Not Everyone's Cup of Tea...

So that looks more like coffee... or Chai! For the sake of argument it is Chai. Was supposed to do a Heart Race benefit with Mommiey and Grams instead of Yoga this morning.. thankfully Grams punked out because it looks rainy and she does not trust the roads by the Lakes... she can cancel, but there was no way I was going to :)

So I have a few minutes before I have to leave for yoga.

This morning I am assessing the collateral damage of last night of last night. (not literally... just the kind of stuff we managed to take with us) Not too much... McDonald's bag, Vitamin Water bottle... Tourettes' managed to steal the jacket out of my Jeep that I expressly forbid her to take... and deleted a coupla phone numbers out of my phone.

I know something about myself... I freeze when someone asks for my number... in my head I am playing out what I think the 1st awkward conversation might sound like... retarded, i know.

Unless you are something special, you probably aren't gonna get it.

But I will politely take your number and really save it in my phone...

and delete it the next morning.

Because i know me. I've met me. I'm not going to call. I just wouldn't know what to say.

So the one of the numbers I am deleting is from a 'wing-man'... Oh YES! Last night there was an instance that I got played to the left. It is not so much a blow to the ego as it is kind of funny. At least I think it is... see if you do.

So at bar #1 I casually see cute guy. I think he sees me too. I play with my friends, Tourettes' gets antsy, we leave.

Bar #4, see him again

We sit outside and are amusing ourselves... I think he is cute. I am going to talk to him. I should mention at this point that I wonder how old he is. He looks like he could be young. But he is at a bar where they checked ID ... we all know this means nothing.

So I use this as my intro...

K: Hi. You are cute, how old are you.

Boy: I'm 30, what kind of question is that?

K: I just wanted to make sure.

Boy: you are cute, how old are you?

K: It doesn't matter because I'm cute.

Boy: My name is Bryan (real name because i do not have to protect those i will never see again)... Attorney Byran. What's your name

K: K.

more conversation... his friend makes fun of my Abita Strawberry Lager (as that is the seasonal Abita, in case you didn't know.. but how could you NOT?!)

Boy informs me he is going to "tell on me" to Tourettes who is sitting in the corner talking to people we know... i say "go ahead, she loves me, nothing you say will change that.

Boy: We'll see about that.

so he does. and I talk to his friend. Who is nice enough... but like i said, not my 1st choice. I'm not trawling here!

Boy is taking a while, I go over and try to make amends.Tourettes is annoyed with my Boy... and giving me the "THIS is what you thought was cute?!" look.. this in officially not going well.

I say: I think you misunderstood my intro...

he demurs that he is going to get a drink... and his friend stayed with us the rest of the night. Tourettes is confused and says so "what just happened and why are we stuck with this guy? The other one came over here and said that you said he was too old for you". NO! I was making sure he was not 17!

I have officially been played to the left. ouch! Maybe I will not use that intro ever again.

and yet... it was meant to be funny. but even I am ok with not being every body's cup of tea.

Here is the sad part... while i take his friend's number the friend is trying his best sincere pitch of "I would love to hang out with you, you are smart and funny... even as friends... blah blah"...

and I take the number knowing I will never call. But he does not know that. I hope he knows.

I hope one day I will actually use the numbers.

I just wouldn't know what to say.

Why are Gay Men, Straight Single Women's Most coveted accessory?

Sadly I think I may know the answer to this.

I think I could tell you in one word... I will save it until the end.

the phrase is because gay men have become 'yes' men to single straight women.

why do i say this? read on.

Tourette's got long-distance Austin-type dumped on Monday. The boyfriend is far away and wants her to give up her life as she knows it and marry him... and live in Bum F**K Egypt... because country girls have no life until they get married. Tourettes was presented with an ultimatum and said... "... thank you but no".

No worries. She has me. and I love her.

I love her enough that I do not want to see her hurt... if she is, i will do my part to make it better.

she started drinking at 5 this afternoon. i picked her up about 8, we make it downtown and hit the bars.

we come across Triplet, he has a fraternal twin... he says there is a triplett... it has yet to be confirmed...

Trip as we shall call him is flamingly homosexual. He is. If you know him, you know he is. We took a class together way back when (in early college...) he is the balm to a female's insecurities.

