IHOP

too much chaos... in conjunction with too much minimum wage.

A homeless man bought me a cup of coffee...

I start with this because it is weird. Seems counter intuitive. To qualify, he used a stamp card that was worth a free cup of coffee... but whatever. still weird.

Day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday as it were. This girl was still awake from last night... I had every intention of going to Pep Boys to get my color TomTom for $70 at 5 am. Then I thought to check Best Buy. It is right around the corner from my house. 5 am was doable. Luckily i thought to check the website. Bought that bad boy of a better GPS online. It will take a little while to get here... but at least I didn't get mowed over by the crazy women.

I had a point. I lost it. Free coffee = good.

1st Fat finger, next fat arm... now... fat FACE.

i am now allergic to a certain bug bite. which bug? who knows.

what happens? my face swells up like hitch.

it's not funny.

except that at first i thought it was sinus, maybe allergies. got some benedryl and slept for eight hours. went to moms... she made me a sock compress with rice in it (apparently you microwave this and it holds heat better).

it helped not at all. woke up at 2 this morning took all kinds of sinus medicine and allergy meds. woke up this morning swelling moved from right eye to whole right side of face, across chin... disgusting.

i am quasi modo over here.

went back to pharmacy who urged me to after hours clinic. which was expensive (and I have health insurance!). got steroid shot, it is going down.

not making it to study group tonight. so my study partner (who drives in from N.O. everyday for class and 1 day during weekend to study w/me) decides not to go either. It is terribly sweet.

Everyone has a group to bounce stuff off of, but you each have your 1 person whom you are most honest and most attached too. Mine is Roo. or roo roo. because his fraternity thinks it is cool to bark at people. The 1st time he did this, we were studying under a tree in front of the law center. a girl with posters of her sorority passed by and he ACTUALLY BARKED. I was mortified!

He explains this is what they do. and some women (including this girl) respond well to it. He actually got a phone number for this. it was so bizarre.

So he offers his assistance, asks if i need anything, and will not come into town b/c i do not want to go into public. tomorrow i am working from home. i will make it to class in a michael jackson scarf, so help me.

How about that presidential debate?

c'mon it's funny.

don't watch grey's anatomy while drinking wine.

what if the dream killer was my person. what if, i have no person. what if i have lived my life in such a way that i am going to be alone.

so says the wine.

Il dificil no c'est impossible.

Remember that day that I thought i might be semi intelligent? that i loved what i did professionally and wanted nothing else but law school academically. asked my company to pay for it and thought i could do both. and well.

Everything works in theory.

The reality is that i sleep an average of 4 hours a night. read every free second of my day. record lectures and hide earbuds in my ears in pointless meetings to get so much information into my head. Crim law professor who I am chasing down to tell me what is wrong with my writing FOR HIM is committed to the idea of subtly letting me know that he is the holy grail and i am a nothing.

In fact, he calls me Rep. As in class rep. As in, he has decided that he will not speak to the 65 people in my class... he will speak to me. and i will disseminate to my class. this is the privileged position? no. though he calls everyone else "you".

best part? he knows all of our names.

He says "write my hypos... come to my office... let's talk. if you can't write these things in your sleep the way i want, you will not pass". like every other class in law school, your grade is what you make on the final. yay.

so i leave work at 4 everyday... get to school 430/445. class is at 6. Monday i got the distinct pleasure of sitting outside of his office until 6. on the off chance he would see me. nope.

repeat tuesday. wednesday, same thing. Thursday, same thing.

nice.

because i don't have 4 other classes. and a full time job.

Took a week off of this particular humiliation... this past monday, came back to it. Happened to catch in an elevator. this man is going to talk to me. i will follow you. i will sing outside of your office. YOU WILL TALK TO ME! because this has to work and not doing well is not an option. and my rockstar might have been kicking in.

So he does see me. takes my paper and does not want to talk about it. He wants to talk about Time magazine. where he has written. how important writing is. I am a nerd. I took notes on this. (what?! he FINALLY saw me!) for forty minutes. what took 2 minutes... was him telling me to take out 1 sentence and move some things around. Everything he wants is there... but if i gave it to him like that it would be a C.

nice. i chose this. this seemed like a good idea to me.

Back to the title line. The difficult is not the impossible.

True to form

Mom got power back today. My house? still nothing. Cat is not amused. With the start of law school and Hurricane Gustav, there has been much stress, drama and argh situations.

and true to form... here he comes.

Dream Killer.

Who offers you (or me) everything you need to make it all better. Wow that makes him sound like a drug dealer... I assure you he is not.

I saw him at school as I was about to walk into Legal Research. I made it through my 1st week. I think I might be functionally retarded. That is about how great it was.

Dream Killer floats by to inquire about my start... like we are buddy pals. like you did not take every shot you had left to take. Like you did not seek to make me feel like I could never do anything in life.

I digress.

I scurry away in true awkward fashion. He left a note on my car. (little stalker-ish. I'm just saying. it is) blah blah he was crazy about me... blah blah he acted like a jerk because he does not think... blah blah.

then he leave message (because he is still blocked on my cell... email... and does not have the number to the blackberry) he has books, notes, outlines and supplements that i can have. all right here. just take it. it will make it all better.

I got spooked. I took it. stupid. stupid.... but it is helping...

on to Hurricane. We had trees uprooted, roof damage, no power for a week... thinking it could be weeks until we get it back... here he is: "I know you didn't remember to get cash, I pulled out $50 for you... just to hold you for a min... and i got feet (Doritos Cool Ranch) and skittles for you because i know how much you like them"

fast forward. His awesome amazing dad who wrote one of my letters of rec has cancer. It has been in and out of remission for years. He is in chemo again. He does not look good. In fact he is going to die.

Dream Killer suggests I go by the house. The company I work for has tankers of gas especially for us. I offer this humble gesture to the dad. Because he is a humble greatness. because when he is gone the world will feel a loss. Because he is the reason I do not have a DWI, because because because.

Today he struggles against himself and takes me up on it. Before I get there, power is restored. Dream Killer calls to tell me to still come over... for pizza with the fam.

No.

this is the line.

Every time that the world rages and storms that is his in. That is how he makes temporary amends so we can make it through this situation... and just when you think everything is ok.... BAM! $hit storm! and he is quick to tell me that his family is not mine. and I can just forget that letter from his dad. and my mother never loved me and i have no worth in this world.

no more.

My gesture was small to be sure. but it was for the dad. and not for the killer of my dreams. True to form he followed his M.O.

Contra-mine I am not going back. We are not OK and I will not do this to myself ever again.

Bib #318! This girl is a RocketChick!

My legs were on fire. The 12 miles bike was longer than it should have been... my swim was sloppy and I had to walk (or wobble) the 1st almost mile of the run. i can't wait to do it again.

at the end of the day... I finished 16th in my division... and i beat a hell of a lot of other people, I have to be happy about that. I am an athlete. I am a Tri-Athlete. i am a Rocket chick.

I need water.

"I Can't Believe I Just Did That!"

I can't believe I just read that.

The title is a book that occupied me on the 16 hours in a car to Atlanta, then Athens, then back to Atlanta and finally home.

Btw... Kias are god awful! I hate those things. They make as much sense to me as Saturn cars. Why? for what reason. Also I fully recognize that I am an evil capitalist that believes in the roomy goodness of an SUV.

Back to book and will have to finish post later.

I can see the value in the 1st portion of this as it relates to Career Development for the yuppies. It lends itself to the awesome premise of a presentation I am giving next month in Mass. (and they are flying me up for 1 day to talk for 45 min... I am floored. and biding my time till i rub it in Bambi's face)

My issue comes in that you have to take this and all "self-help" books with a grain of salt. Why? because the author's bias is all over it. He was a woose as a kid and you can tell. He is probably a homo-sexual. i say this not negatively but as a matter of fact... and through his writing you can tell.

