Moms are great....especially mine.

Have I told you about my mom? I believe I have... and yet I think it bears repeating... she is wonderful. Not to say the she does not have any faults. She is a fantastic weirdo in her own right. But she is 1st and foremost... and overarchingly... above all a mom.

It is humbling to know that since she had my sister and I, most of her decisions in life have been around how it would impact us. My sis and I were so sheltered that we thought that was how every mother was. Not so. She divorced my dad because he was an alcoholic and he beat her... and it was not a good environment for us. We had no idea that when we moved to LA we were poor... because my mom is great and decided we did not need to know.

Considering the awesome love that we both came from... it further makes me want to slap the living hell out of my sister... but every boyfriend and even her husband already does.

On to wonderful moms. She worked hard her whole life, my sis moved out when I was 15 to back to NYC for good. When I hit my senior year in high school and it was clear I was going to college, mom started to travel. She goes everywhere. This year India, last year Ireland, Las Vegas, some miscellaneous Michigan for the tulips...etc. I now have to tell her specifically what to bring me... or she will buy me crap on purpose. She jokes that her friends ask what the "mission" is i.e. my present that they are seeking out... is.

I put off telling her about the LSAT and fully telling her about work and apps and lack of focus. I was really down on myself and despite the sweet words of the people around me, I felt like a failure. Like I'm never going to get to a decent law school and I would live work and die in mediocrity. A bit dramatic I know. and with her trip coming up and an issue w/visas and packing, she was a bit busy to. We talked but not really.

Then she came back and of course I got tons of stuff. and then a couple of days later mom made a big deal of me having a Saturday breakfast with her. (I used to LOVE Saturday breakfast w/ mom when I was little. because she worked so much to make ends meet, we spent a lot of time at baby-sitters. so sat she always made special breakfast. pancakes because i loved them like my favorite story book detective Nate The Great). We break-fast and she asks the hard questions.... this is how it went...

M: How did your test go?
KL: I did worse. I dropped like 4 pts.

M: How is that going to hurt your apps?
KL: For the most part it doesn't. I wanted better, but every school on my list takes the higher

M: What did you do differently to prepare?
KL: I hired a tutor and tested again, again and literally again

M: I am sorry you were disappointed. but I am still proud of you.
KL: I feel like I failed

M: Have you thought about doing it again?
KL: It was so hard, I don't know if I have it in me.

and she moved on to different subjects. I tell her about work and she sympathizes and stresses the need to have a plan before quitting and reiterates that I am responsible enough to know I need to cover my bases and she is available for more breakfasts.

That is the way my mom is. She is supportive and offers opinions...sometimes subtly, sometimes not. She wants me to LSAT again, and she doesn't want me to quit until i have another job or an acceptance to law school. She is right. and I don't feel small telling her.

As my back is healing, and I am out of work for a week she is spending more time with me. This morning was not so good, I decided to try not taking any meds last night and this morning I am reminded of how stupid that was. Mom says "Dr. so and so asked about you and I told him about the test and the apps... he says his son took the Princeton Review. I know you did Kaplan, but there is the whole guarantee... If you don't do better we get the money back and if you do, it was money well spent." I say... but it is $1200 and I don't have that to spend... much less on a maybe. and mom says... you have a MasterCard (which is really her card on my name). It is the safety... and this is for educational purposes... so you'll call them... you can do this.

and I am reminded that if I was a stump of a person, no arms and no legs... and my mommiey said that I would be alright... I would believe it. and I am lucky to have it.