I shall try to explain him without being negative because truly he is more good than bad, but depending on whether he is currently upset with me- sometimes I forget that. For all intents and purposes ;) he is my 2nd best friend, 2nd only to the Magical Jenny-Bear. He knows this and would have it no other way. Further with intent and purpose ( ;) squared) he is the ex-boyfriend of almost 2 years ago. He has been one of the greatest lessons in being able to appreciate people for all the wonderful they have inside of them, even if it is not for you. I do love him but am not in-love with him. He does love me, but is not in-love with me. We've were friends for years and thought a relationship made sense- I say it was 4 months, he remembers the dating as a couple of years but whatever. The relationship part was not good. It was not all bad, but there was one defining moment/action on his part that makes him never an option ever again. I have forgiven him to be sure. I have learned how not to hold it against him, but as a women it is important to run from that kind of potential. Maybe he doesn't have it with anyone else, but he damn sure had it with me.
and yet- the other day I stopped by after circuit training and am sitting on the living room floor venting about something or other- I was good and angry too. He walks into the other room as a "Garnier" commercial comes on and my rant becomes about how the commercial is lying, because it does not make your hair look like that because I tried it... and he sticks his head in to look and says "Why are you fussing for no reason, your hair always looks like that" and goes away. and i sit in stunned silence. He comes back with a cold bottle of water and says I need to stay for dinner because he put a chicken breast on the stove next to his steak and I need protein." and I wanted to cry, because he got one right.
As my friend. he is wonderful. All of the things that made me want to choke him until his peanut sized head popped off, are non-issues. Arguments never last as long or get as bad. and he is still the safety for those times when you just don't want to show up alone.
He has seen me through the hardest situation I have ever been faced with, barnone. He handled it with better grace than I had and helped drag me through my everyday to find a bit of normalcy when I was afraid of my own shadow. and he has changed over 30 flat tires. In the heat, in the rain, on the side of the road, sometimes 3 at a time. He comes from a humble greatness (I think so highly of his family) and has so much potential. Animals and children love him. He is in law school for the 2nd time, this time it has to work. He is always well-dressed and stylish. He was an athlete in college and doesn't have to work out to still look like it. From him I have also learned the hard way- What you see is not always what you get.
To listen to him for 5 minutes, you would think that this was a man that went home to a house where the gates just opened automatically. He is more blessed than most and has yet to establish himself as worthy of such blessings. But his family is so supportive that it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do. They will love him unconditionally and would carry him as long as he needs to be carried. I've never seen anything like it.
He is the dream killer because I say- "I looked at a position in Chicago" he says "Why do you want to move to Chicago, it's cold, you don't know anyone there, it's expensive- you won't make enough money to have real fun...etc." I say Tulane is my dream school and I am taking the LSAT one more time and still putting in that app just to see, because it's my dream and I owe it to myself to swing for the fences... he says "How will you pay for it? Where will you live? How will you pay the loans off? Your wasting money on the application process...etc"
and to be fair... his points are valid... and I've always felt that if I could deflect all of the questions he threw at me over a given situation then my idea could hold water. but now his words don't mean so much because I've had so many. and at some point you have to hear something positive about yourself... I can't get every single thing wrong all the time... right?
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