The value in this book? deconstructing the power struggle. it is interesting. more later.

I post partially to force myself to update.

UPDATE: i lost my train of thought. i also lost my credit card apparently. Had lunch on Thursday w/JB. Waitress gave me someone else's card. I had no idea. Spent the weekend in ATL... used it all over the place... suddenly it was declined at a gas station... called today b/c for the life of me I could not figure out what was wrong... now all of the charges will be taken care of by VISA. Don't know what to make of all that.

fat finger the sequel: fat arm... the explanation

Circa April... was the HUGE company picnic. Mom came to get sick on cotton candy, popcorn and coke... grams came so i could beat her at basketball... (the pic they sent me of her is precious. for privacy reasons I am not posting. email me... I'll show you how cute she is)...

and i got put on a volley ball team for the tournament. because from weight training and swimming... i have the girl equivalent to guns. (these are so going away! people notice and i am getting self conscious. the definition is not bad... but I'm getting hit on by lesbians... it's kind of scary) thus i look like an athlete. SURELY i know what to do with a volley.

Thing is, i do not.

I have not touched a volley ball since like 6th grade. I did ballet. I did dance team. I didn't have to DO P.E. with the ruffians. ick.

so i got put on a team that has to play against the COO and his kids. Oh there is some good news there. Get ready for the good ol' college try. the boys on my team were SERIOUS about this. I'm not sure why i was there. The ball would come at me an in true girl form... i ran in the opposite direction in my pink shorts while the boys tried to kill the ball. it was madness...

until i tried to hit the ball. and the last 3 fingers on my right hand began to swell. it was so painful. now my pinkie is still deformed. You think i am kidding... i am not.

Mom's sage medical advice? "Honey stick your hand in a cup of ice... and don't be such a woose" yay mom. at least she made the sad face as she said it and brought me juice :)

hence we begot fat finger... on to the sequel...

2 weeks ago running suicide sprints... on a soccer field... with p-day and the real athletes he trains. football, soccer, track... the BOYS. I was working on my run times and intervals... i can use this.

one of the girls passed out from heat exhaustion... and my heat tried to pretend not to notice... her friends helped her up. the paramedics put her in a tent. the workout proceeded. In a case like that... unless you know the person LEAVE THEM ALONE. i'm sure she was just mortified. I know I would be.

How do I know? Because shortly thereafter, I was. (that's what she said).

Next set of sprints. run, turn at cone, run back, turn at further cone, run back, turn at... ok you get the drill.

except on the turn, i turned awkwardly and felt myself going down... i put my right arm behind me to catch myself... and felt my wrist pop.

I don't know what it says about me that i was MORTIFIED and EMBARRASSED because i fell in front of GOD AND EVERYBODY before I realized I was in pain.

I immediately tried to stand up but could not put pressure on my right hand. P-day scooped me up like a 2 year old which only made me hyper ventilate worse. It was so retarded. and I couldn't stop it.

My heat is around me and the boys have the frozen death stare and whisper "please don't cry, please don't cry" and i grit my teeth and say "I DO NOT CRY"

to which P-day is concerned and says "ok, don't cry... please breath because you are scaring me".

for my efforts i had a wrist and arm that were incredibly painful and required ice. i couldn't do anything because i only had one hand and even through ice, celebrex and lots of ibuprofen my hand screamed at the slightest movement.

obviously it is a lot better now. hence i am typing. it is funnier now.. but the whole thing has knocked me back weeks of training.

did i mention my 1st tri is this Saturday (yeah, THERE is some good news) and the whole damn thing has cost me so much money, i have to do it at this point.

i'm not ready, and i hate the way i look. that is vain. or maybe it just looks that way.

worst part? roommate bought me a mountain bike and put his $700 road bike at my disposal. i should probably get familiar with the damn thing, since i'm gonna do 12 miles on it.

rat bastard.

Fat Finger the Sequel: Fat Arm!

before we get to the title line... am watching Mamma Mia!

Very good. better than I thought it would be.

overarching impression: Meryl Streep is OOOOOOLLLLLLLDDDDDDD!!!!!

Pura Vida

Subject: Call from Austin

Times I let it go to V-mail: 3 times in 2 weeks

why I picked up today? He sent me a text... I was curious.

why he called: he is flying back to Costa Rica which is where he lives. and will be moving to Australia.

He wants to give me a perspective of disenchanted young people everywhere else in the world. He wants to keep in touch. He wants to remain friends. He gives me his email and asks me to visit his myspace full of Costa Rica.

I visit MySpace out of curiosity. he is listed as the title line.

He is in a relationship? his myspace says so. he does not bring this up.

He gets off the phone to board a plane. "come visit me wherever i am. come live in australia whenever you are sick of the rat race". I did the visit when he was in Austin... just like Japan he will seamlessly move into "stay here! stay forever!" and i will want to break my neck running away from him.

We are not friends. we used to be. and then i was stupid enough to listen to his professing of his undying love... and he says stupid things like marriage... and he is a flake. he is not the marrying kind.

I want to drown myself in beer. and kick him. want the beer more though.

I want to not be where i am. suddenly the job i love... the impending promotion... the start of law school... looks like nothing.

why? because he spent a month in Italy just because... so this is jealousy? of his life? of his abandonment of rational reason... and the universe just catches him.

I remember that it and he did not work for me. That i do not want to bring him home to the family, do not want to marry him. did not even want to see him very often... so the issue is not so much him... as it is me.

which i know.

ugh. next time i am just not answering. no matter how many times he calls. I'm too old for this $hit.

Being in the Air Force does not obligate me to take you to a strip club.

onward.

Thursday was DJ Sabrozo's birthday. He wants to do dinner at P.F. Changs and drinks somewhere else. I say cool. I have to go. I punk out on too many outings for the sake of work, working out or plain-i just don't want to.

but he continues to call and he always has... so i feel like i have to. OMG! that was the most fun I have had in my city in a long time. Dinner was me, him and 20 newbie clubbing girls. that was awkward. Later, all of the other fun people showed up and the party was moved to Sullivans. Usually a better... calmer more sophisticated bar/restaurant... THAT night try cheesy band, lots o cougars and drunken young professionals.

Many many martinis later...

DJ wants to go to the gold club. Argh. At this point we are down to the fantastic 4. Me, Palestine 4-EVA, Nidal and DJ.

nice.

On to the gold club. i take issue to pay to see something i already have. I've gone w/friends... i get that it is a form of entertainment... and for DJ's b-day i will shut up and go.

it was interesting until a stripper put her tongue down my throat. So, i guess the awesome pop culture reference would be "I kissed a girl and I didn't like it".

Ever awesomely sarcarastic Nidal hands me a lemon drop and says "Here you go kid. Alcohol kills everything, even chlamydia!"

ok, that was funny.

fast forward to the UFC fight last night at Hooters. interesting enough. Christmas's brother in law's friends is on military leave and about to deploy to Iraq for 6 months. yay him.

he is 21. yay him part 2.

he is very vocal about being in the military/air force... it is all he talks about... and wanting to go to a strip club. he has never been. up to this point... still not my problem.

He goes on and on... most of the guys he is hanging with are grossly underaged and very immature. Still not my problem, the grown people are on my side of the table. Then there were a few. and he is trying to find someone to go with him...

on and on about how this will be the only good memory he has to take with him to Iraq. and it is all very sad. he is young. and stupid young. and not cute enough to make up for the dumb $hit that keeps coming out of his mouth.

he begs me to take him. i don't want to. i say i went already for a friend's birthday...

he says "well my birthday was in April... and none of my friends took me! you could feel better that you were helping me have a good birthday."

my response "apparently you need better friends and you are not my friend... in fact we just met, so i don't exactly care whether or not you had or have a good one ever"

ugh.

he worked on me long enough that i took him. bought him a beer... stayed all of 10 minutes for his friend to meet us... and left them both there.

today christmas texts me that this guy was hoping i would go there with him... love it... take him home and *ahem*. is he serious? has he met him... where would this little guy get an idea that something like that would happen without the aid of rupees slipped into my drink. seriously! what are the teaching these young kids in the military.

