will work for everything...

I am not a work-a-holic. but i understand how one becomes such a beast.

Yesterday I was called such by the roommate. he is bi-polar. he recently told me so. I don't so much think he gets to judge. Had I known before i moved in, i would not have.

Back to me.

I love what I do... I am getting better at it. I take it with me, because it is not so much filling 8 hours at a time, as it is the next project, the next thing, my thing. I enjoy it.

and when things are not going well in a particular aspect of your life, it is easy to focus on what you can control. what you can do well.

The dream killer is going out tonight. and tomorrow. and asked what i had planned for the weekend lest I should have something he is interested in. We are not dating. I don't know what moment of retardation made me think that was a good idea. I do no. It was lots of other stuff not going well.

I am not going out so much. It is expensive and I have both a budget and goals. DK is not cheap. DK is spoiled. He pisses money away like it is cool. Today he defends with "I like what I like." yes. but he can't take care of anything. He will throw a $2000 suit on the couch. where his cats will sleep on it. and then ask me to pick up his dry cleaning when i get mine... leaving out that he hasn't paid for anything. If he does not have, his parents will give it to him. In a 30 year old man, that is disgusting.

I can discuss only as it relates to me. DK wanted a girlfriend. badly. There was a day that he bought me an outfit from Banana Republic because it was so unlike what I wear to work and he thought it looked nice. And has talked about it ever since. because it is the first time he has ever done it for anyone. Nothing he does or has ever done is without recourse. that weekend his dad won a small portion of the lottery and promised each of the kids some money. Dk asked for a check. got it, and asked me to pay for dinner that night.

I have long known that DK has no room in his world for me in that capacity. He is the party guy friend, who it is good to know to get you into clubs, newer bars and great restaurants. but if he didn't sponge off of his parents, we would and has done it for me. he throws words around like 'get engaged in a year' and 'our kids'... and again i cannot breath. he does not have enough substance for me and I work too hard to throw my money into him.

so tonight, tomorrow, and forever and ever... he will drink, and i will read.

He is vain soul sucking selfish and superficial.

and this only further makes me think that if he was for me... him wanting marriage would seem like a good thing. now it just sounds like a liability.

Where did all the words go?

I promised you an update. my company is going to pay for me to go to law school. It is amazing and spectacular... and a mixed blessing.

said concession comes with a few fixed prices:
1. law school has to be here
2. there is a cap set by the IRS that they cannot exceed (there is a way around that... maybe I'll tell you once I've gotten them to get over this)
3. I have to make at least a B in every class
4. I have to go at least 2 semesters a year
5. I still have to work full-time

mother of god.

So this is how we will make this work.
1. law school will be here (for now, with the soft intention of I will transfer if i decide that is better for me and just take mammoth loans)
2. for now we will take the max
3. oh-gosh... i can't breath. nor will i be able to until i know what I am doing. The girl that works in the Starbux downstairs is about to be a 3-L. I am getting all of her books to start reading this sh*t NOW.
4. Duh. the program I am taking is 11 hours a semester but you still finish in 3 years. better than an evening part time program that takes 4 and a half. plus i will go to summer school. i don't need a life for now. i need to not be poor.
5. and ok. if that is what it takes for now... O.K.

The part that has yet to be mentioned... and it is very very pertinent...

There is nothing in the policy, verbal, or written agreement that promises me to your company for any length of time. i.e. if i pay for 1 semester you owe me 2 years. nope.

On it's face, it would seem like that means they could let me go whenever they want. True. but that was always so. as can i leave at any point in time. and should such a thing happen mid semester... we up the loans and find a clerkship. that is the contingency plan. i know better than not having one.

also, you are asking yourself... why would they pay for law school? if so many people are going... and they have a great in house council... they have their pick of people and only hire attys with 4-7 years of experience... in a nut shell, here it is...

a while ago Shy told me I left 20K on the table b/c I did not negotiate my salary b/c I was so ready to leave JPMorgan Chase. I did some research. That is true. The national average for what I do is 23K more than i make. the state average is ALSO more than I make. I know this. they know i know this. i am told i cannot negotiate salary until august. ok.

I bring up law school and got asked for a justification. i have no idea what i wrote but it convinced my boss, her boss and the COO of my company. so it is like giving me a raise without my business line having to pay for it.

M (my boss) is afraid this might give me less to bargain with in august for more money. No. no. I have met me, and I am no longer the person I was. This is how we will fix that.

