The Hand of Something Bigger Than Me.

Despite my situation that wrecked my world for about 3 years, and still makes me look over my shoulder... I have heard the nicest thing about myself. My few friends whom I have curled up next to have marveled at the outlook I still have on people. But sometimes I still think I am getting this wrong.

Vacation with my family ended with me being so angry at my sister I could spit. I am embarrassed and ashamed that she is related to me, and I do not respect her. This is a new state of being. I have the capacity to go from 0-60 in 2.5 flat and struggled to keep my temper in check. But I can say there was only one mini blow out and never in front of the rest of my family nor in public. I hate that I consider this an accomplishment. I kept most of my words and anger in check. But this morning before I left the house, I said my prayers and asked to be helped with not becoming an angry bitter being. To have more patience, find where I am supposed to be, and carry it with the grace of a full grown lady. Turning it over I feel very small... because I am blessed to the point that I am protected... even from myself.

At last night's ball was an older gentleman in a Tux. Not overly special, there were many. But he was a waiter. and I had met him at least a year and a half ago, and he was not so well dressed. He remembered I offered him my breakfast and kissed my cheek that I cleaned up well in a ball gown.

I know the time frame because I still had my townhouse. and I was still getting flat tires. They were many and somehow the last time, Dream Killer or I had put my hydrolic jack in his trunk and not mine. On my way to school at 7 I got yet another flat on a very busy street near my house. I am trying to figure out a manuel jack and willing myself not to cry because I was frustrated that it was so hard.

He pulled up on the shoulder and said Jesus had told him to stop. and I asked if Jesus also told him how to work my jack. He was a bit strange but I was never so happy to see anyone. He changed my tire. I was so grateful but as I don't carry cash I had nothing to give him. I offered him my breakfast which was either a muffin or a bagel and gentleman that he was, he refused. He said he had a wife and a daughter and he would hope someone would help them if they were in my position.

Today I rememer that I have to have faith in people. Because there has never been a day in my life that I did not know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am loved. Neither was there a single instance when I've been stranded on a road, interstate, or anywhere and people did not stop and offer help. Never. and that humbles even me. and I am reminded that I am supposed to be better than the anger. and we get what we give even if it is not from the place we are looking for it. The luck I have says I don't need to gamble.