The shirt is funny... because it was the shirt that he was wearing. and he wonders why he is not getting laid.

0-L.O.V.E. in 2.5 seconds

Lots to post... more to come... all in one day because i have been too busy to write.

on to this one.

Yesterday Jenny-Bear had her 1st test of the season. She is taking 4 classes (12 hours) in summer school and has to make straight A's... so she can get back into her senior college and take the 3 classes she needs to graduate.

why? because she opted for marriage and child instead of finishing the d@mn degree when it would have been 2 classes.

Thus, now she is going back. She has suffiently caught 1st day of school envy from the rest of us and wants a degree. I want her to have one as well.

Back to story... yesterday was her 1st essay test. she called that morning... we were supposed to do the girlie... pedicure... maybe wine maybe cheese... maybe...

by the time we both did hair and makeup she made the executive decision of "I NEED A DRINK! Smelly Mexican!"

I countered with my own executive veto "NO SMELLY MEXICAN"

We met at Friendly off campus grill and bar, ate, drank, became merry. She got $hit faced very quickly... how did this happen?

She mentions she promised the husband a margarita hence we had to stop by Smelly Mexican. It becomes the drunken mission. Seek out the Margarita. We get there, find the bar. find the waitress. find the margarita.

Mission accomplished.

and here comes round 2 before we could stick a straw in round 1.

Sometimes (ok usually) it is nice to be the girl.

Some guys from the bar sent us drinks. it is a lovely gesture and i greatly enjoy it. Let's focus on the pivital word here... GESTURE.

Jenny Bear proceeds to get weepy into margarita. WTF?

She goes off "they only sent drinks because of you. they are hitting on you, and i am officially the unattractive friend." no this is not the case. ladies and gentlemen, this is not the case at all. JB is stunning. has always been, will always be. not just because she is my BFF and i am biased.

So she engages them in conversation to prove it. Oh, there is a good idea.

The guy that bought our drinks own a commercial construction firm and lives down the street from the CEO of my Fortune 500 company. He knows the execs from my business line. We talk shop. He sees himself as an over acheiver... I am engaged in conversation so my friend can have her ego stroked.

He goes on and on... and somewhere in there starts to tell me about how much of a big damn deal he is. that he would like to bank roll my dreams ... and the life he could provide for me and all of the potential he sees... he even pulled out his crack-berry to show me the 85ft. pool he just built in his backyard (or maybe he just took a pic of a random pool).

ok. now it is time to go. why? because he admits it may have been the alcohol (gee... you think?) but he has never fallen for a woman so fast and gives me the business card... and begins to profess his undying love.

Yeah. thank you and good night.

Next stop... Fox and the Hound with mugs... and Sullivans with the run in of my boy next door.

More to come.

Tourettes' is engaged!

by definition she will be getting married.

I am officially the last of my best single girlfriends. ugh.

It is the boy in Monroe (northeast LA)... and though i consider my city not big enough to be a real city... Monroe may as well be the sticks. and little rural towns... they are cute... but i'm a city girl. ugh part II.

I should start by clarifying what my role is here.

1. Dress up
2. Show up
3. Shut up

I say this because outside of what I or anyone else thinks of this union... we are not asked to think. If Tourettes has rationalized this in her mind... we all smile and nod. Why? because of her own admission she is settling. He fits what she kind of wants. and her dad likes the guys. and he has stuck with her showing him all of her crazy for 8 months.

Is she happy? If you ask her (which I did) she says "yeah, i guess.... i mean what is happiness anyway. He loves me. I'm getting old."

Oh.

and I close my eyes to the way my heart hurts for her. it is new. no, no it is not. but to let her do this and not crap on her already fragile sense of purpose is what is expected of me. because no matter what i say she will do it anyway... and forever remember that it was me that said. if she is to not do this she has to get there on her own.

in the meantime i am trying to steer her away from ugly bridesmaids dresses. and also... we are not picking a dress based on what would be most flattering for the fat girl!

It is everything you hope it will be.

I cried. I am a sap. It's been a long time since I've cried in a movie, and this is what brought it out.

It is simply perfect. Not because it mirrors every girls life... but every girl's hope. It is our modern day fairy tale.

Wow that looks terrible. ah, but who cares.

big news but it deserves it's own post. for the mean time i am putting new music on my mp3 player and going to run.

*sigh*

Meet "Southern"

WTF?!

It is the cat from my dream. except last night as I walked in the door, he walked in with me.

He is cuddley (i don't know if it is a boy or a girl... no i don't know how to tell) and a kitten. and very attached to me. I wake roommate up (at like 1 in the morning) to ask if we can keep him. Apparently i must give him a bath and feed him something 1st.

It is just strange that I dreamed him and he showed up. I think he shall be Southern Comfort. He really is sweet. and very snuggly. I like that. I think I need that.

*sigh*

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum...

I woke up happy.

and I am as confused as you are reading this.

Have you ever had a dream and woke up wondering what it meant?
Have you ever had a dream and woke up knowing exactly what it meant?

I got that second one, and I don't know what it was... It wasn't overly anything. Very realistic... nothing out of the ordinary, except Dream Killer was in it (we are no longer speaking.It has been 2 months and i am a better person for it)

He had a new girl roommate and a new cat named "Southern" in my dream.

I don't know what exactly equalled "happy". But I woke up feeling very settled. Today life is good.

Other updates... Bama is engaged. Little Bit told me. To a girl that worked with him at the gym here. I am in awe that his way worked. I get that he took in a huge amount and sifted... and it begets marriage? Interesting.

Had a real date with Goggles. Dinner and wine. It was nice. Today a crawfish boil and a bar-b-que. It was ok. I'm just not into him, and I will never be. And now we are looking for the words to tell him so and still have him train me. (or put me in touch with his old swim coach because we need to clean up some bad strokes.)

however i did lose 3 lbs this week (though i probably gained them all right back today)

In other news... I am sticking with my bad law school for a year and trying to transfer before next summer. We'll see how this goes.

I love him!

I am holding auditions to be in my wedding party!

why? because i want the thriller dance.
Please proceed to video if you have not already done so.

But K you are not engaged...
I think you are missing the point! Please watch the video again
You are not even seriously dating...
Why must we argue semantics. THRILLER!
Don't you think you are jumping the gun just a smidge? what if your friends are rythmically challenged?
My theory on this is that you really only need one guy that is TOTALLY into it to make this work. Stick him in front and watch the magic happen!


and for my challenged friends... i am confident in my ability to make new ones!

Can one really base a whole wedding around an after party dance?
It would be an Indian wedding anyway, by definition that is at least 1/2 freakshow... and besides..
THRILLER! need I say more?
Where do I sign up?
uh... 1st i need a date I like.

have made it work out #2 w/Goggles. (which is what I am calling him). I get why one needs to change trainers every so often. Apparently my current weakness is lower abs. and Cissy lets me get away with that.

Also... ran at a 6 min pace for 3 minutes. that is growth for me. Countdown to when I tell him this is not dating.

M says I have to tell him. otherwise i might not.

Check 1, 2.

coupla questions...

1. When did working out become a date?
2. How does one not see people through beer goggles when one has been drinking?
3. How does one politely say "I'm sorry, i met when I was drinking... now that I've seen you today, I realize that I am NOT in fact attracted to you. bye".
4. How come when Mom's locks herself out of somewhere... it is literally a countdown until I do it too...
5. and last but not least.... when was the last time your mom dropped you off for a date.

