Big Dumb Dummy-Head.

Yep. That's me. Wanna know why? French-Lebanese guy who spent Friday night proposing marriage to me. I gave him the wrong name but the right phone number. Stupid!

So he texts me 2x on Sunday- I text back to figure out who it is. I tell him I'm studying I'll text later (never do). After gym last night, went to study. He calls 2x and texts begging me to answer so that he can ask me something. He calls again, I answer- he asks if I'll have a drink w/him tonight- I say I'll let you know. Today it occurs to me I should go. At least to try the dating thing. After all, this is the 'year of the yes'. Who knows, it might be a good thing. So I text him yes. He asks me to pick him up on campus... ummmmmm no.

He says he is working on his LLM and he is a full atty in France. I don't care. I don't know him well enough to take him anywhere. That would just be stupid! What brand of retard do I look like? You are supposed to be the boy here! I know that sounds bratty but hear me out... It has taken a long time and a lot of frogs to figure some stuff out. Here are the big points Madigan has tried to drill into my head.

#1. Whatever current guy can not/will not do there are 10 other guys begging to (even if only at 1st). So he'd better have a really over compensating aspect about him if he is squashing what is most important to you. (i.e. I love him. He gets a lot of other stuff right. He's really sweet. He's a great guy.)

#2. Guy in a bar is just for temporary entertainment purposes. They are amusing. They are fun. We do not look for lasting connections.

#3. You may be a great guy, but I have to see it for myself to want to talk to you. No entertaining some guy because he was the only one showing you attention at that time. No. bad. That is what your friends are for. Using guys for attention always backfires.

#4. No putting up with B.S. up front. He is the boy, dating is supposed to be super great at the beginning (at the very least). If it's bull in the beginning, it's not about to get any better.

Does this sound like an article in Glamour yet (icky!) but for the most part, it's all pretty true. What sucks is that I still had to learn it- why? because apparently I look like the sucker of the universe. and various frogs with a**hole potential can see it a mile away. So we ignore LLM?

On to the crush... I refer to a quote from Disgrace... came across it last night and boy did it hit home. "[a woman] Who thinks, because he comes from the big city, because there is a scandal attached to his name, that he makes love to many women and expects to be made love to by every woman who crosses his path."

The sentiment is similar to one expressed by Francisco in Atlas Shrugged (don't have the book in front of me to quote)... he has a certain reputation which is furthered by him letting other believe he is sleeping with a myriad of women. Who all carry and further the lie because they can not fathom that a man who has the reputation of loving (or using) women would not consider them a conquest.

In other words... to be desired by one who a connoisseur of sorts, makes one that much more desirable. A messed up sense of validation, isn't it. It drives home because of the daydream. Yesterday he comes over to say hi and says he doesn't know how to say "beautiful" in Hindi yet but he will know by the next time he sees me. And later I saw him greet and grin for another very pretty girl. I can't say I was jealous... that's what he does... but it was kind of like... "ok. I need to save myself a hell of a lot of embarrassment and not speak to him anymore."

Of course, darling Ricky and Bat-girl are both like "WHO CARES WHO ELSE HE SPEAKS TOO? NONE OF THE OTHER PRETTY GIRLS ARE YOU!" They swear if he knew I was even slightly interested that he would jump at the chance. Bat-girl says if he can say Beautiful in Hindi that I should take it as a sign that he passed the preliminary round. After all, she says I am witty and challenging (though it has been my experience that men prefer the smile and nod type) and I am not throwing anything at him, he seeks to speak to me. I think Bat-girl is ridiculously biased. :)

In depressing news, I sat outside to read (and thaw!) for a bit this morning. Some yuk-head walks by and says "I always see you with your nose stuck in a book. Why do you read all the time?" To which I say... "Because a woman's greatest asset is still her mind." and it is.

Update: So LLM calls and leaves on my v-mail that he would understand if I didn't want to get a drink- or "know him in the light of day" (the pun is just too great!) and says in French "...ahh well, the man proposes but it is up to the woman to decide." Ok, that makes me want to meet him for that drink. But I think he was shorter than me (though I wore obnoxious heels) and he definitley smoked. yuck... maybe he is too good at spitting B.S. to have that drink. maybe another time. for today it is still no.