. (I was also doing stuff for work on my laptop) I blink while waiting for the rest of it. He then tell his son that I will create his website for him for free... in exchange of which he will give me personal coaching on my personal relationships for the next 5 years. I thank him for his generous offer and give some excuse of why I have to leave NOW. He is African. Like from the continent... Indian people have a quaint saying of calling someone "fresh off the boat". That was him. and he was pushy and overbearing.

He asks if I know who he is... I say no. He is still holding on to my hand telling me about his book and how he was divorced and he never will be again and how he can make sure i choose well and am never divorced. Based on his explanation of his work I ask if he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has a "successful marriage and he nor his wife will NEVER file for divorce" he chuckles and affirms. Ok crazy... let's get ready for the summation.

I don't care how much of an expert you are, never say never, bubba. NEVER. plus his delivery made me want to jump out of my skin. But I'm not saying there is not some validity to his book. I haven't looked at it, I don't know. What I do know is if the success of this book is based on this man selling it/being attached to it... to where you see him... it will not do so well.

He reiterates his offer... 5 whole years of being able to call this man on his personal cell phone! So exciting! So generous of an offer! Such a crock of B.S. !

He tries to convince me one more time by telling me his sage advice to some woman who had marital problems. Know what it was? Victoria's Secret. That was it.

I tell him I have his card and I will call him when I've decided to accept his offer.

Translation: He should be getting that call about quarter to never.

My Opinion Matters!

... and gosh-darnit people like me.

hee hee.

Ok, so my newest favorite brain-cell numbing activities are... drum roll please.....

responding to Yahoo Answers and the Big Debate.

Not to say that I have time for it, because I assure you that I came upon this while I was hard at work... or procrastinating about work... which is so close to working, it's scary.

I love these things. and here is why... the Big Debate on msn is great because I listen to a retardo debate about celebrities I don't care about.... and then I give my opinion by voting on some retardo aspect of their lives or careers (Britney is sooo over!).

Because with out my little click msn might cease to be.

Yahoo Answers. So I came about this by google searching something... and apparently someone had asked my exact question at Yahoo Answers (cosmic, I know!)... and people responded. and somewhere else on the page was an open question that caught my attention... and that was all she wrote...

So let me tell you why this is still amusing... These things are about as life changing as day time television. But honestly some of the questions these people are asking of strangers is AWESOME! (yes JD... truly awesome) but more in the dumbfounded... were you dropped on you head when you were little kind of way.

One girl asked why she had no REAL friends. My answer is below because I feel the need to answer stupidity that feels like a brain freeze... why would you ask such a question to a bunch of strangers... no one on this page is in a position to answer that. maybe you should start there...

maybe harsh (I got a thumbs down for that... i may seek therapy) and I respect that I am goofy for both reading and responding... and that this is now a very fun thing to do.

Some one else asked if people purposely offend in their answers... Me? honestly no. I'm giving you my opinion. This is America and Sesame Street says there is no one as unique and wonderful as me.

Ahhh but the argument could be made that such is the same with blogging... we share ourselves and let people comment. I still think it different, at least if you make your way through some of this you have a sense of me... and besides we all know it takes nothing at all for us to have an opinion about something.

So go ahead people, take advantage of the positive reinforcement of how important, necessary and powerful you are. but please don't let this be the only place you feel so.

How 'bout them tigers?

Back to Black.

so the goal is not so much to get back to black but maybe pink. or yellow. or some other fluffy bit of color.

I don't like the direction the blog has taken. and like much else in life right now i am unsure of how to fix it.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to do a state of the union summation. and a bit about where we are going for this year.

as of this minute I am...

1. Homeless
2. not in school
3. not good at sticking to a budget
4. not sure how to date
5. a bit of a social scardy cat
6. not hitting my full potential
7. not able to stick to a better eating plan
8. not sticking to a workout plan for triathalon this year
9. not financially prepared for an emergency
10. not much of a writer at this point

so at the end of this year, all of these things will be changed.

All of them? well, this is what i tell myself. Those are a lot of nots...

I am sitting next to an older gentleman with his young son (?)... he is quizzing him on Great Expectations. The characters... the plot to the point the son is at... He is asking hard questions... I read the book, I loved the book! I could not answer this man's questions at this point.

So the little boy is blowing bubbles into his strawberry frappacino (which has no coffee or caffeine... i believe it is false advertising and defeats the purpose) and trying not to laugh as I make faces at him... when his dad is not looking, of course.

I can not find the focus in my life... so i will look at someone else's.