Is dating a married man like buying a fake Fendi?

That is a serious question. I foresee this post being a bit disjointed. I shall try to connect the dots as quickly as possible.

and at some point... most young ladies actually have to settle the question with themselves... Would you date a married man?

For me that would not be the question... Mine would be... What do you hope to get out of this? and is it different than philosophy you go into dating anyone with? I contend that it is.

It comes up as Tourettes has a new roommate. A girl she has know forever and ever. I met her a couple of weeks ago and I take no issue with her. I tell Tourettes so and she is ECSTATIC, because apparently people do not so much warm up to Febreeze (as I so dub her!). After yesterday, I see why.

She has lost her mother and long-time boyfriend both recently. Mom to terminal cancer. Ex-boyfriends is terminally an a*shole. She is 30 (?) and an accountant type person. She has small hands and feet. Like a rat. She is the 1st Puerto Rican I've ever met with a VERY southern accent. It just doesn't make sense. She is domestic, Tourettes needs that. She is nice enough... She has a "sugar daddy" as she calls him, who is her ex-boyfriend. He is very married and has been since the day she met him.

I agreed to an adult version of a slumber party. It sucked. It was lots of drama. I remember these being better. I left early.

I follow Febreeze around as she is neurotically cleaning. I help. She says the house cannot look like this when her "man" comes over. I say, trying to be tactful, "oh, so things are working out with you and the ex?" no. "So you are seeing someone new?" nope. "err?"

Intro "sugar daddy". She explains that while he is married, it is not his fault that he cheats... he's in an arranged marriage. That he divorced the love of his life for, because his parents did not approve. Everyone loves him, he's very charming, he's such a sweetheart and (here is the cherry on the cake) once upon a time she thought it would be awful being the OTHER WOMAN but it's really not that bad.

That's funny. It kind of looks like he has no balls and you have no self respect/esteem.

I don't want to be judgemental. I really don't. But really?

I ask if she thinks she will ever marry. She says she does not want to and what is the point. She cites LA's common law marriage laws as proof of her legitimacy without a license. Yes, but if someone else has said license over him... you aren't entitled to squat. Even if he pays your rent for over a year.

Now I am trying to wrap my head around is what she is getting out of the arrangement. Want to know what it is? Dinner. and sometimes a he pays for things like a hair cut.

Granted dinner is Ruth's Chris, Sullivan's and Primo's (all really nice restaurants here). So you are sinning your soul, shredding your reputation, and creating a situation that perpetually makes you feel bad about yourself for better food?

Most guys you meet who want to take you out will take you to the best place within their means. So this is not special. Plus we all have a certain something..... what is it?..... what do they call it?... how do you say it in this language?.....

Oh yeah, IT'S CALLED A MUTHA F*CKIN JOB... FOR WHICH YOU GET PAID IN US DOLLARS!

So, I leave Febreeze and take my wine back to the couch and fill my not-going-to-get-me-in-trouble-mouth with cheese, crackers, apples and caramel. all at once. Tourettes is laughing at me. She says "You have to remember... She is fat. This is the best she thinks she is ever going to do"

Here's where the Fendi comes in. I currently do not own a Fendi bag, nor a Prada. One day I will but for today it is beyond my means (at least the the one I would want). I am trying to be more educated, more qualified and higher up on the pay scale so that I may be able to afford such a thing. If I marry well and the hubby is able to provide such a thing, cheers.

In the face of lack of Fendi, I have seen lots of fakes. lots. But I don't want a fake cheap purse. Even if no one else knows it is fake, I would know. I am also not willing to spend the chicken feed I make on such a thing and be able to do things like put gas in my car. so the big girl decision is "not yet on the Fendi".

Is Febreeze's non-relationship with a married man like buying a fake Fendi? A real relationship being the actual designer bag? Is it settling for something that looks a hell of a lot like the real thing... without the most essential things that make it legitimately worth having?

and in the face of selling herself for stuff... when it all comes down to it... if all you had was the real Fendi bought by a married man... would it be worth it? When everyone you know doesn't respect you because of your public non-relationship... how good does that bag really look?

Back to this compared to dating. Is it not the same as "dating" a man for where he takes you and what he buys you? Gold-digging as it were. That is wrong too. But the married thing makes it worse. He has a wife and 2 kids. If he is a Sh*t of a man then you are replaceable. Yes, if not you, then it would be someone else. Even if it is you, it is not only you and the next one gets younger and prettier. You are helping him to disrespect the idea and ideal of family. and if you don't think he chooses them over you... he does it everyday. By staying married.

Summation. I take no over-arching issue with Febreeze. What she does or does not do is her business. But I do not respect her. and I don't see us being best buds... and I don't think I'd spend lots of time in public with her either. How does the saying go? Lay down with dogs, get up with fleas? The married man is Arabic. I have known of him for years. I don't respect him either. But he has picked up my tab in better bars out of a kind of respect. He thinks I would tell his wife. I don't think enough of either of them to do such a thing.

I'm still holding out for the real Fendi. with all of the legitimacy it implies.