will work for everything...

I am not a work-a-holic. but i understand how one becomes such a beast.

Yesterday I was called such by the roommate. he is bi-polar. he recently told me so. I don't so much think he gets to judge. Had I known before i moved in, i would not have.

Back to me.

I love what I do... I am getting better at it. I take it with me, because it is not so much filling 8 hours at a time, as it is the next project, the next thing, my thing. I enjoy it.

and when things are not going well in a particular aspect of your life, it is easy to focus on what you can control. what you can do well.

The dream killer is going out tonight. and tomorrow. and asked what i had planned for the weekend lest I should have something he is interested in. We are not dating. I don't know what moment of retardation made me think that was a good idea. I do no. It was lots of other stuff not going well.

I am not going out so much. It is expensive and I have both a budget and goals. DK is not cheap. DK is spoiled. He pisses money away like it is cool. Today he defends with "I like what I like." yes. but he can't take care of anything. He will throw a $2000 suit on the couch. where his cats will sleep on it. and then ask me to pick up his dry cleaning when i get mine... leaving out that he hasn't paid for anything. If he does not have, his parents will give it to him. In a 30 year old man, that is disgusting.

I can discuss only as it relates to me. DK wanted a girlfriend. badly. There was a day that he bought me an outfit from Banana Republic because it was so unlike what I wear to work and he thought it looked nice. And has talked about it ever since. because it is the first time he has ever done it for anyone. Nothing he does or has ever done is without recourse. that weekend his dad won a small portion of the lottery and promised each of the kids some money. Dk asked for a check. got it, and asked me to pay for dinner that night.

I have long known that DK has no room in his world for me in that capacity. He is the party guy friend, who it is good to know to get you into clubs, newer bars and great restaurants. but if he didn't sponge off of his parents, we would and has done it for me. he throws words around like 'get engaged in a year' and 'our kids'... and again i cannot breath. he does not have enough substance for me and I work too hard to throw my money into him.

so tonight, tomorrow, and forever and ever... he will drink, and i will read.

He is vain soul sucking selfish and superficial.

and this only further makes me think that if he was for me... him wanting marriage would seem like a good thing. now it just sounds like a liability.