Cameo of a sucker

Said sucker would unfortunately be me. Hmmmmm.... How to start what I have for today.... I guess we just spit it out.... the more I blog the more I see a few themes that ribbon through my posts and to be quite frank... it concerns me. Want to know what tidbit I have today that I have heard myself type?

"Who knew men believed in the fairy tale almost as much as, if not more than ,women do?!"

Case in point: Bama.

(I said he gets no more time... I didn't say we wouldn't speak to him in public)

So standard intro- Circuit training, stretching, he bops over to stretch. He asks all about me and my stuff... I am trying to be vague and disengage myself from conversation with him as Newbie and I are toying with the idea of taking up Karate and we had to go talk to the guy... you know The Guy... anyway. So he is blocking me and moving around so I just can't get past him and I am like "Fine! This is me talking to you!"

So we are back to talking about all of the schools getting an application from me and the pending transfer with work. To which he begs that I call him as soon as I have something concrete so we can celebrate properly. I say "sure" he says "I know what your 'sure' means and I'm serious, please call me"... So I sheepishly have to ask for him # again... because I deleted it a long time ago and never save it when he talks to my voice mail. He is astounded that I don't have it anymore and I counter with "You probably don't have mine either." and his defense?

"What if I had a girlfriend for a couple of months and I wasn't supposed to call you?" and I say "are you kidding? I think I'm missing the funny." So here is the funny... he's not kidding. Apparently he did have a gf for a few months, he met her parents, and she (accidentally) met his. Promptly after which he realizes he does not want to marry her and breaks up with her. Now he did not use the words he is telling me as why he broke up with her... He used codewords like "re-evaluate our situation" and "we just aren't that into each other" and what not.

But I am blown away by (1) his honesty with himself and (2) that he is thinking about marriage and (3) WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?

I fully accept that I am the most commitment phobic girl you know. Fully. Everyone who shows interest in me makes me want to duck behind a tree. If you ignore me... I will follow you like a duck. And hanging out with Bama was easy, it was funny. There are no expectations besides keep your word. I am not God, I am not the law, I am not your mother, . I can not send you to hell, I cannot send to you jail, I cannot even send you to your room! Therefore, you have no reason to lie to me. If you say you will do something, do.

And the standing me up on my b-day... besides that he had a gf I didn't know about, left a bad taste, and like I said if I'd really been into him, that could have been devastating. But that he started a whole 'relationship' of sorts and questioned his future with a girl... does that mean I have also been judged in his eyes and found to be lacking?

Maybe I am overthinking? I am definetely comtemplative and slightly confused. The only thing that this really drives home is that life is too short to spend time with people you don't want to spend time with. Bama's not getting a call... but you knew that.