The answer to #5, for me, is today.

Off we go.

Start with Thursday. Jenny Bear, Tourettes' and I had dinner to plan our vacation and the upcoming of Jen's B-day. It's in New Orleans 2nd week of June... staying Friday through Sunday. It is going to ROCK!

Chicago may come down. (scary.)

Also, Happy Drunk Ken Doll is working on tickets to the Hornets game (yes game 7 against the Spurs)... even if there are not tickets involved, we will be watching it in a bar and randomly partying in the Quarter. That outing is me Bunkles and Christmas.

Futher, Happy Drunk yipped at me over not submitting an app to Loyola yet... "K, if I ask someone to let you in and there is no application... what is the point?!" I feel like he is judging me. Need a new personal statement and that is scary also.

Back to the list.

After Thursday dinner (this was important because there was a bottle of pinot noir involved). DJ Sabrozo calls and wants to do 80's night at some club. I'm down for this, I haven't been to a club in you know how long?!

So I meet him, we go. I had been drinking since 7. It is now 11. This place is packed, and the yuppies dance. Me? I don't like crowds. I'm possibly getting progressively more claustraphobic... I just don't like it. DJ is cool. we find a table and get drinks.

He is determined to break me out of this and before I can finish a drink/go to the bathroom/ or have another drink... we have to make the rounds. Meaning walk around the dance floor or the upstairs part. Like being around people will make me a people friendly person. nope.

But I find what I think is cute. So I start with that. "Hi, you are the best looking guy in here. What is your name?" did you see how I did not ask him how old he was.

We talk about I don't know what. I amuse myself by singing Madonna. quite loudly. The funny part is I made everyone around me sing too.

My arms are getting more definition and I am wearing a sleeveless shirt. He asks if I work out and if I would like to do so with him. I say "can you make me drop 20 lbs" he says yes and I am intrigued.

We try to schedule. Friday not good for him and he is supposed to be in N.O. this weekend. DJ is ready to leave. I say "bye" and he says "wait!!!"

I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to give him my number. Yes, I do. I was drinking and I thought he was cute.

Kudos to him for following up... he asked me to lunch on Friday... which I flaked on to have lunch w/Bunkles (and plot mission impossible to steal his glitter ball). He asks if I want to work out today. I say yes (I can always use a new trainer).

On to today. Amidst running errands... I have successfully locked my keys in the house. All I have is my laptop, the power cord and my cell phone. I am wearing the workout clothes I wore to Yoga. The roommate is 3 hours away fishing in Grande Isle until tomorrow night. F*CK!

Luckily I live 2 subdivisions aways from my mom. It wasn't on purpose, but it is nice. I call, she says "you don't have to explain, c'mon!". I walked for like 30 min. I get there in time to ask her to drop me off at the gym a couple of streets away.

The boy is quiet. Not like overly so... but he talks a hell of lot less than I do. He is calmer also. I look like a spass with a short attention span. He is very focused. and less cute than I previously thought. But it's like the practice for dating, yes? It is me getting the bugs out for sitting next to someone I am more attracted to. Goodness that makes me sound shallow.

I keep the lock out, mom drop off to myself.

The workout was good. He did football and track (of course he did... that seems to be my m.o.) and got a college scholarship out of it. He's good. Today was him guaging me. Apparently... I'm pretty good myself (*translation... for a girl).

He did also mention that he is going to N.O. to see his new baby God-daugter, and put it off a day to see me. and i commence feeling like a sh*t.

When I am done, he is going to get some weights in before he is done, I use this opportune moment to call my mommy to pick me up. luckily she lives right around the corner, and I will never have to explain this to him.

On the way home he texts to invite to me play in a wiffle ball tournament tomorrow. Which sound so fun... but I demurely say I can't with no explanation.

Mom is nervous about me driving the truck with no licence... and I just couldn't imagine being dropped off.

yes i am a dork.

I AM NOT A CYNIC! i am intolerant.

there is a difference, gosh darnit!

At some point today I decided I would be more productive at a coffee shop. There were too many distractions at work (the stupid people kept talking to me), even locked away I got 11ty billion emails... and then mom locked herself out of the beautiful new truck (and I reminded her why I get the spare set of keys ALL the way to her house to pick up the spares and ALL the way back to her work).

Onward. at said shoppe. yuppie people are following me. I found random yuppie girlie friend to shoot the sh*t with. She is a bit too sugar smacks for my taste. But live and let live.

She goes to the restroom and comes back to tell me all about it.

"OMG! you HAVE to go in there! the air freshener is so yummy! it is like a Vanilla HUG!"

i'm not making this up. she really said that. honestly who puts those words together in a sentence?

anyway, i am sufficiently intrigued because i have the attention span of a puppy. So i must check it out.

K: Honey, that is not a vanilla hug... that is someone who got espresso+vanilla syrup+milk and it did not go well.

G: How can you be so mean?! What do you mean?

K: What you are smelling is someone's sick.

G: still didn't get it

K: look at my drink. Why do i get a vanilla latte w/half soy and half non-fat milk

G: so you don't get sick?

K: right. (intolerant means lactose intolerant) what you are smelling is vomit.

and sadly, girlie had to leave me shortly thereafter.

p.s. She did not keep her coffee and this amuzed me to no end.

Today I met someone...

not in the way that you think.



I blog it because i think it might be significant.



This has been an amazing week. Let's start with I applied and was accepted the same day to law school. Let's further explain it is to evening school which would allow me to still do what I do and have my company pay for it (as a reimbursement to the max allowable by the IRS). The downside, it is in BR, LA and considered a crap school to the rest of the United States.



and I can hear the Dream killer's response to my ever present "What if I don't get into a good school"... he says "Then you be the best at a bad school".


So here's the thing... i ran the lakes this morning and went to my favorite coffee shop to read a bit. i ran into one of the girls i met on law school campus when I was being given the tour. She is super sweet and telling me all about the program etc. Then there is J.Harris who is the #2 ranked person in his class and starting to clerk for a HUGE firm in LA. both are giving me the realities of life and acceptance to this school. After a grounding conversation they go their respective ways.



Intro MARY. She is the person I met of some significance.

"i didn't want to say anything because your friends were there, but did you know that X is a crap school? why aren't you going to Loyola or Tulane?"

blah blah, i love my job, they will pay for it, opportunity with my company... etc.

"there will be other job. you can get a job anywhere. they will pay for that because tuition is so cheap, you will only be able to stay in LA. do you want to do that? Forgive me for saying so but you would be limiting yourself"

blah blah just applied, just got in, could i still be considered for Loyola. the amazing debt etc etc.

"if you finish from there, or even your 1st year, you can transfer to Tulane... and get a job anywhere. knock that debt out in 5 years. the reputation of the school speaks for itself".

and i know this. she gives me the name of someone in the admissions office to call.

i am going through the mental rolodex... i have a guy who has a grandfather on the Board at Loyola... that might be worth something.

She said a bunch more... but nothing i haven't heard before, nor anything that i did not tell myself. I am afraid of rejection.. but I did promise myself the best possible shot.

So we take the shot and see what happens.

also... so the Vice Chancellor at school X calls to tell me I was accepted... and shows me around campus... and tells me there is a scholarship if I transfer to full day (and quit work). Know why? my humbling LSAT score is the 2nd highest in my incoming class. This does not make me feel good. Especially since I hate that score and tested so much higher.

so realignment of focused energy.

if Loyola is a resounding no we have the crap shoot and will simply have to make that work and beg borrow and steal to transfer.

Because I am done low-balling myself.

and i am a competitive jerk. I can do this and I owe myself the best possible shot.

jesus christ what am i doing?!

