Lack of Sex in my City

If I had thought of it before, I may have titled my blog so. Once upon a time an attorney for my company was in my city. We (she, boss-lady, and I) shared books. Boss-lady shows her my blog. She asked "Who does she think she is? Carey from Sex in the City?" No. No I do not. and I was mildly offended but Boss Lady said that atty really thought herself witty and meant no harm. Whatever. So my new take on the day of Happy hearts. Yes it commercial. Yes it is "unnecessary". and Yes women make an obnoxiously big deal about it.... but what if it serves alternative purposes as well. Hear me out, what if it is a measuring stick of sorts. If someone cares for you in a warm and squishy way then they do not need to wait until V-day to tell you. They should tell you in their own time (agreed) and not on Hallmark's schedule, etc.etc. But as I have said many a time... this is the land reverent to nothing. You don't have to support a child (if you have the right lawyers) you don't have to stay faithful to a marriage, you don't have to be a fit parent... and on and on. So outside of laws and sensibilties, nothing can make us do anything. and given no restraints... at any given time we may just not be in a place to throw our hearts on the tracks. and here comes V-day. flowers, candy, and crap. But it is a measuring stick in a way... if you like me- give me a piece of paper. tell me you like me. but it isn't that simple. I can not judge because I gave away lots of crap today. And I see it as such, crap that other people need to feel special. Mom called to say thank you for chocolates and asked how many roses I'd gotten (at that time none) and I said "No one loves me" and she laughed and said that I was spoiled and got random presents all year 'round. Which is true. The roses came later. and they are beautiful, but they don't mean anything. I told Lemon that he and I were not doing anything for this day. I didn't want him to spend any $ and where would I send what to? and then what would I send. and then I remember that we don't really talk anymore. I haven't seen him in almost a month and maybe there was just nothing there. And I say that I am not disappointed because of V-day, because I know I am lucky and blessed and how selfish am I to look at the trinkets I got and think they were not enough nor from the right person. But I understand the importance of having a line in the sand that says, if you want me... you're gonna have to come with it. So he does not pitch the relationship because I said I don't know if I am ready? or because he doesn't know? and we wait at a cross-roads and this doesn't work for me anymore. Bama who was a non-issue shot himself in the foot the same way. The phone calls are nice. So is the asking. but if you are sure, you have to come with better and be willing to put yourself out there. Can I say that knowing that I have done it all of once and got told "no thank you". Ahhh but that is the double standard that makes it nice to be a girl. It is for the man to propose and the woman to decide. The gym was short but brutal. I can move my right knee cap all the way to the left off of my knee. It hurts just a tad. So I am gimping to dinner. nice. p.s. I am not going to say that I am a Charlotte (though my friends say that I am) or a Carey, etc. because each of the characters are caracatures of traits you have seen in people. None of us are all one thing nor solely defined by something so obvious. At least I don't think I am.