not heart broken, but i do think i went splat

I resisted the urge to blog for quite some time. For starters I am not sure I have anything to say that anyone would read, and secondly I've met me... I tend to say things with the most words possible. So what brings out the narcissist in me that puts pen to page? Monito.

We met on New Year's Eve, I was hiding from my date, he broke up with his girl friend that night. We were both in a different city, and we were both wearing ties. Mine belonged to the bad date, his was made of silly string. I thought he was adorable. Four and half months later I am pulling the rip cord. Why? He's wonderful, he's far away, he doesn't seem that into me.

We don't talk about feelings. He is logical and practical, I am accustomed to pouring my heart out on paper and sorting it out. I am the more intense one between us. He would walk away at the drop of a dime. I know this, he told me so but in so many words. If you listen to people long enough they will tell you exactly who they are. While he calls this a relationship, he has said that I am not his girlfriend. In the beginning it didn't matter. We were chill, it was cool, we were just hanging out. But now I like him, and he offers nothing else, and there is no way for me to tell him that I need a little more. Like tell me you miss me, tell me you like me, tell me you want to see me... give me something to work with!

In the face of him, literally, he is wonderful. Doting that I could not question his intentions. But far away the drums sound a bit different. And we do not talk about feelings because he does not want to. He shuts down in 2 sentences flat... and I do not like the sound of my voice so much that I would monologue... that's just not fun. So the text message break up (tragic I know) goes like this:

Me: you were right. long distance relationships are hard
Monito: Yes indeed.
Me: so are we done then?
Monito: What's with you?
Me: do you always answer a ? with a ?
Monito: No. just didn't understand

but he didn't call and I didn't either... he didn't ask so i didn't tell, and we'll wrap that in a ribbon and look at it as a positive that I don't have to buy gas to drive 5 hours to see him. wow, what a sad attempt to be positive.