Flavor Rock

Ok so I took a little bit of artistic freedom with image association...

but tell me you don't see it?

It is my new favorite 2 hours of Celebreality. I have to admit, it is a hot mess and thus I am drawn to it. So much so that I have spent a little time analyzing this.

There are many similarities... how come the person that gets voted off is more about the girls' coup than the guy's original thought? I mean really... how come they sort of bum rush, scream and cackle... and that is how the decision is made. I mean really?

so by survival of the fittest you end up with that which is the most catty and manipulative. and how come all of these girls are nasty looking? or wanna be models with shots all over myspace with their bums exposed... like WOW.

No i will not post for reference. you can search it yourself. the links are somewhere on http://www.flavorofloveworld.com/ and http://www.vh1.com/shows/series/rock_of_love_2/splash.jhtml respectively.

I think though the girls on ROL II are more forth coming with being *ahem* adult entertainers... the girls on FOL III are pretty much looking like prostitutes.

Uh... I think Amber is going to win and I think Daisy will eat a cheeseburger. and Bret will continue to play with all of the girls from the show past and present... why? because this is season 2. and he can.

SoSaysI... so it must be true.

Moving on. Friday found me downtown w/Bunkles and friends. We meant to go to an outdoor concert... found favorite bar that had the Micheal Foster Project (excellent brass band, i've known the trumpeter since we were in middle school) and kind of forgot.

True to form Trip (with both sisters so his triplet status is confirmed) was there and squaking. He has no job. Oh. That is why he was "working" for alcohol a couple of weekends ago. Oh. Too bad Tourettes is at the beach and could not take her verbal revenge.

I am the woose that feels sorry. i will try to look at his resume and see what we can do.

Of course Bryan was there. I saw for 2 seconds... this is just old now. I didn't say anything and he didn't either. ugh. luckly the place was over packed and there was no awkwardness.

However... excellent sound byte of the night came in the form of a pick up line from random person...

"Excuse me, I just wanted to let you know that you ignite the deepest recesses of my heart"...

yes, i generally do. no he did not get my phone number.

i resent that.

Maybe there are still Brit fans out there... but I don't know any.

Further... that is my Alma Mater, Take it off Brit... I know you haven't heard that in a while, but take it off.


grrrr tigers.


p.s. I relay my Bryan story at the outing last night, and I love that I have friends who love me. So I tell Pretty Ricky and Christmas... both are laughing at me... They say the bit that keeps me dillusional... "If that was me, i would think it was funny. If he doesn't get your sense of humor then he is not for you. and why would you want someone who does not get it?"

in truth I still think it was funny too, even if it begot awkwardness.

...sounds about right.

let me tell you about yesterday.

I am again teaching for Junior Achievement... it works well for me on Thursdays... I get to work about 11.

The Sr. VP blah-blah has decided he wants a succession/development plan based upon what he had at his old company.

Ok cool.

He has several hundreds of pages of manuals focused on this plan.

cool still.

He has one hard copy that he wants us (M and I) to turn into a presentation by Tuesday... along w/the 2 other gi-normous bits he wants us to create for the same meeting.

oh good. i thougt this might be the slightest bit difficult. (please note the charming/refreshing use of sarcasm to illustrate one's frustration)

yay.

Short version: we spent all day on this.

I left work at 10 pm. i was beyone tired, it was a loooong work day.

To further moment of weakness, the Dream Killer casually calls to see if i've turned in my law school app. at almost 10 o'clock at night? c'mon!

... i mumble something about being at work and he makes all of the requisite "poor baby" noises. complete with the offer of wine.

to further the dumb-f******g of myself, he offers wine at the new Loft in Perkins Rowe. It is a spin off of the favorite Wine Loft... I have yet to see it, i am all about this. even if it is with him. after all... new trendy bar? right up his alley.

I meet him there, and walk right into... guess who?

Bryan. Attorney Bryan who is 30 years old from the post right under this one. Attorney Bryan who played me to the left because I offended him with my intro. He's looking right at me... I kind of waved and hurried to hide behind DK.

I have to laugh at this. And then I look around at all of the girls in the super tight, super short ill-fitting cocktail dresses that are all the rage... I am in a long sleeved button down and dress slacks. and having a run in that is a little awkward.

Yep. about par for the course and this sounds about right.

I could not see him tonight... as I have kick-ass super model hair and full battle make up. no, not today. yesterday. when i looked like i'd been beaten Rodney King style with the ugly stick.

ugh.

Not Everyone's Cup of Tea...

So that looks more like coffee... or Chai! For the sake of argument it is Chai. Was supposed to do a Heart Race benefit with Mommiey and Grams instead of Yoga this morning.. thankfully Grams punked out because it looks rainy and she does not trust the roads by the Lakes... she can cancel, but there was no way I was going to :)

So I have a few minutes before I have to leave for yoga.

This morning I am assessing the collateral damage of last night of last night. (not literally... just the kind of stuff we managed to take with us) Not too much... McDonald's bag, Vitamin Water bottle... Tourettes' managed to steal the jacket out of my Jeep that I expressly forbid her to take... and deleted a coupla phone numbers out of my phone.

I know something about myself... I freeze when someone asks for my number... in my head I am playing out what I think the 1st awkward conversation might sound like... retarded, i know.

Unless you are something special, you probably aren't gonna get it.

But I will politely take your number and really save it in my phone...

and delete it the next morning.

Because i know me. I've met me. I'm not going to call. I just wouldn't know what to say.

So the one of the numbers I am deleting is from a 'wing-man'... Oh YES! Last night there was an instance that I got played to the left. It is not so much a blow to the ego as it is kind of funny. At least I think it is... see if you do.

So at bar #1 I casually see cute guy. I think he sees me too. I play with my friends, Tourettes' gets antsy, we leave.

Bar #4, see him again

We sit outside and are amusing ourselves... I think he is cute. I am going to talk to him. I should mention at this point that I wonder how old he is. He looks like he could be young. But he is at a bar where they checked ID ... we all know this means nothing.

So I use this as my intro...

K: Hi. You are cute, how old are you.

Boy: I'm 30, what kind of question is that?

K: I just wanted to make sure.

Boy: you are cute, how old are you?

K: It doesn't matter because I'm cute.

Boy: My name is Bryan (real name because i do not have to protect those i will never see again)... Attorney Byran. What's your name

K: K.

more conversation... his friend makes fun of my Abita Strawberry Lager (as that is the seasonal Abita, in case you didn't know.. but how could you NOT?!)

Boy informs me he is going to "tell on me" to Tourettes who is sitting in the corner talking to people we know... i say "go ahead, she loves me, nothing you say will change that.

Boy: We'll see about that.

so he does. and I talk to his friend. Who is nice enough... but like i said, not my 1st choice. I'm not trawling here!

Boy is taking a while, I go over and try to make amends.Tourettes is annoyed with my Boy... and giving me the "THIS is what you thought was cute?!" look.. this in officially not going well.

I say: I think you misunderstood my intro...

he demurs that he is going to get a drink... and his friend stayed with us the rest of the night. Tourettes is confused and says so "what just happened and why are we stuck with this guy? The other one came over here and said that you said he was too old for you". NO! I was making sure he was not 17!

I have officially been played to the left. ouch! Maybe I will not use that intro ever again.

and yet... it was meant to be funny. but even I am ok with not being every body's cup of tea.

Here is the sad part... while i take his friend's number the friend is trying his best sincere pitch of "I would love to hang out with you, you are smart and funny... even as friends... blah blah"...

and I take the number knowing I will never call. But he does not know that. I hope he knows.

I hope one day I will actually use the numbers.

I just wouldn't know what to say.