At Tsunami he runs over and GUSHES over how fabulous I look... how he is so jealous because I am the hottest thing there. He scoops me up and twirls me around and everyone is forced to look because he is having a FIT over how wonderful I am.

we were on our way out to another bar. Tourettes says he is not the Will to my Grace.. he is the JACK. I laughed... until we saw him 2 bars later... and she has been cornered by Old-I-have-money-guy-but-i-am-too-cheap-to-buy-you-a-$3-beer...but-please-sleep-with-me-anyway guy... and here comes Trip... to gush about how he knew I would be here because the ugly people were every where else, and if you don't hang out with the beautiful people, what is the point of being in public. I laugh, this is funny to me...

Tourette's decides he will be her new Project Runway guy... i.e. "fierce". they have a bonding moment, he talks her into buy him an $11 cosmo with Grey Goose because it is what I am drinking and more expensive than the beers Tourettes' consumes.

he leaves shortly after downing the drink. Tourettes is heart-broken.

She has never bought a drink for a straight guy... she has never had to.

But she felt kinship with Trip... and went out on a limb... and expected him to be charmed and stay put...

and the word of what such a type person provides... is Validation. it is nice to hear him gush. he does so in such public places... but such a person cannot be so for very long. i would love to say i am the hottest thing ever... and yet, even I know that he does it because it makes people stare... at him. tourettes wanted to sit next to someone who thinks she is hot, and not because they want to sleep with her.

i get it, i am sorry she took this harder than the boy breaking up with her... at least he sought to marry her. trip only wanted a drink.

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this is my vicarious vacation. i am taking the turtle and the white tiger. and leaving the rest of you f******s here.

ok, you can come if you want.

that is about where my hair is... it's growing back, i need a trim... i am rambling and trying to make up for lots of neglect.

Could somebody wash my car, please?

The jeep needs to be washed. badly.

it now has volcanic dust on it. (all the better to lift finger prints with) and will require a pressured spray of water to get it off...

so these kids are having a fund raiser. You've seen these things... kids on the side of the street with signs... buckets to collect money... they wash your car, you give them whatever you have.

i see what i think is this and i am excited... as we have discussed, my jeep needs to be washed. badly.

so i pull over, here come the kids with the bucket. i drop in my coupla bucks... they say thank you, and run away.

wait.

what just happened? my jeep is failing to wash itself, and no one else is doing it?

WTF?

it was not THAT kind of fund raiser. It was more like just begging for funds. mutha f*******! These little punks these days don't know how good they have it! in my day, the dance team did not get to go to competitions unless we raised a certain amount of money... and one of the ways we did it was selling stuff, or providing services for said money! not just taking people's money!

in retrospect the sentence before last might look questionable, but you know what i mean.

ugh.

So back to laptop that was taken... filled out police report yesterday. My boss's boss got in town today and will be here through friday... m will tell him that he has to sign off on buying me a new laptop. not fired yet. we will see how this goes.

also, since the most recent dismissal of DK... i still need that freakin letter of rec for law school from his dad. he is picking it up and getting the privilege of dropping it off tomorrow. sticking to it this time. no him. no more. not good. wow, now if i only had a nickel for every time...

OMG I GOT JACKED!

and in the stupidest way ever!

so I am now sans work laptop... this is gonna be an interesting conversation tomorrow.

so in the course of this week... i have moved back and forth to work and home with laptop. i also have a desktop at work... so i didn't so much miss it when i slept about 4 hours a night.

i thought i left it at home...

at home i thought i left if at work.

this weekend as i start to try to get some work done and i need so post something on the intranet site.... i can't find it. i even went back to work on a freakin holiday.

Roommate pops up with "be careful, lock the doors, make sure your window is closed... 3 people have lost laptops out of their cars in the past couple of weeks".

CRAP.

so i get to enlighten m (boss) and fill out a police report...

i wonder if i will get fired for this. that would be unfortunate.

What the F*** do Kenyans eat?

Today was the Crescent City Classic. A 10K. My first 10K. My time was awful but at least I finished!

By the end my muscles were on fire because I nether trained enough nor stretched enough. I am having sinus issues... and I felt like my chest was going to explode.

I am totally gonna do it again in the Fall!

My time was 1:13:10. Not good but could be worse.

April 19th is the Corporate Cup.

Back to the title line... so the winner... and 1st 12 runners in were from Kenya... and did it in 20 minutes approximatly.

WHAT THE FRICKEN HELL IS THAT?!

I ask you... how is this possible?! Almost 6.4 miles.... in that time.... what were you running from that you have gotten this fast.

I am not a runner. Good-ness... but seeing that score and having the moving camera take your pic is addictive. Stronger, faster, better. I am sure I can do better.

From here we re-commit to the training regimine... also... am doing well with the biking, now i have to take that show on the road... literally.

and now that i CAN swim i have to get back in the pool and ACTUALLY swim.