I work harder. I am taking sh*t home, I am pulling up the email, and will be getting them to give me a black berry to be more available to you. for now. In April I will start my 6 week construction class. it ends in June, i might so the safety bit too.... which will give me an OSHA 10 certification. which i could give a hoot less about, but on a resume it is growth, it is challenging... and it looks like i am interested in whatever my business/industry does.

i will be more of a techie and get my certifications to teach a few more professional offerings... like project management classes... and Microsoft Project.

By the time we get to August, you will have to pay me what I am worth. If not the whole 23K more... pretty freakin close to it. because before we ask for the raise... the resume will go everywhere.... including the engineering firm down the street.

consider this.

I love what I do. I love the boss I have. I work for a division of a company that is limited in resources... which has turned into a blessing.

I get to touch and learn fantastic things. I get to spend time in training on all IT applications that is relatively new, that i would never have come to on my own.

I have gotten rave reviews from my boss and my boss's boss, which happens to be a sr. vp, on each and every one of my projects. i am an asset. he said so.

now for the bad part... I know my work is good. My boss is grooming and developing me and does not treat me like a secretary nor limit my creativity. My boss's boss knows my stuff is great... but in bigger meetings, my boss's great work is credited to her boss... my great work is attributed to her... and me? I don't exist.

oh.

So this was the job until law school which i vehemently wanted to not be here. The job is here. and my lack being able to express personal statement means i have limited my dream schools... to just a dream. Further, the application process gets expensive and I have taken such a cut by taking the fun job.

Recently I tried to date the Dream killer again. it lasted almost a month. and it is STILL not a good idea. no more boyfriend. why? the things that are wrong are still wrong. i have no indication that it will get better.

I have been known to view a job like a boy... the things that are wrong... money, credit. To get more money, I have to be seen more as an asset, i.e. the sr vp must pay me what i am worth. or it fails to be a good fit.

on to law school. so if i stay here, and choose the cheapest school, what would it matter if i did well. any where else and i am mortgaging my soul. what if my company could pay for it?

today we put that ball in motion. If they pay for it, i will be applying for part time law school, if not then it will be full time.

the decision should come quickly.

it has become what will make me stay or leave. because a huge raise before the formal 'evaluation period' just doesn't happen in a huge corp.

rat bastard.

My Roommate has a profile on MATCH.COM

stay calm. this is not weird. a lot of people do this.

That is not the freaky thing... know where I saw it? on a pop up advertisement of... wouldn't you like to meet this single in your area?

No. No I would not. He is usually right downstairs. and I do NOT want a relationship with him. We already have one. of a financial nature.

ewwwwww.

his pics are really him. but some of the stuff like he works out 1/2 times a week... liar.

He is not 5' 8", that would make him at least my height. which he is not. he's more like 5' 6" ish.

he does not read

diet= meat and potatoes... or microwave pizzas.

and he drinks 1/2 a week?! liar. he gets freaking smashed at every "social outing" oh wow.

he does not live alone... he lives with me!

and what he is looking for... whew!

Oh... and the best part, he is paying for this.

But i cannot judge him, i just made up an email address and dummy profile to see what he had out there.

happy dating, be careful, people lie online!

Chinese Hush Money.

So the Chinese new year was this week. The only know this because I found a tiny red envelope in my leather chair on a random morning. with a note but no signature. some of us got them, but not all of us. the dork in me was trying to figure out who they came from by association.

Boy am I glad I did not assume it was from Monica just because her parents own a Chinese buffet restaurant... boy would I have been embarrassed.... it was not from her. and she did not get one. and i got the distinct pleasure of not sounding like a tool as I faked a conversation about something I had no idea about.

nope, this is me. so of COURSE it came from the staffing manager. I have to give you more there...He is from San Diego (He thinks this makes him hip). His father is Phillipino (that makes him small) and his mother is Indian (that makes him weird). His wife is a caucasian insect professor at LSU who runs marathons (so he thinks we have something in common to discuss). He randomly spoke to me in Japanese for several days... because he assumed I am very cultured. (I AM VERY CULTURED! ish.) He does not so much speak to me... as he speaks AT me.

I am goofy. http://www.trymango.com/ i started learning Japanese because I was embarrassed that I had no Japanese in my repetoire. I can have that whole intro conversation. Anatawa?

back to the money. he printed up this little blurb to go with it... Saying this is the year of the Rat (yay RAT) and how in china little kids got a little red envelope with either $2 or $4 as something to ward off evil, etc. (mine has 2... i didn't open mine, but i coerced someone else into open theirs). M (boss) laughed at me as I described it to her before she got in... "What is it?" she asks.

"It is supposed to ward off evil... and we both got one... maybe we are being called evil?" i much rather prefer to refer to it as my Chinese Hush Money.

and i'm not going to open it or spend it.

and you cannot have it either.