Why are Gay Men, Straight Single Women's Most coveted accessory?

Sadly I think I may know the answer to this.

I think I could tell you in one word... I will save it until the end.

the phrase is because gay men have become 'yes' men to single straight women.

why do i say this? read on.

Tourette's got long-distance Austin-type dumped on Monday. The boyfriend is far away and wants her to give up her life as she knows it and marry him... and live in Bum F**K Egypt... because country girls have no life until they get married. Tourettes was presented with an ultimatum and said... "... thank you but no".

No worries. She has me. and I love her.

I love her enough that I do not want to see her hurt... if she is, i will do my part to make it better.

she started drinking at 5 this afternoon. i picked her up about 8, we make it downtown and hit the bars.

we come across Triplet, he has a fraternal twin... he says there is a triplett... it has yet to be confirmed...

Trip as we shall call him is flamingly homosexual. He is. If you know him, you know he is. We took a class together way back when (in early college...) he is the balm to a female's insecurities.

At Tsunami he runs over and GUSHES over how fabulous I look... how he is so jealous because I am the hottest thing there. He scoops me up and twirls me around and everyone is forced to look because he is having a FIT over how wonderful I am.

we were on our way out to another bar. Tourettes says he is not the Will to my Grace.. he is the JACK. I laughed... until we saw him 2 bars later... and she has been cornered by Old-I-have-money-guy-but-i-am-too-cheap-to-buy-you-a-$3-beer...but-please-sleep-with-me-anyway guy... and here comes Trip... to gush about how he knew I would be here because the ugly people were every where else, and if you don't hang out with the beautiful people, what is the point of being in public. I laugh, this is funny to me...

Tourette's decides he will be her new Project Runway guy... i.e. "fierce". they have a bonding moment, he talks her into buy him an $11 cosmo with Grey Goose because it is what I am drinking and more expensive than the beers Tourettes' consumes.

he leaves shortly after downing the drink. Tourettes is heart-broken.

She has never bought a drink for a straight guy... she has never had to.

But she felt kinship with Trip... and went out on a limb... and expected him to be charmed and stay put...

and the word of what such a type person provides... is Validation. it is nice to hear him gush. he does so in such public places... but such a person cannot be so for very long. i would love to say i am the hottest thing ever... and yet, even I know that he does it because it makes people stare... at him. tourettes wanted to sit next to someone who thinks she is hot, and not because they want to sleep with her.

i get it, i am sorry she took this harder than the boy breaking up with her... at least he sought to marry her. trip only wanted a drink.

newest avatar

this is my vicarious vacation. i am taking the turtle and the white tiger. and leaving the rest of you f******s here.

ok, you can come if you want.

that is about where my hair is... it's growing back, i need a trim... i am rambling and trying to make up for lots of neglect.

Could somebody wash my car, please?

The jeep needs to be washed. badly.

it now has volcanic dust on it. (all the better to lift finger prints with) and will require a pressured spray of water to get it off...

so these kids are having a fund raiser. You've seen these things... kids on the side of the street with signs... buckets to collect money... they wash your car, you give them whatever you have.

i see what i think is this and i am excited... as we have discussed, my jeep needs to be washed. badly.

so i pull over, here come the kids with the bucket. i drop in my coupla bucks... they say thank you, and run away.

wait.

what just happened? my jeep is failing to wash itself, and no one else is doing it?

WTF?

it was not THAT kind of fund raiser. It was more like just begging for funds. mutha f*******! These little punks these days don't know how good they have it! in my day, the dance team did not get to go to competitions unless we raised a certain amount of money... and one of the ways we did it was selling stuff, or providing services for said money! not just taking people's money!

in retrospect the sentence before last might look questionable, but you know what i mean.

ugh.

So back to laptop that was taken... filled out police report yesterday. My boss's boss got in town today and will be here through friday... m will tell him that he has to sign off on buying me a new laptop. not fired yet. we will see how this goes.

also, since the most recent dismissal of DK... i still need that freakin letter of rec for law school from his dad. he is picking it up and getting the privilege of dropping it off tomorrow. sticking to it this time. no him. no more. not good. wow, now if i only had a nickel for every time...

OMG I GOT JACKED!

and in the stupidest way ever!

so I am now sans work laptop... this is gonna be an interesting conversation tomorrow.

so in the course of this week... i have moved back and forth to work and home with laptop. i also have a desktop at work... so i didn't so much miss it when i slept about 4 hours a night.

i thought i left it at home...

at home i thought i left if at work.

this weekend as i start to try to get some work done and i need so post something on the intranet site.... i can't find it. i even went back to work on a freakin holiday.

Roommate pops up with "be careful, lock the doors, make sure your window is closed... 3 people have lost laptops out of their cars in the past couple of weeks".

CRAP.

so i get to enlighten m (boss) and fill out a police report...

i wonder if i will get fired for this. that would be unfortunate.

What the F*** do Kenyans eat?

Today was the Crescent City Classic. A 10K. My first 10K. My time was awful but at least I finished!

By the end my muscles were on fire because I nether trained enough nor stretched enough. I am having sinus issues... and I felt like my chest was going to explode.

I am totally gonna do it again in the Fall!

My time was 1:13:10. Not good but could be worse.

April 19th is the Corporate Cup.

Back to the title line... so the winner... and 1st 12 runners in were from Kenya... and did it in 20 minutes approximatly.

WHAT THE FRICKEN HELL IS THAT?!

I ask you... how is this possible?! Almost 6.4 miles.... in that time.... what were you running from that you have gotten this fast.

I am not a runner. Good-ness... but seeing that score and having the moving camera take your pic is addictive. Stronger, faster, better. I am sure I can do better.

From here we re-commit to the training regimine... also... am doing well with the biking, now i have to take that show on the road... literally.

and now that i CAN swim i have to get back in the pool and ACTUALLY swim.

will work for everything...

I am not a work-a-holic. but i understand how one becomes such a beast.

Yesterday I was called such by the roommate. he is bi-polar. he recently told me so. I don't so much think he gets to judge. Had I known before i moved in, i would not have.

Back to me.

I love what I do... I am getting better at it. I take it with me, because it is not so much filling 8 hours at a time, as it is the next project, the next thing, my thing. I enjoy it.

and when things are not going well in a particular aspect of your life, it is easy to focus on what you can control. what you can do well.

The dream killer is going out tonight. and tomorrow. and asked what i had planned for the weekend lest I should have something he is interested in. We are not dating. I don't know what moment of retardation made me think that was a good idea. I do no. It was lots of other stuff not going well.

I am not going out so much. It is expensive and I have both a budget and goals. DK is not cheap. DK is spoiled. He pisses money away like it is cool. Today he defends with "I like what I like." yes. but he can't take care of anything. He will throw a $2000 suit on the couch. where his cats will sleep on it. and then ask me to pick up his dry cleaning when i get mine... leaving out that he hasn't paid for anything. If he does not have, his parents will give it to him. In a 30 year old man, that is disgusting.

I can discuss only as it relates to me. DK wanted a girlfriend. badly. There was a day that he bought me an outfit from Banana Republic because it was so unlike what I wear to work and he thought it looked nice. And has talked about it ever since. because it is the first time he has ever done it for anyone. Nothing he does or has ever done is without recourse. that weekend his dad won a small portion of the lottery and promised each of the kids some money. Dk asked for a check. got it, and asked me to pay for dinner that night.

I have long known that DK has no room in his world for me in that capacity. He is the party guy friend, who it is good to know to get you into clubs, newer bars and great restaurants. but if he didn't sponge off of his parents, we would and has done it for me. he throws words around like 'get engaged in a year' and 'our kids'... and again i cannot breath. he does not have enough substance for me and I work too hard to throw my money into him.

so tonight, tomorrow, and forever and ever... he will drink, and i will read.

