The Capacity to Forgive

During the "afternoon drive to the gym" I am talking to the Dream Killer.

He brings up an ex-girlfriend. She is Bangladeshi. She is the girl he thought he would marry. She cheated and left him for a Bangladeshi guy her parents liked. That guy cheated on her and beats the hell out of her. She still calls the dream killer occasionally. He used to answer, but talking to her brings drama from her boyfriend.

On my end... I never asked him not to talk to her, even when he mentioned her damn near every day. One day he just stopped. He said something a bit later and I said "There we are, I almost started to miss her" and he realised how much he talked about her. From a woman's point of view, you want another woman to have an out to a bad situation. If he said he was over her and I was trying to be with him, I had to trust that. To his credit, that never bit me- and he has always been worthy of that trust. Which is how I can tell anyone that I am over it and there are no complications and know it to be true.

But in talking about her, he no longer talks to her, and says he no longer will. I have known him for years and I know his capacity for forgiveness better than anyone. We have definitely tested that in each other. But for whatever reason, we do. and we can. and that he can not with her really made me go "huh?"

This is an email Bat-girl sent me a while ago. and it goes up because I can see it, and maybe there was a time that I could not.

Some of it has been taken out for the sake of brevity. Let me know if you want the full thing.

I Believe

I believe-
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
That no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while and, you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
That you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe-
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe-
That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there
had better be something else to take its place.

I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-

That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is
broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced
who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
out a secret. It could change your life forever.