He is vain soul sucking selfish and superficial.

and this only further makes me think that if he was for me... him wanting marriage would seem like a good thing. now it just sounds like a liability.

Where did all the words go?

I promised you an update. my company is going to pay for me to go to law school. It is amazing and spectacular... and a mixed blessing.

said concession comes with a few fixed prices:
1. law school has to be here
2. there is a cap set by the IRS that they cannot exceed (there is a way around that... maybe I'll tell you once I've gotten them to get over this)
3. I have to make at least a B in every class
4. I have to go at least 2 semesters a year
5. I still have to work full-time

mother of god.

So this is how we will make this work.
1. law school will be here (for now, with the soft intention of I will transfer if i decide that is better for me and just take mammoth loans)
2. for now we will take the max
3. oh-gosh... i can't breath. nor will i be able to until i know what I am doing. The girl that works in the Starbux downstairs is about to be a 3-L. I am getting all of her books to start reading this sh*t NOW.
4. Duh. the program I am taking is 11 hours a semester but you still finish in 3 years. better than an evening part time program that takes 4 and a half. plus i will go to summer school. i don't need a life for now. i need to not be poor.
5. and ok. if that is what it takes for now... O.K.

The part that has yet to be mentioned... and it is very very pertinent...

There is nothing in the policy, verbal, or written agreement that promises me to your company for any length of time. i.e. if i pay for 1 semester you owe me 2 years. nope.

On it's face, it would seem like that means they could let me go whenever they want. True. but that was always so. as can i leave at any point in time. and should such a thing happen mid semester... we up the loans and find a clerkship. that is the contingency plan. i know better than not having one.

also, you are asking yourself... why would they pay for law school? if so many people are going... and they have a great in house council... they have their pick of people and only hire attys with 4-7 years of experience... in a nut shell, here it is...

a while ago Shy told me I left 20K on the table b/c I did not negotiate my salary b/c I was so ready to leave JPMorgan Chase. I did some research. That is true. The national average for what I do is 23K more than i make. the state average is ALSO more than I make. I know this. they know i know this. i am told i cannot negotiate salary until august. ok.

I bring up law school and got asked for a justification. i have no idea what i wrote but it convinced my boss, her boss and the COO of my company. so it is like giving me a raise without my business line having to pay for it.

M (my boss) is afraid this might give me less to bargain with in august for more money. No. no. I have met me, and I am no longer the person I was. This is how we will fix that.

I work harder. I am taking sh*t home, I am pulling up the email, and will be getting them to give me a black berry to be more available to you. for now. In April I will start my 6 week construction class. it ends in June, i might so the safety bit too.... which will give me an OSHA 10 certification. which i could give a hoot less about, but on a resume it is growth, it is challenging... and it looks like i am interested in whatever my business/industry does.

i will be more of a techie and get my certifications to teach a few more professional offerings... like project management classes... and Microsoft Project.

By the time we get to August, you will have to pay me what I am worth. If not the whole 23K more... pretty freakin close to it. because before we ask for the raise... the resume will go everywhere.... including the engineering firm down the street.

consider this.

I love what I do. I love the boss I have. I work for a division of a company that is limited in resources... which has turned into a blessing.

I get to touch and learn fantastic things. I get to spend time in training on all IT applications that is relatively new, that i would never have come to on my own.

I have gotten rave reviews from my boss and my boss's boss, which happens to be a sr. vp, on each and every one of my projects. i am an asset. he said so.

now for the bad part... I know my work is good. My boss is grooming and developing me and does not treat me like a secretary nor limit my creativity. My boss's boss knows my stuff is great... but in bigger meetings, my boss's great work is credited to her boss... my great work is attributed to her... and me? I don't exist.

oh.

So this was the job until law school which i vehemently wanted to not be here. The job is here. and my lack being able to express personal statement means i have limited my dream schools... to just a dream. Further, the application process gets expensive and I have taken such a cut by taking the fun job.

Recently I tried to date the Dream killer again. it lasted almost a month. and it is STILL not a good idea. no more boyfriend. why? the things that are wrong are still wrong. i have no indication that it will get better.

I have been known to view a job like a boy... the things that are wrong... money, credit. To get more money, I have to be seen more as an asset, i.e. the sr vp must pay me what i am worth. or it fails to be a good fit.

on to law school. so if i stay here, and choose the cheapest school, what would it matter if i did well. any where else and i am mortgaging my soul. what if my company could pay for it?

today we put that ball in motion. If they pay for it, i will be applying for part time law school, if not then it will be full time.

the decision should come quickly.

it has become what will make me stay or leave. because a huge raise before the formal 'evaluation period' just doesn't happen in a huge corp.

rat bastard.

My Roommate has a profile on MATCH.COM

stay calm. this is not weird. a lot of people do this.

That is not the freaky thing... know where I saw it? on a pop up advertisement of... wouldn't you like to meet this single in your area?

No. No I would not. He is usually right downstairs. and I do NOT want a relationship with him. We already have one. of a financial nature.

ewwwwww.

his pics are really him. but some of the stuff like he works out 1/2 times a week... liar.

He is not 5' 8", that would make him at least my height. which he is not. he's more like 5' 6" ish.

he does not read

diet= meat and potatoes... or microwave pizzas.

and he drinks 1/2 a week?! liar. he gets freaking smashed at every "social outing" oh wow.

he does not live alone... he lives with me!

and what he is looking for... whew!

Oh... and the best part, he is paying for this.

But i cannot judge him, i just made up an email address and dummy profile to see what he had out there.

happy dating, be careful, people lie online!

Chinese Hush Money.

So the Chinese new year was this week. The only know this because I found a tiny red envelope in my leather chair on a random morning. with a note but no signature. some of us got them, but not all of us. the dork in me was trying to figure out who they came from by association.

Boy am I glad I did not assume it was from Monica just because her parents own a Chinese buffet restaurant... boy would I have been embarrassed.... it was not from her. and she did not get one. and i got the distinct pleasure of not sounding like a tool as I faked a conversation about something I had no idea about.

nope, this is me. so of COURSE it came from the staffing manager. I have to give you more there...He is from San Diego (He thinks this makes him hip). His father is Phillipino (that makes him small) and his mother is Indian (that makes him weird). His wife is a caucasian insect professor at LSU who runs marathons (so he thinks we have something in common to discuss). He randomly spoke to me in Japanese for several days... because he assumed I am very cultured. (I AM VERY CULTURED! ish.) He does not so much speak to me... as he speaks AT me.

I am goofy. http://www.trymango.com/ i started learning Japanese because I was embarrassed that I had no Japanese in my repetoire. I can have that whole intro conversation. Anatawa?

back to the money. he printed up this little blurb to go with it... Saying this is the year of the Rat (yay RAT) and how in china little kids got a little red envelope with either $2 or $4 as something to ward off evil, etc. (mine has 2... i didn't open mine, but i coerced someone else into open theirs). M (boss) laughed at me as I described it to her before she got in... "What is it?" she asks.

"It is supposed to ward off evil... and we both got one... maybe we are being called evil?" i much rather prefer to refer to it as my Chinese Hush Money.

and i'm not going to open it or spend it.

and you cannot have it either.

I need a bike.

1st tri is May 10th. ish. i need my own bike. i now have no bike. need a road bike. to ride for 12 miles. after 350 meters swim.

right after i am going to fall on face. please pick me up off the road... before the angry geese get me.

The Most Beautiful Book I Never Read.

Punch line: it is Shalimar the Clown by Salman Rushdie

Back story to follow.

how to start... I am an auditory learner. I know this about myself. The best way for me to remember something is to hear it. If I read it, I can give you the gist... if I hear it, I can give it back to you verbatim. about.

Segue: Rushdie is not my favorite writer. I read him. but I don't particularly LIKE him. I get why he is good, I get that it is an expansion of what I think literally possible to wrap my head around his complex fumbling tumbling cliches with the same soul... I question if he can write women. Truly write women. Write in such a way that makes me flip to the back to check for your picture to make sure that you are a man.

Or write a man that I want to breath into life. I say so in the light of Ondaatje's "In the Skin of a Lion"... i forget his name, but the main hero-guy. I want him. I want to be with him. I want the soul shaking earth-moving lover forever and ever... and one that thinks and loves and speaks like him. but he is a character in a book. and Rushdie has never evoked such a thing in me.

Until...

So Shalimar is book on CD. After I bought both Midnight's Children and the Satanic Verses... I said NO MORE! and then I went to the public library to see what was in the book on CD section. It keeps me mind occupied when I have to stay at my desk and do things like answer 11ty billion emails.

I find Shalimar. I hesitate. I figure if it sucks I give it back immediately. Except it is beautiful. and I will seek it in print to see if I like it as much. I want to tell you what it is I like so much... but I'm still processing.

It has a man that I know. It has a women I've struggled with. and yet smacks of his Ice Queen from Satanic verses... and even she walks with me. Her imagery. the seamless integration of mysticism... whoa! no. i reserve that for Gabriel Garcia Marquez. because even I don't know that to be a quantifiable thing. ugh.

and it truly is... the most beautiful book I've never read.

besos.

Wanna see the Tom Cruise freakshow?

http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tr

yeah, it's that good.

What would it take to snatch this thing?

Hear me out!

It is not my fault that this is where my mind immediately goes.

I personally blame the plethora of movies like Ocean 11, 12, and 13 that makes it looks so easy. Ok not easy but really fun. Plus, apparently, Brad Pitt shows up like the prize out of a cereal box.

So I now have a roommate. He is nice enough. I am getting things to redecorate my new space. and Dk get dragged along.

He is pouting as we venture to the 3rd linen store to compare quality of bath towels... when he sits right up and says "You have to got to be freakin kidding me!"

That could be about anything.

What it happened to be about yesterday was the 2008 BCS Championship Waterford Coach's trophy. Apparently it is on tour across the entire city (probably New Orleans too... but definitely not the whole state) to the different venues of its sponsors.

Yesterday was the Verizon store on Seigan. It has it's own police escort and tent. The line of people to see it was amazing. I mean wrapped around the building. at 11 in the morning!

I ask if he needs me to pull over so he can get in line. He says "ummm no" and begins a rant of the sorry saps that have never achieved any athletic prowess... and never will... and this is the closest to any form of greatness that these people will ever touch... and blah blah when he ran track for LSU it had the #1 program in the country and more blah blah...

So as we find where we are going, I think to myself... how hard would it be to nab this thing. Not so much that I want it, I don't. Not so much that I would ever do such a thing, I would not.

But I bet it would be worth a lot to the right individual. Especially since tickets to this thing were going for several thousand dollars. For crap seats!

oh and the other thing I had to tell you was... remember the post that ended with the guy who was asking his son about "Great Expectations"? As I am packing up to leave, he introduces himself (I am confused as to why). He is Dr. Caxton Opere. The link takes you to his amazon page for his book.

Yes he is also a published author.

He tells (not asks) me that I know how to create web pages. (I was also doing stuff for work on my laptop) I blink while waiting for the rest of it. He then tell his son that I will create his website for him for free... in exchange of which he will give me personal coaching on my personal relationships for the next 5 years. I thank him for his generous offer and give some excuse of why I have to leave NOW. He is African. Like from the continent... Indian people have a quaint saying of calling someone "fresh off the boat". That was him. and he was pushy and overbearing.

He asks if I know who he is... I say no. He is still holding on to my hand telling me about his book and how he was divorced and he never will be again and how he can make sure i choose well and am never divorced. Based on his explanation of his work I ask if he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has a "successful marriage and he nor his wife will NEVER file for divorce" he chuckles and affirms. Ok crazy... let's get ready for the summation.

I don't care how much of an expert you are, never say never, bubba. NEVER. plus his delivery made me want to jump out of my skin. But I'm not saying there is not some validity to his book. I haven't looked at it, I don't know. What I do know is if the success of this book is based on this man selling it/being attached to it... to where you see him... it will not do so well.

He reiterates his offer... 5 whole years of being able to call this man on his personal cell phone! So exciting! So generous of an offer! Such a crock of B.S. !

He tries to convince me one more time by telling me his sage advice to some woman who had marital problems. Know what it was? Victoria's Secret. That was it.

I tell him I have his card and I will call him when I've decided to accept his offer.

Translation: He should be getting that call about quarter to never.

My Opinion Matters!

... and gosh-darnit people like me.

hee hee.

Ok, so my newest favorite brain-cell numbing activities are... drum roll please.....

responding to Yahoo Answers and the Big Debate.

Not to say that I have time for it, because I assure you that I came upon this while I was hard at work... or procrastinating about work... which is so close to working, it's scary.

I love these things. and here is why... the Big Debate on msn is great because I listen to a retardo debate about celebrities I don't care about.... and then I give my opinion by voting on some retardo aspect of their lives or careers (Britney is sooo over!).

Because with out my little click msn might cease to be.

Yahoo Answers. So I came about this by google searching something... and apparently someone had asked my exact question at Yahoo Answers (cosmic, I know!)... and people responded. and somewhere else on the page was an open question that caught my attention... and that was all she wrote...

So let me tell you why this is still amusing... These things are about as life changing as day time television. But honestly some of the questions these people are asking of strangers is AWESOME! (yes JD... truly awesome) but more in the dumbfounded... were you dropped on you head when you were little kind of way.

One girl asked why she had no REAL friends. My answer is below because I feel the need to answer stupidity that feels like a brain freeze... why would you ask such a question to a bunch of strangers... no one on this page is in a position to answer that. maybe you should start there...

maybe harsh (I got a thumbs down for that... i may seek therapy) and I respect that I am goofy for both reading and responding... and that this is now a very fun thing to do.

Some one else asked if people purposely offend in their answers... Me? honestly no. I'm giving you my opinion. This is America and Sesame Street says there is no one as unique and wonderful as me.

Ahhh but the argument could be made that such is the same with blogging... we share ourselves and let people comment. I still think it different, at least if you make your way through some of this you have a sense of me... and besides we all know it takes nothing at all for us to have an opinion about something.

So go ahead people, take advantage of the positive reinforcement of how important, necessary and powerful you are. but please don't let this be the only place you feel so.

How 'bout them tigers?

Back to Black.

so the goal is not so much to get back to black but maybe pink. or yellow. or some other fluffy bit of color.

I don't like the direction the blog has taken. and like much else in life right now i am unsure of how to fix it.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to do a state of the union summation. and a bit about where we are going for this year.

as of this minute I am...

1. Homeless
2. not in school
3. not good at sticking to a budget
4. not sure how to date
5. a bit of a social scardy cat
6. not hitting my full potential
7. not able to stick to a better eating plan
8. not sticking to a workout plan for triathalon this year
9. not financially prepared for an emergency
10. not much of a writer at this point

so at the end of this year, all of these things will be changed.

All of them? well, this is what i tell myself. Those are a lot of nots...

I am sitting next to an older gentleman with his young son (?)... he is quizzing him on Great Expectations. The characters... the plot to the point the son is at... He is asking hard questions... I read the book, I loved the book! I could not answer this man's questions at this point.

So the little boy is blowing bubbles into his strawberry frappacino (which has no coffee or caffeine... i believe it is false advertising and defeats the purpose) and trying not to laugh as I make faces at him... when his dad is not looking, of course.

I can not find the focus in my life... so i will look at someone else's.